ex wants to be friends. what does it actually mean?

[ashtree]

Hi, new here and looking for a bit of advice

Here’s my story

I met a girl in college about 7 years ago. I new the instant I saw her that she was for me and I needed her in my life. We got quite close but nothing really happened and after college we drifted apart.

About 6 and a half years later, thanks to the internet we got in touch again. She had just had a messy break up. She started calling me and texting me 20/30 times a day, but I was heavily involved in a project and didn’t have time for her at that time (which I told her). When my project was finished, we started hanging out but she said that the space I gave her made her realise that she needed her own space. Anyway, we got together at the beginning of December but then last week she said she made a mistake and wasn’t ready for anything but wants to be friends

Basically my question is this. If she wants to be friends, does that mean she’s waiting to get over her ex, then have a relationship with me?

I cant work it out. She has a very big heart, so I’m thinking that if we’re friends, then she cant start seeing other people because she knows that’ll upset me. I want to give her space but I don’t want to stop seeing her as because then she might think I don’t care about her anymore

Thanks in advance

[shheadz]

To me it sounds like she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, but she wants to keep you on the hook. If I were you I'd back away from her completely, or else you run the risk of actually becoming a friend, and not a lover.

[wasseem2]

i agree with shheadz, completely, and i may add that her emotions are not stable, so, don't believe her if she falls for you, in my opinion. she actually need someone to fill the gap that her ex has left,

all the best

[Supernova]

As a girl I can tell you, I know what she is feeling. This has happened to me before. I had been in a bad breakup. I caught up with an old friend from years past. It took my mind off my breakup. Then when he wanted to get close (like when you had time to date her), all the hurt from my breakup surfaced and my feelings were mixed up and it feels awful! It would not have matter if you were available straight away when she was texting you 20/30 times a day (that itself should have told you she was hurting bad).

One bit of advice for you, YES be her friend, do not push yourself onto her, take her out of friend dates, tell her as a friend lets go out, and have fun, do not kiss her or touch her. Then when she is ready, you will know, you will see it in her eyes. Remember the best relationships are based on friends first. I am not saying she will get with you. In my case I did not hook up with my friend, but he and I are still best friends and its has been 13 years and he is married with 2 kids. We still talk. You are in a win win situation. You could win a heart or a friend for life. Good luck.

[ashtree]

thanks for the replies.

especially to you supernova. thanks very very much