Need advice!!! :)

[geminigirl1234]

So I met this guy last summer (6 months ago), we hit it off really well, there was great chemistry and a ton of attraction. He lived 10 hours away from me though. I am 21 he is 22.

So when C and I met, he was really into me, making plans, texting all the time, etc, etc. He would come here for work, and we would spend time at the beach, went to the park together, so we spent quite a bit of time together in the summer.

One night, we were at my house watching a movie and just holding hands, I didnt let him touch me sexually until we spent a bit more time together (about 3 months). Anywyas the night before he sent me a text saying he wanted to ask me something. However the following day he didnt ask me,
so I asked him what he wanted to tell me. He said that he wanted to ask me if I would like a long distance relationship, but that he was in one before and it didnt work out. So then he asked me what I think about friends with benefits.

I got kind of hurt that he would suggest something like that, as I wasnt even sexual with him yet and I thought he saw me as a nice girl, and someone he respects. (Im not too sure why he suggested that actually?)

I told him, im not that type of girl, and that I hope he knows that. He said yes he does.


After that day, he went back to his hometown, and we didnt text for about 4 days. I got kind of upset during that time because he mentioned the whole friends with benefits thing.

4 days later he sent me a text saying he missed me, and I said me too...then we kept on texting again almost everyday.

He came here another time for work and to see me a few weeks later, and we ended up going to this nature place together and he asked me what I think of having a boyfriend, I wasnt really sure if I was ready for it, so I said I think we should just see how it goes and thats it. he said ok, and didnt push any further. He did not mention being exclusive or the girlfriend thing anymore after this.

Anywyas things were really awsome and perfect and he kept on making plans to see me and planned to come here on new years to spend time with me, and also for work.

When new years came along I hadnt seen him in 2 months and we were really excited to see eachother.

Note that before he came here on new years, he started sending me more naughty texts than usual, telling me what he would do to me and how he would touch me and stuff. (We hadnt been very sexual yet though, just touching eachother, making out).

Anywyas New year came by, and it was awosme and he met my friends and they really liked him. I also met his friends the previous time he was here. At this time, we were in what you call an "infatuation phase" -

During that last time he visited though (new years) he stayed here for two weeks. We got pretty intimate fast however during this time, but I felt more comfortable with him so I thought it would be ok. I also started sleeping over at his place more. At this point we had done everything but sex. Also note, we didnt really have many deep conversations yet, which I thought was kind of weird, but he is not that big of a talker.

However, I noticed during this time that he started acting a bit more strange towards me. Like a bit more distance and he wasnt opening himself up to me that much. Anywyas, he still asked to see me every other day that he was here, but I felt that things were a little bit "off" like he was giving me this weird look (not the sweet and loving look he gave me before).

Also note that I was spending quite a bit of time with him then, and wasnt seeing my friends as much (Because it was long distance though I was just really excited for him to be here).

Another thing, the last couple of nights he was in town, he asked me to have sex with him, but I said no. He asked me why and I was too scared to tell him (It was because I wanted things to be special between us, but I was too shy to tell him). Anywyas, I felt that he kind of pressured me a little bit, like he didnt say its ok, I wont pressure you, I understand sort of thing, he was just confused as to why I wouldnt do it.

At this point, I think he was also starting to take me for granted a little bit cuz I was spending quite a bit of time at his place.

Anywyas, the next day I decided to have sex with him, because I thought maybe its not gonna be so scary, and he likes me, so why not.

The next morning I realized that I made a mistake because I wanted to make love to him, but it was more like just SEX, and we both felt a bit awkaward the morning after.

Then he went away to his home town.

2 weeks go by, and I didnt get his daily texts anymore He sent me a couple, but that was it.


I thought that was it, he would never want to see me again.


Two weeks later, he sends me a text saying "hey you, ill see you soon." and asked me when he can come by to see my new place (I also moved out during this time)

Anywyas when he came over that day we went outside to hang out and things were like they were at the beginning. Then he kissed me and said that he missed me and we hugged for a while.

I told him that I thought he forgot about me, and he said no, I was just busy (not sure if this is real, i think he might have just gotten scared because we got close and sexual fast the last time). Does anybody know why he didnt text for so long????

Anywyas, everything was good, and he kissed me and said goodnight.

The following day he didnt text me, and thats when my panic mode kicked in. I was so scared of "losing him" again that I became kind of insecure. I asked him to go swimming the next day and we did, but I was acting really funny around him- insecure, a bit needy, etc. He could sense this, and began to withdraw.

Anywyas, he still keeps texting me, but we didnt see eachother for a week, and then a few days later my text messeging wasnt working, and then on fb I wrote that "my phone is acting weird" and he replied within minutes asking what I am doing in the next few days, and if he can see me.

I said yes, and we went out that time and had a great time, and were cuddling and kissing, and we watched a show and went to a movie, he was taking pics of me like he used to. Everything was awsome.

Also note that I told him again that time that im not a "friends with benefits type of girl"

After we hung out a few more times, a coupe of times with his close friends....after that he started asking me if I can send him a half naked pic of myself. I hesitated, but eventually gave in and sent him one, it wasnt anything bad though, just me in my pjs.

He then asked me if I could send him one topless. I told him no, that I dont feel comfortable. He then told me that he would really like to lie naked with me and just touch me. I gave into that because I thought it was sweet and so I told him he can come over tomorrow and that my parents wouldnt be home. He of course was delighted and he came over. He also asked if I can pick him up, which I thought was really weird.

But, my parents ended up being home, and he was kind of confused when he came over. Then I told him, if something casual is all you want I cant see you anymore. He told me thats not all he wants, and that he does care, but because of the distance it will be hard for him to be my boyfriend.

