+ Follow This Topic
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 46

Thread: Red flag?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,044

    Red flag?

    As some of you already know I am dating a guy right now. And I have dated him for about 5-6 months. Recently, he told me that before we became "official", he was in a open relationship with his friend (who is a girl). He told me, she is like his best friend. They still hang out on a regular basis. This thread is not about me getting insecure or jealous of their relation at all. I knew they are close and have dated before. It's no news to me. However, he also told me, he was sexing her before we became official. Which is a story change from what he told me before. He told me he was a virgin like a few months ago and how he wouldn't be any good at it because of it. I don't know whats up with the lying though. I don't care whether he is a virgin or not. In fact, if he wasn't I would be happy with it because he would be experienced which will makes things easier. This raises a red flag for me because he lied. He might have lied to cover up his relation with his friend while he dated me so he won't scare me away. Or, he is might have lied to cover something else. I dunno. But what do you guys think? Is this a red flag?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,256
    Did you ask when he told you they'd slept together why he wasn't honest with you from the get go? I would have. I suppose maybe he had to tell you on his own terms and didn't want you to dislike him still being friends with her if you had originally known they'd hooked up. Has he been dishonest about anything else that you know of?
    So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
    blue skies from pain.
    Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
    A smile from a veil?
    Do you think you can tell?
    And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
    Hot ashes for trees?
    Hot air for a cool breeze?
    Cold comfort for change?
    And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,044
    He wouldn't give me a straight answer when I asked why he wasn't honest with me in the first place. I think I will try to push it out of him later. He hasn't been dishonest about anything else that I know of.

  4. #4
    DoesntMatter's Avatar
    DoesntMatter is offline Love Gurus
    Country:
    Users Country Flag
    "Hot Love Pancake(s)"
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,800
    He probably told you that so he would have an excuse for sucking in bed

  5. #5
    Sonrisa's Avatar
    Sonrisa is offline Gwynplaine
    Country:
    Users Country Flag
    "Hot Love Pancake(s)"
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    4,864
    it's up to you if you want to date a liar if you can live with it.
    mo'Dajvo' pa'wIjDaq je narghpu' He'So'bogh SajlIj

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13

    heres what you can do

    I have actually been in a similar situation with my ex in the past.
    She had asked me if I had had any previous girlfriends before her, and I had said no, but then about a week or so later I told her the truth that I had, but lied about it because I was afraid that she might not like me because of that.
    But she said that she didn't mind, as long as I would tell the truth from now on.

    But the case with your bf seems a little more serious, especially if he lied about sexual intercourse. I would say you can do the following: tell him you want to have a serious discussion with him about his lying to you. Tell him that you didn't appreciate him lying about it, but that you can forgive him for it IF he starts telling you the whole truth from now on on whatever he does. Don't let go until he gives you a straight answer. If he can't change for your sake, then tell him that it will be difficult to be together in the future. Afterall, you don't want to date someone you're constantly doubting, do you?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    855
    He probably lied to cover up an insecurity. He probably does suck in the sack.. or he thinks he does. I wouldn't treat that like an outright lie.
    The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx

  8. #8
    vashti's Avatar
    vashti is offline Hot love muffin guru
    Country:
    Users Country Flag
    "Hot Love Pancake(s)"
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    22,890
    I'd be more concerned that he continues to hang out with a girl he used to fcuk.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,044
    Ok, so I called him and got it cleared out. He told me that before we were official and when we talked about sex, he wasn't lying that he was a virgin. But then after, he sexed that girl because we were still not official by then. Then, when we did became official, he stopped.

    And, Vashi, should I still be concerned about him hanging out with that girl if he has introduced me as his girlfriend to all his friends, including her? He said, they get along very well and they are like best friends. What is the best way to handle this?

    Btw, they didn't get into an exclusive relationship because she was planning to study abroad. But then that didn't go through. And, she is the loose kind of girl and doesn't like to be tied down.
    Last edited by lastwish; 04-02-10 at 10:20 PM.

  10. #10
    vashti's Avatar
    vashti is offline Hot love muffin guru
    Country:
    Users Country Flag
    "Hot Love Pancake(s)"
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    22,890
    I honestly don't know how you should handle it. I am stumped. I just know I wouldn't be comfortable, whether or not that is silly.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    16,935
    Lying is ALWAYS a red flag. If he'll lie to you about that, he'll lie to you about other things too.
    Spammer Spanker

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    1,044
    Now, that I think about it. His story doesn't fit in the right time frames. I remember he talked about him being a virgin still after the date he told me he stopped sexing her.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Syracuse, NY
    Posts
    1,396
    He really cooked up a nice little shitstorm for himself didn't he?

    Things would be so much easier all around if we weren't worried about impressing the other person in the beginning and just being outright from the get go.
    Waking up next to a beautiful girl,
    Step outside and say hello to my beautiful world.

  14. #14
    IndiReloaded's Avatar
    IndiReloaded is offline Yawning
    Country:
    Users Country Flag
    "Hot Love Pancake(s)"
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    15,081
    Listen to your gut, LW. If you think something is stinky about all this, you are probably right.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Madison
    Posts
    123
    Very simple: he either lied about being a virgin or he cheated on you. Neither are good. Get more info out of him then decide based on that.

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Attentive lover or red flag?
    By paperbird in forum Love Advice forum
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 07-01-10, 01:38 PM
  2. country name alt for the country flag
    By valhensing in forum Suggestion, feedback & others
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-12-09, 01:13 AM
  3. This country flag thing.
    By Cbrider in forum Off Topic Discussion
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 09-10-09, 11:53 AM
  4. Red flag guys?
    By nebulachic in forum Ask a Male Forum
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 09-09-06, 07:55 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •