In Need of some help/advice/opinions. Getting mixed messages.

[Twister]

Hey all, I hope all is well with you guys.

Like I said in my title, I just need any form of input about what's going on with me, anything would really be appreciated.

Basically, I've liked this girl for a couple of months now. We talk lots on msn/facebook, sometimes for like 12 hours a day, staying up till like 4 in the morning talking. She goes to my school (On a Christmas break at the moment) so I see her briefly there (I always catch her looking at me), my friends are also friends with hers, so I see her occasionally outside of school.

She always starts the conversations on MSN and we're really comfortable with each other, there's lots of joking around etc and we're pretty much talking non stop. In person things are a lot different. We're both pretty shy and rarely talk to each other when we're in a group. I genuinely believe that this is because we are both pretty shy and unsure. It also feels pretty odd talking in person because we're so comfortable and used to talking over MSN, but we just aren't when we're together.

I had her round my house a few days ago, which was pretty cool. She invited herself round so we could revise together, but we didn't really do much revision, just watched tv, went on facebook and joked around a bit.

My parents put up a pinboard of pictures of the family a few weeks ago, and their is a pretty embarrassing one of me on there. She was looking at them and I took that one away, she snatched it off me and it ended up with us pretty much wrestling (not too violently, haha) with her trying to get it. I hid it in a draw and she kept going back to go and get it and I had to keep running to grab her and stop her from getting the photo. She also kept taking my stuff (Like my phone) and going on my facebook and writing on peoples walls. Anyway, the relevance of all that is pretty much that it really felt like she was doing all that stuff so that I'd grab her and basically make contact with her.

Also, while she was at mine, she went on to her MSN and started talking with some guy about her ex boyfriend and how she kissed him again recently (alarm bells, I know, but he's going back to Uni soon, so he isn't really a massive problem). Once again, it just seemed that she was choosing to have this fairly private conversation whilst I was there, right next to her, to make me jealous, or whatever.

Her visit to mine wasn't a complete success though, she was planning to stay til like 11 at night, but ended up going around 6. A few minutes before she decided to leave I got sorta pissed off (I only went quiet, didn't get angry or anything) because she pointed out something on my face that I'm not comfortable with, and in fact really dislike about myself. I know she didn't do it to upset me and wouldn't have said it if she knew it would bother me, but it really did, so I ended up going really quiet and I think that might have provoked her to leave, I really don't know. I offered to walk her to the bus stop but she refused, which was also a little disappointing.

About a month ago I told her I liked her, and she pretty much said she didn't like me back. I was shocked, pretty much everything had pointed in the direction of her liking me, and it just didn't seem right that she didn't. I still believe that it ran a little deeper than her simply not liking me. Her friends found out and she got annoyed with me, I think because her best friend (who is now over me) used to like me, and she was worried that she might think something was going on. Due to this little fight we didn't speak for about a week, but then she started talking to me again, and things went back to normal. We started to talk even more than usual, eventually leading up to her asking to come round to revise. She also kept asking if she come round to watch a film or something, she even asked if she could come round on Christmas day.

Anyway, I'm continuing to get a load of mixed messages, all of us were together on new years and I noticed she kept looking at me and laughing at everything I said (I joke quite a lot) and trying to make me see that she was laughing.

From all that it might seem pretty obvious that she likes me, but there are the occasional things that make me think she doesn't, there was a cinema trip planned the other day and when I decided not to go, she didn't seem bothered, which I thought she might. That's honestly the best example I can think of right now, but there have been other things that make me think 'maybe not'.

Anyway, like I said, I'd love any opinions and advice about what's going on. Obviously I'd like to get closer to her, but it's not very easy. I have to be careful, I don't want her to know that I still like her until I know (or am 99% sure) she likes me. Normally I'd just invite her round my house or ask if she wants to hang out, but it would just seem too conspicuous that I still like her. Like I say, I want to avoid her knowing I like her unless I know she likes me, because it was completely harrowing when she told me she didn't feel the same, and I don't want to feel like that again. I know it may seem that she might just be playing with me or whatever, but I honestly don't believe she's like that, she's a really nice girl that (I believe) doesn't have an ounce of nastiness in her.

Like I said any input would be great, I want to say a huge thanks to anybody that's actually bothered to read all of that, you deserve a medal if you have. Sorry if it made little sense at times, I'm pretty tired.

Thanks all!

[irrelevant_89]

Ah dude... this is the problem of the internet. It's so much easier to talk about somewhat private things, expose yourself and believe you're creating bonds on MSN or facebook or whatever than face-to-face. The fact that you two are kind of uncomfortable with each other in real life shows that - you can't rely on MSN to make a true connection with her, gotta do that in real life. That's probably why she responded negatively to that "I like you"... she just wasn't sure about it, and didn't want to throw her love about just like that.

We need the experts to come over and analyze this, but first off I'd tell you to build up on your RL contacts. Try to talk more to her at school or whatever, the more you contact, the more natural it will feel.

I think you have a shot with her. She has made quite a few advances so far, always starting the MSN talks, inviting herself over, and maybe most of all, laughing at your jokes and looking at you a lot, I think she does like you. But she must think something is missing before taking the final plunge. Maybe she is not getting the feedback she expected from you... "I like you" can be pretty empty words, much more meaningful is to pay attention to her, including in groups - retributing those looks, trying to focus a bit more on her than the other members of the group... maybe when you two were at your place and you got mad about that remark she didn't realize you were upset and just thought you had lost interest, causing her to feel unwanted and leave... bottom line, show her you care about her not with words, but with actions. Maybe it's a bit too soon to invite her to your house again, but asking her out for a movie or something is probably a good idea.

just mah 2 cents, I don't know much of relationships so I rely on common sense *shrugs*

[Twister]

I want to thank you massively for that advice, you seem to have perceived my situation pretty well considering the pretty poor way I explained it. I'll certainly do my best to bridge the gap between the net and in person.

[irrelevant_89]

You explained it well, don't worry =)

I had a bit of a similar situation, but much worse, because the "relationship" developed entirely online, I tried really hard to get to her IRL but all doors were shut... and it failed because of that. You can fall in love over the net, but you can't forge a healthy relationship on it.

[Twister]

You explained it well, don't worry =)

I had a bit of a similar situation, but much worse, because the "relationship" developed entirely online, I tried really hard to get to her IRL but all doors were shut... and it failed because of that. You can fall in love over the net, but you can't forge a healthy relationship on it.

Ah I see, sounds pretty bad, I guess you're right. Hitting off on the internet isn't a guarantee you'll hit it off in person.