I am a junior in High School and I have been in love with my Freshman English teacher for over two years now. He is 39 years old and he is not very attractive but he has a wonderful personality that I just adore. It was not at all "love at first sight" when I really got to know him that's when I began to have feelings for him. He helped me realize that I was "gifted" in writing so he has always been like a mentor to me, but I feel something more. On the last day of my freshman year I told him I loved him. Of course, I never accepted anything in return. He just smiled sweetly said "Thank You" and told to have a great summer. It hurts me, it really does. I don't want him at all to feel uncomfortable so I try not to bug him too much, but I love being around him and I love talking to him and he is all I dream about (I have been having sexual dreams about him). It's pretty sad, but, trust me, I am no stalker. I am worried to bother him too much so I always try to keep my distance. I know I can't have him and it is painful to think about. I'm always hoping that after High School I would go of to collage come back years later and hope to find him and see what happens. Of course I know nothing can happen now, that is just wrong. He is not married, in fact I think he is gay, but I don't think I will really ever find out. I want to grab his attention so sometimes I try to write something that he would praise, but since I am pushing myself so hard for perfection I have not been doing so good. I really do love him. I would hate to make him uncomfortable in any way, but sometimes I want to be near so badly.
Does anyone out there understand?
Anyone out there who could give me some sort of advice?