his mom hates me, now its led do 6 days of tears, what to do?

[cessers]

oh and SirWagginston i agree with what you said about not all parents being good parents. Im not sure if this was or wasn't the case , but im not one to judge anymore since i have resigned myself to not having to worry about that aspect of my life. Its put behind me. If they are wrong then their wrong and their son will realise it one day and if their not then their not, and hell appreciate them more for it. I know im still young and there are plenty of other people out there in the world yet to meet. Both relationship wise and family wise. Its no use anymore to worry about what happened, If hes there in the future than hes there. if not. Then fine. :]

[cocobubble]

:] I find what you say to be quite true Sirwagginston. I have had the same perspective as you have for the past 6 months of the relationship i spoke about. And i am sad to say, last night i found that he had been intentionally dishonest but only so with good reason. The perfect son can never be the perfect boyfriend. I strongly believe in that now. There just to much to please and if your not mentally strong your forced to take sides. While not completely justified, i find his reasons for lying understandable due to the situation. obviously i would have not preffered it that way.

I am as defeated as you had been with your ex although i do not resent him for his decision. When cornered many people do act in desperation. ill just assume he was not ready to leave the nest or he would have been honest everyone instead. There were issues on everyone's part and a lot of it had to do with Trust and Perspective.

are u mad that u have been defeated? but u seemed so confident though. you guys could have worked things out with his family.

[Petit Papillon]

I disagree with the sentence 'A perfect son can never be a perfect bf' ,sure he can , it's rather 'No good relationship with bf's familly will be no good relationship with bf'. My bf is a 'perfect son' as You call it and we have really good relationship. But it's because I have good relationship with his family.

[cessers]

are u mad that u have been defeated? but u seemed so confident though. you guys could have worked things out with his family.

Yeah. I am still confident. Although it may not seem like it. I want him to be in my future but at times I think everyone needs space. After talking to him and his folks, They don't think were good for each other. and after talking to him, i could hear the sadness in his voice. I know he doesn't want to give up but he also knows he has to. I'm not angry at all. :] just a little sad. I love him,but love isn't always enough sometimes.So maybe in the future? He needs to fix his life first and maybe one day i could start all over with his family. I'm willing to wait and i'm not interested in anyone else right now. Im already in step one of my backup plan which is continuing to plan my life.

[cessers]

I disagree with the sentence 'A perfect son can never be a perfect bf' ,sure he can , it's rather 'No good relationship with bf's familly will be no good relationship with bf'. My bf is a 'perfect son' as You call it and we have really good relationship. But it's because I have good relationship with his family.

As for this. In some cases yes it can be that way but its not true for everyone. Both ideas are true for different cases.

[SirWagginston]

What exactly made you two not good for each other? In what way did his life need to be fixed?

[vashti]

I don't mean to be cynical, but I'm tired of hearing people imply that parents always know best. Some parents give their babies alcohol to shut them up. Some parents beat their kids, or abandon them when they get to be too much work. Obviously, some parents are capable of making mistakes.

True, but generally speaking, the parents who care enough to finance their child's college expenses are NOT these kinds of parents.

[SirWagginston]

True, but generally speaking, the parents who care enough to finance their child's college expenses are NOT these kinds of parents.

True, parents such as that would be be simply uncaring. But part of being human is that they can care and try to do good, consciously, without realizing the destruction they are causing unintentionally. Overprotective parents are like this.

[vashti]

Well, what you call "overprotective" might easily be called "protecting your investment" by someone else. We only have the insight of a young girl here (not the parents), so obviously you aren't hearing the whole story.

[cessers]

What exactly made you two not good for each other? In what way did his life need to be fixed?

What made us not for each other in my eyes at this point was the fact he had lied in order to please both parties. The same as his parents my goal was to improve his life not mess it up. School was important to me also and that was the one thing he had lied to me about, which i found out last night that made me understand their anger in the last week although i still do not understand some of their actions prior. When we first agreed to go out with one another our deal was that we would both have to maintain a certain GPA average in order to stay together. It didn't seem unreasonable. And it was also so we could see whether or not we could handle our relationship in good terms with his parents. If either or both of us didnt make the grade we were suppose to take a break from each other to come up with a plan to fix it. Our issue was he had told me a different story about his grades than the truth. that being he received 2 F's last semester. He hadnt trusted me enough to tell me the truth and i'm sure he was afraid to lose me, but it only added to the tension between his parents and i.

To be honest after my talk with his parents i still wanted to try to be with him. They said they hadnt hated me although their actions told otherwise, but i was willing to try to fix things with them and also him, because he meant THAT much to me. I wanted to talk to his family more and work on a way for us to be together still but he told me he wanted to get things back together on his own and that didnt included me at the moment. He couldnt take the pressure anymore. But he said one day.... Im not going to wait. He has things to take care of including figuring out how to deal with his family |And although im still in love with him, Im mature enough to understand that at this moment its not going to work. Ill just use this as my motivation instead. If hes meant to be mine well find each other in the end and i want to be a better person than i am now if that happens.

