I have a dilemma here...

[Dankarella]

Ugh, my ex Aaron who I dated and lived with for 6 1/2 years and who I broke up with over 4 months ago, is literally BEGGING me to come back to him and give him another chance. I have made it perfectly clear that I have moved on. Plus the fact that I have already given him numerous chances in the past where he has promised he would change, etc. (we've broken up a few times before, and I've completely moved out a few times before). But he just keeps bugging me everyday now and won't leave me alone! It's starting to get really annoying and he won't move on, and he's making ME feel like the jerk for not going back to him and liking someone else. I don't know what I should do! It's been over 4 months now, I don't get it. (we're both age 28)

The dilemma is: for the past 2-3 months I've been totally crushing on this guy I work with named Matt (age 24). He seems to really like me and is always asking me to do stuff with him and his friends and even asks me to come with him to things further off in the future. But at the same time, he seems to be casually seeing a few other girls every so often, and is probably tentative to commit to one girl right now. But we totally click with each other and have SO much in common it's ridiculous, like from all our major and minor interests, to things we've done in the past, to our personality quirks, and we make each other laugh. He used to be friends with my younger brother when they were in grade school. We are very much alike, way more alike than my ex and I were, plus he reminds me of the type of funny guy my grandpa is. Plus according to an astrology book, our birthdays are soul-mate matches. And I know if Matt and I were to end up together, he wouldn't ever belittle me like my ex did. I know there's definitely something there, things just have been slow and steady for the past few weeks...

On the other hand, Aaron is begging me to come back to him and give him another chance and is even talking marriage. I know we get along well, but when we fight things can escalate very fast and get out of hand. Him and I are opposites, so even though opposites attract, we always had a push/pull thing going on with our personalities. Plus he has made many false promises in the past and has never followed through. He's a great guy, but all the shit we've gone through in the past has jaded me towards our relationship. I would probably resent him if I went back to him so early without seeing what could happen with Matt.

I MIGHT go back to Aaron if I knew I did not have a chance with my crush, but what if I DID have a chance? What am I gonna do? Quit my job and stop hanging out with all of my new friends? I'm not going to do that, and I've finally made my own set of friends for once. I've moved on, I don't feel anything for Aaron anymore. I probably could if I switched gears and my mindset and went back to him, but right now I'm totally crushing on Matt and I know there is something there. Plus I don't want to put myself in a situation where if I got back together with Aaron, constantly wondering what COULD have happened with Matt...

Why do I feel like such a jerk? This isn't fair...

[OneQuestion]

hard situation, but your life is your life. You need to do what you want.

If this was your first time breaking up with him, I might say give him another chance, because if you get with someone else, you might lose Arron forever.

However, you have broken up with him many times, and he keeps begging. I am confused kind of, because I always heard begging and such will push a woman away, but for you it seems to be holding you there!

He is a little cry baby who didn't treat you right, and you even gave him multiple chances, all failed.

Weither you get with Matt or not, I don't think you ever need to get back with Aaron. You seem happier without him(based on your writing) - having new friends of your own, happy with your job and social situation.

I'd say stop contact with Aaron all together. This will help him move on too! You continueing to talk to him, and being nice to him, makes him think there is still hope, and as long as he still has hope, he will never go away!

Stop communication so he can move on, and so you can move on!

Good luck!

[Dankarella]

Well he didn't start the begging until about a day or two ago. For the past week he's really been upping the "checking in" on me and making contact every night. Until then we were alright being friends and talking every once in a while. Probably for the first 2 months we were broken up throughout November and December, we would still see each other, but at the time it was comforting. It is hard giving someone up who you've been with for 6 1/2 years. And also at that time he had made it clear he wasn't going to come back to me, so I made myself move on and that was when I developed the crush on my co-worker at my new job.

But I think it is a good idea to stop all contact. I feel like such a jerk for ignoring all his texts today, but I have told him numerous times I've moved on and like someone else. It's starting to turn into harassment and is getting really annoying. We finally switched the title of his motorcycle completely over to his name last week, so now the only thing holding us together is our shared phone plan...luckily the contract ends this winter.