Men: please help me understand this guy!

[metrobabe]

Hey guys! So this is the first time I've ever posted on a forum like this, which is a bit scary, but I'm trusting you lovely male people will be able to give me some good advice!

I met this guy before Christmas in my first year of uni. We got along instantly, because we both have similar senses of humour and we ended up chatting for ages the first time we met! Over the last few months, things have been gradually developing.
We pretty much fancied each other since we met, and we were quite flirty with each other. I sent him a V day text (anonymously) a couple of weeks ago, and within 2 days he had figured out it was me who sent it. He's made a special effort with me ever since - we've been speaking every day (usually online or by text, as we only usually see each other on Friday and Sunday night) and he's been really flirty - teasing me a LOT, asking me questions like "are you looking for a relationship at the moment?", and leaving me loads of kisses at the end of our conversations. Let's just say that I've been getting really positive vibes. He's also a pretty private person, but as we've been getting to know each other more, he's been opening up to me about his feelings and fears and things. I was told by one of his friends that he very rarely does this unless he trusts someone.

So things were all looking great! I was really looking forward to seeing him last night, as I hadn't seen him since he figured out that the V day text was from me. But if I'm honest, it was a bit of an anti climax! He spent the whole of the beginning of the evening sneaking glances my way (I don't want to sound arrogant, but a girl can tell, if it's that obvious!). He even turned up wearing the colour that I'd told him a couple of days ago he looked good in (although this may have been a coincidence). Afterwards, he came over to me and a group of friends, and he did his usual jokey, teasing thing with me. When he's around me, he generally smiles a lot, and his body language is angled directy towards me.

However, later we all went to a bar. I don't wanna seem needy, but considering how much interest he's been paying me lately, I expected him to at least make an effort to have a one-to-one conversation with me at one point. Despite the fact he's very much a people person and loves socializing with everyone, that's really the best way of us getting to know each other more! But that didn't really happen. We spoke in groups, with our friends, and he seemed to be loitering near me for most of the night, whether this was intentional or not I don't know. When I left, he gave me this weird sort of pat on the head and ruffled my hair, which I think was his awkward way of not really being sure how to say bye!

So I was a bit disappointed - he's so easy to talk to by text, or face to face, and he definitely seemed to be revealing that he liked me, although when he's with me in person he doesn't seem as responsive! I wasn't expecting his undivided attention, but a bit more acknowledgement would have been nice, and maybe even a sort of hint at how he feels. I don't know if he's just shy. But given that he knows how I feel, I would have thought that if he did like me in that way, he would be making more of an effort to speak to me when we do see each other, as it is only a couple of times a week!

To add to that, when I got back, we were both online - he started the conversation, and we chatted briefly, although his answers were a bit vague and he didn't seem as lively or interested as usual! I said bye pretty quickly, and he didn't leave any kisses, or anything, which made me worry that somehow I'd put him off, or that he'd lost interest.

Sounds pretty pathetic, I know! But it's a bit painful when someone can apparently be quite into you, and then after spending the evening with you in person, can suddenly be not quite as keen to talk to you!! Maybe I'm overanalysing, or he was just in a weird/bad/tired mood. What do you guys think?

x

[dewilliams2]

Maybe he just is shy in person...its easy to be a stud online...but meeting in person can be a little more difficult...I used to be very shy more out of inexperience than anything else but honestly the best way I overcame it was by just not having any expectations. My meaning being I simply learned to enjoy the moment...this might take him a while to learn. In the mean time if you really like the guy then stay persistent and don't be afraid to make the first move.

Are you very attractive? Beautiful women can be intimating at times especially if he thinks you are out of his league.

[metrobabe]

Actually now that you mention it, I think you could be right ... in one of our more serious conversations a couple of days ago, he did admit to me that although he seems really confident and extrovert from afar, he's actually not that confident. Maybe he just doesn't know how to act around me, he doesn't want to come on too strong so he's trying to be casual? I have to admit, I'm prone to doing the same thing! But I do like him, and definitely I have a lot of respect for him.