[cocobubble]

i am being honest with myself. and reality hit me in the face today. He lied about a lot but you know what? im ok. i never went on here to look for sympathy but more so advice. Its been a rough week and i figured perspective would open the door to things. Which in some ways it has. I just needed to vent. i have no reason to post something that is untrue especially when im emotionally opening myself up to the world.

and yes i did think he was better when he was with me., key word being "did". Little did i know right? but reality is only so harsh. And his friends? yes i know some of them, only the ones that we have mutually through the place we met, they've known him as long as i have. If only time could go back but we all know that's never going to happen.

As for his family. I tried. it was a hit and miss. and yes i know that its you Tita who in fate found this forum and choose to criticize how i felt. and now you see how i really perceived things. I didn't write what i wrote earlier in hopes to find sympathy at all but instead to find someway to find closure and figure out what to do with you and your son. It was never meant to bash on you and your family as i wrote it, or to judge. I wrote it because the same way he had felt caged, i also was feeling the same. No hard feelings though, im happy we got to talk to night in person about all of this. It has given some closure for me. I just wish the talk hadn't come so late and so many lies had to be told for us to get to this point.

As for your son. Although we have broken up because we had an unhealthy relationship and we need to concentrate on ourselves right now. Do believe me when i say in some ways i still fell the same way about him. And if fate is as kind to you, that you were able to by chance come upon this post then hopefully it will be the same for me. I am settled on now just continuing as i have been with my life. Still planning. Hopefully your son is somewhere along my future even as just a friend and he will learn from his mistakes also. Hope you all do well for yourselves and we meet again on better terms.

huh? are u calling meh tita? or are u saying that tita found this forum?
im sorry to hear that.

[cessers]

huh? are u calling meh tita? or are u saying that tita found this forum?
im sorry to hear that.

His mom found this forum by chance. sorry. Didn't mean for you to think i was talking to you. lol

[cocobubble]

can you read my message that i sent to you. its urgent. please.

[SirWagginston]

What made us not for each other in my eyes at this point was the fact he had lied in order to please both parties. The same as his parents my goal was to improve his life not mess it up. School was important to me also and that was the one thing he had lied to me about, which i found out last night that made me understand their anger in the last week although i still do not understand some of their actions prior. When we first agreed to go out with one another our deal was that we would both have to maintain a certain GPA average in order to stay together. It didn't seem unreasonable. And it was also so we could see whether or not we could handle our relationship in good terms with his parents. If either or both of us didnt make the grade we were suppose to take a break from each other to come up with a plan to fix it. Our issue was he had told me a different story about his grades than the truth. that being he received 2 F's last semester. He hadnt trusted me enough to tell me the truth and i'm sure he was afraid to lose me, but it only added to the tension between his parents and i.

To be honest after my talk with his parents i still wanted to try to be with him. They said they hadnt hated me although their actions told otherwise, but i was willing to try to fix things with them and also him, because he meant THAT much to me. I wanted to talk to his family more and work on a way for us to be together still but he told me he wanted to get things back together on his own and that didnt included me at the moment. He couldnt take the pressure anymore. But he said one day.... Im not going to wait. He has things to take care of including figuring out how to deal with his family |And although im still in love with him, Im mature enough to understand that at this moment its not going to work. Ill just use this as my motivation instead. If hes meant to be mine well find each other in the end and i want to be a better person than i am now if that happens.

I bolded this sentence because it understates exactly what I am talking about, and the severity of this problem. Children are not investments that you just "protect." They're not like dogs or cats or your stock portfolio. They have feelings that need to be respected. It is never acceptable for a parent to simply yell at his or her child without considering what is going on inside the child's head. Good parents don't need to use force, because they are capable of empathizing with the child's feelings, and using that ability to show the child why something he or she is doing is incorrect. The less this is understood by the parent, the more likely the child is to become dysfunctional in critical ways.

Of course this boy lied. He was not just afraid, but terrified of losing you. You were probably his greatest source of comfort. I know what types of parents force their kids into camps they don't want to go to and command them to take up a profession they might not even like. They are the parents who don't give a rat's ass what their children think, and who they are. Adults like this perceive parenting as like an act of sculpture, wherein they can just make whatever they want. they don't realize that their job is to love and support the child unconditionally so that he or she grows properly into who may naturally become. Nurture plays a big role, but nature cannot be ignored.

My sympathies remain primarily for the boy, because I have seen what people with this type of upbringing go through. They become so well-trained to do only what will please others that they have absolutely no idea what they want for themselves. It can takes years or decades for them to overcome their emotional confusion, if they ever do. I don't care whose mother is reading this and how my age might be affecting her perception of me; the chances are good that she behaves this way because the same trauma was inflicted upon her, and cannot accept that fact. It makes me very sad.

If the boy himself is reading this, I hope that by some miracle you have the intelligence and find the emotional fortitude to persevere through this until you have the resources to support yourself.