Okay. . .how do I redeem myself?

[canndee]

My ex broke up with me right before New Year's (I knew it was eventually coming because he had become cold towards me months before.) I'm trying not to miss him but I do. A lot. And I'm hoping there's a chance to rekindle the relationship. But. . .I've been sabotaging that chance. And I think I really sabotaged it last night. It was my birthday a few days ago and he sent me an email. Just an email. I broke down crying and sent him a text asking if he wanted to see me and he said he didn't because he wanted to keep things "simple". And then I texted again saying I felt like he didn't care about me and I don't understand how he could keep his distance. That (obviously) annoyed him and he said this was unhealthy and that he didn't want to get into it. So. . .I wrote him an email explaining that, with it being my birthday, I was feeling overwhelmed and it brought up a lot of suppressed emotions for me and that I do miss him. Yup, overkill.
Is there any way I can redeem myself from being the "depressed, needy" girl? I know I need to keep my distance for a while but whenever I start thinking of him I send him text and then I get over-emotional and start coming off as desperate. I know the only way I can get his attention again is if I start coming off as independent and secure but. . .I'm having a hard time getting there. Any advice?

[girl68]

Honestly sweetie redeeming yourself is would be good for you but you should quit with the whole notion of trying get him back. It sounds like he was just trying to be nice. He doesn't want to get back with you. Redeeming yourself should be done for yourself not so you can save face to get him back. I think he's made that perfectly clear.

[canndee]

Ugh. . .I know you're right. If he wanted to see me he would have. I know it's that simple. Sometimes I just need to hear someone else say it.
It's just hard.

[girl68]

I know it is.. but it will get better with time. You just had a relapse with the recipt of that email. Get busy, hang out with your friends. It really is THAT simple (plus time).

[VincenzoG91]

Stop.

Just stop.

You don't have a chance to re-kindle this relationship. He dumped you, after months of being cold to you. He isn't interested in you anymore, and from what I'm reading here, he hasn't given you any reason to think otherwise, except for one email. And I have the impression that the email was a brief "happy birthday" kind of message.

You need to move on. Don't start dating right away, because you probably aren't ready for that, but stay busy. Focus on a hobby, or show some initiative at work, or spend more time staying in touch with friends and family. Read a book, watch a movie, get some exercise. Something. Try to enjoy being single for a while. Be really selfish and spoil yourself with some special treat, like maybe a massage or a new outfit. And when you are finally feeling happier, start dating again.

Maybe your old boyfriend will eventually get interested in you again. But since he dumped you, there must have been some important aspect of your relationship that he wasn't satisfied with, so it's more likely that he won't be back. But even if he is thinking about it, the one surefire way to repel him is to act all desperate and clingy. So just float on, be single, get happy, and be open to future possibilities.

[Gigabitch]

There are so many, many other guys out there. Look forward, not back.