Hi Everyone!!!

[Lovelygirl319]

I'm new to this forum and am in need of some advice. I am 25y/o and have been with my fiance for 9yrs now. We are high school sweethearts and have a wonderful relationship. We live in Florida and he may be getting a job in Salt Lake City, Utah. This is a great opportunity for him, I just don't know if I can move due to my mother's state of health. My mom has metastatic breast cancer and has to do chemotherapy and I want to stay close to her. I don't want to move to SLC with him and regret it. They both mean the world to me and I feel torn b/c of this situation. The job market where we live now in Florida is not great, I've been looking for a job for the last month and cannot find one here. I'm also planning on going back to school for my masters and I need to know where I'm going to live, so that I can apply to potential schools.

He doesn't want to have a long distance relationship and says that he'll give me until next January to move with him and if I don't then he will have to move on. I can't put my life on hold, I need to get back into school and if I start a program down here in Florida, I will have to finish it before moving to SLC, which will take about 2yrs to finish.

I am in some need of advice regarding my situation. I feel torn and can't decide...I want to make the best decision and I don't want to regret it in the future. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

[vashti]

What's your mom's prognosis?

[Gigabitch]

I think if you need to take care of your mom right now, school can wait another year. Maybe start doing something online if you need to get going right away, but don't tie yourself to a schedule that you'll have to give up if she takes a turn for the worse.

[sookie6]

He doesn't want to have a long distance relationship and says that he'll give me until next January to move with him and if I don't then he will have to move on. I can't put my life on hold, I need to get back into school and if I start a program down here in Florida, I will have to finish it before moving to SLC, which will take about 2yrs to finish.

I am in some need of advice regarding my situation. I feel torn and can't decide...I want to make the best decision and I don't want to regret it in the future. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

We don't know all the facts but he seems quite a selfish young man. I can understand his doubts about a long distance relationship but you've been together 9 years!!!!

Does that not count for anything.

To me such a long relationship is similar to marriage meaning he needs to stick up with you though thick and thin...

Surely there is a way to compromise without dismissing nearly a decade together.

On the other hand you' re only 25. And to me his behaviour does not bode well for a future together.

It might time to reassess your goals and expectations in life and see if he can possibly be part of it.

[misombra]

if i were you i would stay with my mom. metastasis means the cancer is spreading to other organs. not good. it's a good time to see how deep is his love.

[Incognito]

As much as my experience tells me that most other men are hard headed and insensitive as a brick there has to be a reason why he said that. I'd like to believe that he didn't simply give you that ultimatum without some sort of discussion beforehand. There are some circumstances where I could see him going no matter what, like a one time only job opportunity. Or even if all of your plans up to this point were leading up to this move. Unless your mom doesn't have someone to take her to chemotherapy I would spend the rest of the year with her and then go to Utah (especially if you can't find work and you need to make a decision about school). Your mom does not have an expiration date, so you could be sticking around for a while (meanwhile not making any money, not going to school, and possibly ending your relationship). Don't forget that you can always take a plane trip to your mom if things start going south while you are in Utah. If, however, your fiance is being uncaring and unreasonable you should ask youself what the rest of your life will be like together. Actually, I'd ask why after 9 years of being engaged you two aren't married yet?