confused

[toughchoices]

My husband and I have been fighting constantly. I am an accountant and I work alot during the tax season. I have many clients. One day, I receive an email from an unknown sender, I just deleted the email. I started receiving them daily. After a huge fight with my husband, I decided to open an email. The emails are from someone that stated that I have done taxes for them. I did not remember the guy. I started chatting back and forth and because I thought my marriage was about to end, I agreed to meet him for coffee.

We have a nine year old boy and all of his activity schedules from school or coaches go to my inbox. I told my husband to check my inbox anytime because he is the one that takes my son to activities. He found the email strings and confronted me with them.

My husband was calmer than I thought he would be. ten years ago, my husband, my bestfriend and I were drinking and my husband got drunk and kissed her. I was so pissed and I have never forgave him for it. Every fight, I bring it up. He suggested that we go to a marriage counselor, I said ok. I told my email friend that I did not want to meet because I want to work on my marriage.

Things were fine with him for the last two weeks. My email friend and I chat and exchange ims and emails daily and he seems really interesting and we have so much in common. He sent me his picture and I remembered him instantly. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and we have been married for 12.

Lately, we have been fighting due to financial problems. We make a combined $130k but spen too much. My husband believes that I still want to chat with my email friend and have a desire to be with him. I told my husband that when I thought my marriage was over, I did want to meet him. This man is financially secure, 4 years my senior and wants to take care of me. He wants me to be his special girlfriend while I work on things with my husband. I told my husband that part of me was interested. My husband and I are currently not speaking.

[kai]

You bring that stupid kiss in every fight? No wonder your marriage is over.

[Hillbilly]

I think it took alot of guts to say that. You are honest with yourself.

[vashti]

what are you confused about?

[cmacattack1]

I think that you have to decide what's really important to you. You should confront and fix your current problems before you pursue something else. If you are going to end your marriage, then you should probably do so before you emotionally cheat on your husband.

A little late for that but that's the problems that most of us. We don't want to try and fix something, we kind of just let things go in hopes that they fix themselves. But that rarely happens.

I'm not saying that you are to blame for everything, and your husband might be impossible to deal with and lack any empathy. But you have to take responsibility for what you are in control of. What you did with this guy was wrong and you are just emotionally detaching from your marriage so that when it finally hits that inevitable end, you will have no feeling for it anymore. It's a defense mechinism but it is not the way to handle problems. It's wrong.

Regardless of how you feel, you have to figure out what you want to do, and just do it. Take your problems head on and deal with them. I can't help but feel that the problems you have in your marriage are just problems that aren't resolved and swept under the rug and they just keep coming back bigger and bigger each time.