Then he asked me if he pressured me into sex, and I said yes, but that I forgive him.

Anywyas he told me that he is leaving to his hometown soon, and asked if I still want to see him in April when he comes here again and I said yes. I also told him that night that im not ready for sex and that I want it to be special. We then cuddled a bit.

The following day he asked me to hang out with him and I said yes.
we then ended up going to the park, chasing geese, he was taking pics of me again. He held my hand, etc, anywyas things were good..


Then, we started kissing a bit, and he starting to go inside my underwear and fingering me and then asked me innocently if I want to go "finish this off at your place?"

Thats when I really freaked out, because I was thinking, I made it clear to him the previous night that I dont want to have sex with him and that im not ready, so why was he even asking this sort of question.

I then became silent and he said "your quiet" And I told him I cant have sex with him or anybody right now. He said ok. Then I told him to go away to go away now, and pointed my finger to the direction he needs to go. He thought I was joking, but then I became really serious and he then asked do you really want me to go? and I said no...and then I told him, this isnt going to work, we want different things, and hes like yeah I guess and I asked him "why" and he said "becuase of the distance for one thing" Then I started crying. he asked if I wanted him to stay for a bit, and I said yes...then we hugged and because he didnt say anything like lets be together, bla bla, I care for you, I told him to go away kind of rudely, to get out....and he just left.....he walked away..... and I was sitting there on the bench crying....

I later sent him a fb messege saying

"Sorry about the way I spoke to you that day, I shouldnt have told you to go away like that. Thats it, hope your doing well, take care."

He replied by saying "No you dont, I understand why you did it that way. Anywyas, if your ever in (his hometown) we should go for coffee. Take care"


The end.

What were his intentions?

Do you think I hurt him, or does he just think im one of those overly emotional weird girls?

Was it the right decision to let him go?

I regret the decision now. But I wonder if he still has feelings for me. What do you guys think? And should I contact him again in the future to hang out?

[IndiReloaded]

Yes, you are right to let this one go. You are looking for something different than he is. He mentioned a FB at one point, that's basically what he wants.

You are on that slippery slope of using withholding sex to capture this guy. He's not biting. Sorry, but I think you deserve someone who really wants you. He's not that guy. Its not the distance, BTW. Its him, he wouldn't be any different if he lived next door.

[geminigirl1234]

Do you think he wanted FWB all along?
But he was so sweet to me, and we spent so much time together.
Also, why did he ask me if I want him to be my boyfriend a while back?

Im not using/withholding sex to capture him...I am just scared that if I become more intimate he would leave.....

If you really like a girl, would you keep mentioning the whole sex thing, even though you know the girl doesnt feel comfortable?

[intrepid1]

This sounds to me like a pretty shallow, sleazy guy, but at least he was honest about what he was looking for. I think to a point he said what he thought you wanted to hear, but he is definitely not in this for true love. You should bid him a fond farewell & move on-there are plenty of guys out there who will truly want to get to know who you are, how you feel, & what you want in a relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

Do you think he wanted FWB all along?
But he was so sweet to me, and we spent so much time together.
Also, why did he ask me if I want him to be my boyfriend a while back?

Im not using/withholding sex to capture him...I am just scared that if I become more intimate he would leave.....

If you really like a girl, would you keep mentioning the whole sex thing, even though you know the girl doesnt feel comfortable?

Its hard to guess his exact motives from your posts, and they really don't matter. But my guess is he's a bit of an attention whore who gets an ego boost from you chomping at his bit. Point is, he's not that invested in you or a relationship so you should stop giving him your energy. It costs him little to be nice to you, or anyone I suspect, so I wouldn't read into that too much.

If you are afraid he will leave re: sex then don't go there. Right decision. You don't trust him, he's not giving you any reason to. In fact, he's been rather upfront about his wants. BTW, there are many 'nice guys' out there who prey on girls exactly like you, who think that a bit of attention thrown your way when he has the time & inclination = investing in you. Its not. He's probably like this with a lot of people. Don't get me wrong. I don't think he's actively manipulating you, so he's not exactly a jerk. He's just a different animal than you are used to. He's let you know that IF you were into some no-strings sex (FWB) that he would oblige. Nothing wrong with that attitude except its not what YOU are looking for. So, look elsewhere. Simple.

[davidtorres]

yes, that is why he brough it up.
so what if he was sweet? a guy can do anything just to get with a girl he wants.
maybe because he saw something. reality is , long distance relationship does not work unless you move close to him or he move close to you.


of course he will keep asking that thing because he is a GUY. lol understand that guy think with their other head.

[geminigirl1234]

But the thing is, everything between us was so great beforehand. Like he never pressured me and didnt even bring up the subject of sex until only a few months ago (At that point we had known eachother for about 4 months). He was always very respectful to me, and made plans to come here, and for me to go to his hometown.

But I think what made him change his attitude to me is that I started spending a lot of time with him, and became sort of too available for him with my time. I think he could sense my insecurity.

Perhaps this is what turned him off, and made him just start seeing me as a casual girl. Cuz before he asked me if I want him to be my boyfriend.

Maybe what turned him off was that I was kind of insecure last time he was here. I know that is a major attraction killer for a lot of guys. Like as soon as they know they have the girl and she is really into them, then they dont have the "need" to fight for her anymore.

Do you guys agree on this?

[IndiReloaded]

Why are you so desperate to assume its something wrong with you? He wants sex, you want relationship. The fact your needs are different doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you. You post like you think you 'failed' somehow at convincing him to be in a relationship with you. That's wrong-thinking, Gemini.