What do you think of my poem?

[Lozenger]

One day i just sat and wrote a poem for a competition. I just wrote it as the words came to me. Being the one that wrote it, i can find many things wrong with it, some are really obvious. But i just wanted to know what you all thought of it. So how did it make you feel, how could it be improved? Any feedback would be much appreciated

Promises

Harsh winds roar ruthlessly through the Barren land.
My heart broken in pieces, lost in the currents.
Dead leaves soar up from the Earth
Rippling like raging tides in a stormy ocean.
We try. I hope. I fail. We argue. Again.
Rain hammers relentlessly down, the trees stand beaten and Frozen.
Why is this happening to me? When will it end? What is the Point?

I fall in a heap on the floor and pray.

The rain continues, the cold earth exposed,
Thirsts for its long awaited drink and absorbs.
I sit by the window for three moons and wait in agony for an answer.
Soft sunlight dapples through the forest,
The ground erupts as shoots push up,
Grasping for the recess above.
Still I wait, hoping, praying for all I'm worth. We try again...
And then I see it.
The frost slips away, gradually reclining,
Leaving bare the spiked branches, releasing its grip
Relieving them; again they breathe.
I continue staring, my prayers heard.

Time shifts and moves once more to a New Beginning.
Birds sing uncertain, their silvery voices renting the air, cautious of the changes.
My stomach twists anxiously, for this is just the start.

What if it goes wrong?

Dew hangs on the webs like diamonds from a chain,
Leaves unfold from their sleep, stretching in the golden light.
I awake the following day, peaceful and calm. And I know.
I Just know.
Rabbits appear bleary eyed from the warrens, the foxes stir,
Squirrels rattle the tree tops and shimmy to the fresh ground.
They've made it and this time,
We have too.
Light fractures and renders across the sky, A bright arc, a
Rainbow formed, bringing with it the Gift of New Life.
I gain a few pounds. I crave different foods. My breasts enlarge.
At last, I will be a Mother.

[Mish]

Solemn in the beginning, but beautifully written. It gives you a kind of anxious feeling.


Good to have you back Lozenger, how have you been?

[Lozenger]

Aww really? Thank you
And yeah it is good to be back - i have been quite busy i tell ya - what with the last year of school and everything! And yeah i'm good thanks you?

[Mish]

Good to hear

I've been good too. Had a nice break, now it's a new year at uni so things are getting busy again

[Lozenger]

Ooh cool - what are you studing?

[Mish]

MBA, what was / is your last year of school of?