Help with a complicated friendship?

[thewhiterabbit]

So I had asked him to read this post a few days before the conversation we had about not speaking to him again in an attempt to maybe make him realize what all of this is doing to me. I guess an attempt to fix our friendship. He didn't read it until either yesterday night or this morning before he had to go to work. He messaged me to let me know he read it. I'm putting this on here, so you guys will realize he's not a horrible person. I still feel like we don't need to be friends, but I could never hate him.

him: i read your post

me: thank you

him: you're welcome. They're right. Best to cut a cancer like me from your life. I wont beg you to stay my friend anymore.

me: just to be clear, I wasn't saying they were right about the way you are. Some of them, yes. Just that sometimes it comes off that way...even the harsh ones.

him: i threw up. Didn't realize how much I'd hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm gone.

me: I think you're selfish and immature, but not a monster like some of them think.

him: I am and I'll leave you be. You need to be happy. If you feel you need to spill all of my secrets and shortcomings like you said...that's your choice.

me: No I don't want to hurt you. I'll find a way to be strong enough without that.

him: But I won't do this anymore...I don't want to hurt you. Don't hate me if I don't answer you...it's not because I hate you. Thank you. Please be happy.

I didn't respond after that. I didn't even know what to say. He won't read it again. He's not one to go after people telling him what's wrong with himself. He only read it this time because he knew how much it meant to me.

[sookie6]

At this point little rabbit you have lost me...

What favour are you doing to yourself and to him by showing this post I really don't know...

It's either you really care for this guy and then why would you show him this post or you don't and in this case you should have cut all ties by now.

You've managed to confuse the hell out of me...

[thewhiterabbit]

I asked him to read it before when I hadn't decided what to do. He's never seen things the way a "normal" person would. On many occasions I'd have to tell him he needed to do this or that to keep from coming off wrong to a friend of his because he doesn't think about things in the terms everyone else does. I thought maybe if he'd read the post maybe he'd understand. He's all the time getting angry with me for not being able to make it through a night without crying about all of this. He never understood the damage it was doing/has done to me. I did ask him to go ahead and read it the night I told him we couldn't be friends anymore, but only because I needed that as closure. I finally needed him to understand, even if it wouldn't change anything. I didn't contact him. I hadn't spoken to him since the last message I posted. He messaged me. Maybe I shouldn't have responded, but I felt like I needed to. I AM cutting all ties.

[sookie6]

OK little rabbit..

sorry..I was not having a go at you...I know it can't be easy!

I just think you need to be drastic on this, no second thoughts, no going back...I mean you have read what I think of it all...

Just take it one day at a time. Be firm honey!

xxx

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, you really didn't need to show all of this. Obviously we are probably going to take your side and I guess he shouldn't be intimidated or ganged up on by people he doesn't know or will never know. We've already told you everything that you can do, you know what you need to do, you don't need to do any further explanations and try to fix things anymore if he doesn't want to. Now he will play the victim card, fall into self pity and will learn really nothing from this. I was very selfish like him and that was my defense mechisnism for dealing with it.

[thewhiterabbit]

I honestly don't think he'll try to play victim here. I think that's what he would have done had he not read it. In his eyes he saw me leaving as not being strong enough to handle being around someone I'm in love with when that person isn't in love with me. Not because of anything he'd done. Because in his eyes he hadn't done anything but have the things he wanted. He never understood how it effected me. I think he does now.