So long story put into point form:
-Went out with my first boyfriend, first (so called) love. for 4 years
-Within the 1st year he cheated on me and came clean, I forgave him
-3 years of him cheating, and me knowing, confronting him about it and he always would turn it on me and tell me I'm crazy and a nag and yada yada, basically make it my fault why I thought he would be cheating.
-I got depressed from constantly being told I was horrid, being treated poorly, ugly, bad person, knowing my boyfriend was cheating on me by finding phone numbers with girls names on it, going out to parties without me and sleeping over at who knows where. I was so young and thought that he was my world and if I broke up with him my world would come crashing down and I would never feel that way again.
-I tried to kill myself many times. And he told everyone how crazy I was and laughed at me. But he'd always come back when it pleased him to tell me how much he loved me ect.
-After 3 years I got sick of constantly crying, so I left him (haven't talked to him since, 8 years ago)
Now the problem is, I'm ALWAYS afraid that my boyfriend is going to cheat, even though I know he won't, I don't even want the opportunity to present itself, and I know I can't prevent this and I keep this and my feelings to myself but sometimes he knows that I don't trust him, but I do, I'm just scared. I don't want to be hurt like I was ever again.
Does anyone else feel this way after being cheated on?