I'm definitely not Jessica Alba attractive but if I had to be honest with myself, I would say I'm pretty attractive, also something which might be a bit intimidating to him is that quite a few of our mutual friends seem to like being around me as well ... I think this is more due to my outgoingness and friendliness though! I get a sense that he might doubt his own attractiveness. He's not stereotypically gorgeous, but he is good looking, and he's my type. So I'm definitely going to take your advice and not let this get me down but stay persistent and hang in there, thanks!

[dewilliams2]

Trust me you don't have to be Jessica Alba to intimidate a guy if he finds you gorgeous.

If your always with friends maybe you should make an attempt to get him alone. That might help him feel a little more comfortable (if he doesn't have an audience).

[Doc Durian]

Hey guys! So this is the first time I've ever posted on a forum like this, which is a bit scary, but I'm trusting you lovely male people will be able to give me some good advice!

I met this guy before Christmas in my first year of uni. We got along instantly, because we both have similar senses of humour and we ended up chatting for ages the first time we met! Over the last few months, things have been gradually developing.
We pretty much fancied each other since we met, and we were quite flirty with each other. I sent him a V day text (anonymously) a couple of weeks ago, and within 2 days he had figured out it was me who sent it. He's made a special effort with me ever since - we've been speaking every day (usually online or by text, as we only usually see each other on Friday and Sunday night) and he's been really flirty - teasing me a LOT, asking me questions like "are you looking for a relationship at the moment?", and leaving me loads of kisses at the end of our conversations. Let's just say that I've been getting really positive vibes. He's also a pretty private person, but as we've been getting to know each other more, he's been opening up to me about his feelings and fears and things. I was told by one of his friends that he very rarely does this unless he trusts someone.

So things were all looking great! I was really looking forward to seeing him last night, as I hadn't seen him since he figured out that the V day text was from me. But if I'm honest, it was a bit of an anti climax! He spent the whole of the beginning of the evening sneaking glances my way (I don't want to sound arrogant, but a girl can tell, if it's that obvious!). He even turned up wearing the colour that I'd told him a couple of days ago he looked good in (although this may have been a coincidence). Afterwards, he came over to me and a group of friends, and he did his usual jokey, teasing thing with me. When he's around me, he generally smiles a lot, and his body language is angled directy towards me.

However, later we all went to a bar. I don't wanna seem needy, but considering how much interest he's been paying me lately, I expected him to at least make an effort to have a one-to-one conversation with me at one point. Despite the fact he's very much a people person and loves socializing with everyone, that's really the best way of us getting to know each other more! But that didn't really happen. We spoke in groups, with our friends, and he seemed to be loitering near me for most of the night, whether this was intentional or not I don't know. When I left, he gave me this weird sort of pat on the head and ruffled my hair, which I think was his awkward way of not really being sure how to say bye!

So I was a bit disappointed - he's so easy to talk to by text, or face to face, and he definitely seemed to be revealing that he liked me, although when he's with me in person he doesn't seem as responsive! I wasn't expecting his undivided attention, but a bit more acknowledgement would have been nice, and maybe even a sort of hint at how he feels. I don't know if he's just shy. But given that he knows how I feel, I would have thought that if he did like me in that way, he would be making more of an effort to speak to me when we do see each other, as it is only a couple of times a week!

To add to that, when I got back, we were both online - he started the conversation, and we chatted briefly, although his answers were a bit vague and he didn't seem as lively or interested as usual! I said bye pretty quickly, and he didn't leave any kisses, or anything, which made me worry that somehow I'd put him off, or that he'd lost interest.

