Why did I do that?

[tiger_eyes]

Hey everybody.. so this is my first post.. and I'm a little bit nervous.. cause I don't know what you will think about me when you read the story that I'm gonna tell you now..

A year ago.. I had this best friend, Kevin. He was really nice and we had so much fun together.. I think it was the best time of my life, but then this time changed. Everyone told me how good we fit together.. and what a lovely couple we are. I laughed about it, but then I realized, that he talks in a different way to me than I to him.. First, I don't want to pay attention to it.. one day I told his colleauge that he should tell Kevin, that he should let me go..
I didnt want to hurt him.. cause I thought that he would get over me if he doesn't see me anymore.. but because of that.. I hurtet him and me, because after that I realized, that he ment nearly everything to me, but I was not able to love him..

On my birthday he wrote me that he knows that he is not very important to me.. but he wanted to wish me happy birthday. The I wrote back: "You mean something to me. How r u?" And then we wrote again.. and he was very happy.. but then I realized, that he has changed, and that I had changed.. he has got a girlfriend and I .. I was still alone.. So I stopped writing back. 1 week, 2 weeks, and so on.. In his last message he told me, that on the day I wrote him back, he had a feeling that noone ever on earth has got and that he will delete my number and wont write me anymore..

I thought that I got over him.. Sometimes I wish that he would hold me in his arms and tells me that everything gonna be ok.. and on the oter days I hate him for making me hate him.. Why can't I get over him?? What happens to me??

[Illusional]

there really isn't anything that you can do because he's already in a relationship. that is, unless you want to break them up, i would try and forget about him for now.

raverboy

[tiger_eyes]

oh I forgot to say.. He broke up with his girlfriend a few days after I wrote him back.. I don't know if it was because of me..

I don't love him.. I just wanted to know how I can get over him, how I can forget him.

[Illusional]

if you don't love him, then why do you want him to hold you in his arms? you gotta get your facts straight before you confuse us and yourself even more.

raverboy

[Peter Pry]

It's not uncommon to "discover you love" someone after breaking up with them. There is a strong human desire for what we can't/don't have. You're sending him very mixed messages and torturing this man you claim to love. Of course he doesn't want to talk to you. Make up your mind, and whichever way you choose, stick with it.

[tiger_eyes]

I think you don't understand me..
He was my best friend, of course he means very much to me!
I cant love him, the way he loves me and I hate myself for that.
He doesn't hate me.. He let me go, because I wanted it to!
And I hate myself that I had to hurt him by leaving him.
And I want him to hold me in his arms to tell me that I havent hurt him and that I should not think about it any longer.

[Illusional]

well what's done is done. you can't expect him to just change all his feelings about you over night. later in life if you two remain as friends, he'll probably forgive you. that is after he's moved on. but for now, you're just gonna have to suck it up and live with your decision. it's not always a good feeling in life, but you can't help the way you either feel or don't feel about someone.

raverboy

[Peter Pry]

You can't hate yourself for not feeling an emotion. You have no control over that. You're a good person for caring about his pain, but the best thing to do is probably to leave him alone for a while to give him an opportunity to fully explore his new relationship. You ARE sending him mixed messages, so cut that out.

Your desire for him to hold you and tell you that it's all-right is selfish. However unintentional, you cannot expect to cause someone pain and then realistically expect them to comfort you. He's dealing with his own pain, and you can't help him with it. Trying, like you are trying, will only hurt him more for longer.

[Illusional]

there isn't anything wrong with being selfish.

raverboy

[Peter Pry]

there isn't anything wrong with being selfish.

raverboy

Not in general, but in this case it is causing two people pain and nobody pleasure. Be selfish, but do it constructively as a means to happiness, and rid yourself of it when it causes suffering.

[tiger_eyes]

Thank you.. but don't you think that I am cruel and heartless?? I could not tell him that he should leave me alone. I was too craven.
He wanted to be friends, but I thought, that then, he will never get over me.

[Peter Pry]

You are not cruel and heartless. Cruel would be to string him along, allowing him hope when there is none. Heartless would be to give him just enough attention to keep him wanting you, using his vulnerable heart as a toy.

[Illusional]

what's wrong with being cruel and heartless?? in this situation, i don't think that you did anything wrong. so he liked you and you didn't feel the same way about it. and now he's in a world of pain... so what? it happens everyday. being that this is your friend, it's only natural for you to feel bad for him, but on the real, he's gonna have to get over you by himself. with you being around, it will only make it harder.

trust me, i've been in this situation before.. and now that it's been years since i confessed to a girl who was my friend, i again am the same as things were before. well it won't take years, but when i finally realized that i was only going to be a friend in her eyes, i stopped trying to get with her and just remained as friends.

raverboy

[tiger_eyes]

thank you.. thank you so much! You really made me feel better.. thank you!

[Illusional]

don't worry, i'm mean enough for the both of us.

raverboy