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[love2010]

i am still having so much trouble with my recent breakup and i just wanted some opinions. I still have to deal with my ex because we haven't figured out what to do with our new house we just bought 3 months ago. There is so much still to work out so the no contact method is not working. I feel like i will never move on, but i know i have to. I went tonight to see her and talk about some legal matters and i couldn't even look at her with a straight face i am having trouble finding people i can talk to i am already getting one friend and my parents sick of me. i am afraid i wont move on because i am getting my own apt in two weeks and the thought of buying the simplest things is terrifying to me, and on top of that my older sister already has her own psychologist and take strong pills to control her panic and anxiety i don't want to get there. should i try harder to meet people i need help from a live person where should i turn? am i just taking this to hard? please help

[cmacattack1]

Well when you are this serious into a relationship, as in sharing a house, it's very hard to hold no contact. No contact is good for you as in it gets you apart from her to sort out your own issues without the constant emotional beatdown you get from seeing her or talking to her. Something you can't avoid.

I think you already tried talking it out. It didn't get you anywhere. If she doesn't want to, any attempt on your end will just be a tugging match between her. Another reason why no contact is good, to give her time on her own to sort things out. I know you want somebody to talk to and everybody else is sick of hearing it. You should talk on here. Post about everything you are having trouble coming to terms with. Everything you now notice about your relationship and what you are learning about it. Maybe we can provide some insight. She isn't going to leave your mind, and letting it all out might make you feel a little better. You should read some of my older posts. I wrote novels and novels about a stupid 8 month relationship. And it did make me feel better because I learned alot thanks to the help I've received from some people on here. I'm sure you have more to write about.

All you can really do right now is find your own place, get your own life set up. It's lonely as hell, I know. It's yours though. It's your life. This is more of an opportunity to do things that you never thought of or thought possible before with your nice, neat structured life you had before. An opportunity to become a better person than the person you were before with her, as perfect as it used to seem. This should be your first two goals: establishing your own life and self improvement

[QueenofCorona]

Breathe. You can get through this. Is there anyway you can hire a lawyer or an accountant to be the middle man in this? It might help if there is a way to not have to physically have to see her, if you can just go sign paperwork or communicate through someone else? Make it all about business at this point. I don't know. Very though situation. You can always come here to unload. No shame in talking to a professional or being on meds if they work.

[Illusional]

yes, if you are like you say you are, then i would get mad at you too. if you were looking at this from the outside, you probably would consider yourself pitiful because you handle can't your shit like a man. if you're a female, then you're being too dependent. point being, your ex doesn't want you anymore and by you hanging around and sulking about this, they are seeing you as more pitiful and it was a better decision to dump you now, rather than have you drag them down later.

as for the house, settle it by selling it and splitting the money. sure you probably will loose a large chunk, but unless one of you is willing to buy the other out, then you're only option left is to sell it. it's a shitty matter, but then should've been thought about before the house was purchased.

raverboy

[love2010]

i appreciate all the insight especially cmacattack1 i am getting my own place in two weeks i am trying so hard to face being alone, but i have panic and anxiety attacks, so believe me i am trying. as far as it goes with seeing her i am taking all the right advice and not crying or begging or showing her that i miss her. i think i have been doing pretty good with showing her i am doing good even though behind the scenes i am falling to my knees. So i have done everything possible to take all this advice and be proactive and try to move on, but like everyone else i have those endless thoughts like: ill never get over is,i will never move on,i am gonna go crazy and end up taking medications and seeing shrinks i truly feel all this,but i know i have to get it out of my head.another thing its true when your in this situation it gives you insight and lots of things to think about what went wrong what was bad and how to learn from my mistakes.

[cmacattack1]

I've never had problems with panic attacks and anxiety, so I guess it's difficult for me to understand. I do understand, however, the feeling that this was it, you blew it and that your life won't ever be the same and as good as it was before. It's a common mentality and it's just defeating you. You can't help what is happened, and you can't help that she doesn't feel this way anymore.

Just an important thing to remember is that you don't need her in your life to be happy. I'm sure you feel that need right now, but as it subsides you will realize that you don't need her or anyone for that matter to make you happy. You will have to find happiness on your own and once you do, you will be able to further increase upon that by being able to share your life with another person that you find and to be able to offer them one hundred percent of what you have. Not saying it's guarenteed, but there is more than just one "one" out there for us.

I know you feel like a pathetic failure. I feel the exact same way, 5 months after my break up, and even 4 months of no contact. And this was after 8 pathetic months, in which you have years to look back on. The harder you try to pull yourself out of this rut, the better off you will be. Don't expect anybody to come and save you. That is reserved for the girls unfortunately. The only way you can is to do things for you, to make you feel better about yourself, to give yourself some self worth. I live with my parents at 23 and my self worth isn't building at a very fast pace. It's up to you to really make something happen. You may not feel like it, but if you really want to be the happy person that your ex fell in love with or the brand new and better you for another to fall in love with, the sooner you start, the better you will be off, and the quicker the results you seek (being over your ex/being back together) can happen.

[Illusional]

haha, was i a bit too honest?

raverboy