Falling for a guy at work, but found out he has a girlfriend!

[black-rose]

Hi everyone,

Really need some help and advice here, im going out of my mind! I have been at my work for a year now and ever since i started i instantly clicked with one particular guy. We got on so well and he made work fun and helped me out when i wasn't sure what to do. Only problem is over time i grew a huge crush for this guy.. he flirted with me all the time and always touched my arm whenever i said something funny or as he was passing he would squeeze my hip etc. etc. We spoke on facebook and we even exchanged numbers. Sometimes we would go out for drinks with other work collegues then end up walking home on our own together, and it was these walks home that we talked about anything and everything. It was fun. Gradually i could feel my feelings for him growing stronger. I then found out he had a girlfriend and quite honestly i was crushed and felt slightly annoyed because all this time he had made me think he was interested, i really thought he might ask me out on a date or something. I guess its my own fault for not asking but i just kind of assumed because of his behaviour.

Well only problem is i think i am falling for him. I think about him 24/7, I care about him so much and i feel like i have known him my whole life. I have shared my feelings with him (only said i like him) and he admitted he likes me too, alot, maybe too much and that if he wasn't with his girlfriend he would ask me out in an instant. Easy for him to say because he has no intention of breaking up with her.

He is 8 years older than me. Has been with his gf for 4 years and lives with her in a house they have a morgage on. I know i cannot compare to this and i don't expect anything from him, i am just having major problems with accepting that he is taken. This stupid crush has got waaaay out of control and i feel like i cant shake it off.
I would never do anything as long as he is with her but i feel bad because he is kind of i guess emotionally cheating on her with me. Of course i didnt even realise he had a girlfriend until it was too late and i feel real bad.

It kills me that i can never be with him.

Please don't hate me for this. I genuinally feel bad and really just want advice on how to get over someone you are falling for and also work with. It is the hardest thing i have ever had to do! Even harder than getting over my three year relationship!

Thanks for reading x

[Doc Durian]

Retract from the situation a bit. Don't walk alone with him, don't go out with him outside of work functions, and don't be too flirty.

[Gigabitch]

You don't want this guy. He's got a woman at home and he's touching your hip and having long talks about anything and everything with you. His behavior crosses a line, and if you were the woman waiting at home it would be making you ill.

See him for what he is.

[QueenofCorona]

It sucks but you have to put up some walls at this point. For some reason she's still around so either he's got genuine feelings for her or he's keeping her around for something. Be the bigger person and put yourself in that girls shoes.You didn't do anything wrong but just imagine how bad you'd feel if this was going on behind your back.

[black-rose]

Thanks for you replies and yes you are all right. I need to take myself out of the situation because someone is going to get hurt and i don't want that to happen. I am a good person and would never intentionally hurt someone. If i was his girlfriend i would be devastated if i knew he was behaving this way with another girl, i know how it feels to be cheated on, my ex did it to me! I do know i need to back off and i am trying to build those walls but for anyone that has been here will know that its easier said than done.. How do i build these walls? What would be a good first step? I have stopped the walking home alone thing and i am also toning down my reactions to his flirting, its just very very hard you know..

[QueenofCorona]

I would just kind of distance yourself from him. Don't be snotty but don't be overly warm to him, not to hurt him but obviously if you are sweet to him he's going to be sweet back and it'll just make you feel caught up in emotion. If you can slide in and out of work avoiding him, maybe do so. Try to line up plans with friends or hit up the gym as an excuse to not be able sit and chat with him for lenghthy periods. Just kinda ween yourself off him.

[Gigabitch]

If it were me, I'd go for a gentle confrontation. The next time he tried to walk home with me or flirt with me, I'd look him right in the eye and say, "This was a whole lot more fun before I found out you weren't available", and turn and walk away.