How Long Should I Wait For Her Answer?

[Carmen]

If my boyfriend of 3 years asked me to marry him I would say yes in a second. I wouldn't marry anyone if I felt I needed time to think about it. I'm sorry but it looks like this whole thing may be leading to the end of your relationship...which could be good in the end because you can find someone else who can truly love you. Seems like she's just comfortable with you at this moment. You don't need to be wasting your time and money with someone like that.

[vashti]

You guys don't have kids, do you?

[Lite]

Well, hrm...

She could be emotionally overwhelmed...

But frankly asking someone to marry you isn't anywhere near the same as say, let's elope right now, or even starting to plan a wedding. I know some people that were engaged for 2 years before their wedding. They're still happily married 9 years later.

Engagements can be broken off, there isn't that sense of momentum to overcome that one feels in the middle of planning a wedding and you change your mind.

Frankly, if the woman I chose to ask to marry me after 6 years didn't know within 48 hours what her answer would be, I'd make the answer for her, make the decision that the relationship was then at its logical conclusion, and start making plans to return the ring and move on.

[VincenzoG91]

We had a nice dinner out last night and talked for three hours. We're going to be fine.

She does struggle to make big decisions, and this is a really big one, but despite my pessimistic tendencies, I am now nearly 100% certain that she will say yes soon. I assured her that she can take more time to decide, and if she says yes, we can have a long engagement and get married after she gets her degree. Besides, I plan on buying a house before we get married, because her student loan debt would count against us when getting a mortgage.

Also, I talked her into dropping one of her classes this semester, because 18 credit hours is too much, plus we should spend some more time together. I didn't bring up the issue of money, but she said that she's been feeling badly about losing her full-time job in 2008 and then going back to school, because she went from paying her own way to becoming dependent on me.

Anyway, we're happy, we're together, and we're headed in the right direction. I really appreciate all the comments in this thread, and I'm impressed with this forum. I plan to check in from time to time, and maybe even offer some advice.