Sounds pretty pathetic, I know! But it's a bit painful when someone can apparently be quite into you, and then after spending the evening with you in person, can suddenly be not quite as keen to talk to you!! Maybe I'm overanalysing, or he was just in a weird/bad/tired mood. What do you guys think?

x

He's probably shy and you're expecting him to do all of the extrovert work... the flirty stuff. If you like him, and you reckon he likes you.... have a normal conversation with him.... if you're still sure, and it's still the 21'st century..... make the move if he doesn't first. Some guys were recently raised by single mums and have the same sensibilities as you, but with added gender/feminism specific hurdles.

If you respond well, he'll most likely meet you half way.... if he's keen.

It's an equal playing field these days with a whole lot less male players and a whole lot more female players.

Just be sincere, and it'll all work out for the best. In this relationship or the next.

[metrobabe]

I definitely think that's what we need to do more of, spending time just the two of us without friends around! That way we will know for sure where we stand I guess. If we really like each other, we'll have a great time when we're alone. If we don't click as well when we're alone, we'll know we're not right for each other!

We're supposed to be in the same place tomorrow so I'll try and ask him before if he wants to walk there together or something. Hopefully that will work!

And thanks again

[metrobabe]

Oh and Doc Durian, you're totally right about the whole expecting him to make the move thing, but that's really because he knows where I stand in terms of liking him since he knows that it was me who sent him the Valentines text. Wouldn't it be better just to wait for him to acknowledge how he feels about me? Or is this unlikely to happen if he's shy, regardless of whether or not he knows I like him?

[dewilliams2]

Just out of curiosity what was the valentines day text? I mean valentines day has become such a commercialized holiday that it is just as common for a friend to send you a valentines day message as someone who is romantically interested in you.

I wouldn't necessarily take a valentines day text as a woman is interested in me as much as she is just being friendly unless it obviously made it clear without question....but of course I can be thick at times.

[Cbrider]

He likes you and is just shy in person, there is no doubt about that. You have an outgoing personality and aren't critical about yourself when it comes to the little things. It's just the opposite for him, he's nervous around you because he's attracted to you, so he's questioning himself.

Go walk with him away from the group, more people just adds pressure for him to initiate something. I guarantee that if you get him away from the group and its one on one, the person he wants to be will come out.

Doc is right, its the 21st century and there is some role reversal in play. Grab his hand, kiss him on the cheek, don't be afraid to initiate.

[metrobabe]

The text was "happy valentines day stranger enjoy knowing that someone out there thinks you're pretty special." Admittedly I didn't actually spell it out, but if I got that message, I'd definitely be inclined to think that somebody was interested in me!

Also Cbrider, thanks so much for your post, it was really helpful. I'm definitely thinking that one on one time is the way forward. And a little bit of initiation as well, I've gotta break out of that "guys first" cycle.

Thank youu

[Doc Durian]

" happy valentines day stranger" might not have conveyed your interest to him... it's a combination of grey areas. Just saying....

I would have thought. "Oh, good female friend sends message...wait, does that have a double meaning or am I just too concentrated?"

then I would have thought (If I fancied you already):

" She's gorgeous... I love spending every second I can with her... but she called me a stranger... Maybe she's just aiming for friendship:... I dunno...."...

[metrobabe]

Ooooh you're right. I didn't think of it that way before. Also, in the course of trying to figure out who sent the text (he guessed it may have been me) and for a little while afterwards, he did ask me certain subtle questions that would have given him a better understanding that I did actually fancy him. Although I haven't admitted it outright to him... but I would guess that he knew by now for sure!

[Doc Durian]

You only live once.... if you love and/or respect someone for something......friend/lover/ or foe.... say it out loud when you can. The rest naturally works out.

[dewilliams2]

Yea that is the kinda message I get from my female friends...I wouldn't take that as they are interested in me...its funny and kinda playful but vague....your intentions definitely weren't clear with that message.

No worries though...I say knock him down and kiss him...thats a great way to show your interested...a little forward but certainly not vague....if he doesn't get that message then I hope he is pretty cause he isn't bright.