Is something afoot?

[Asip4u]

Are you joking? Lieing about where she is going, and about who she is going with, that is a problem. In a real relationship, lies aren't needed. She is trying to hide something. Not saying she has cheated yet, but she obvoiusly feels she is in the wrong, or else why would she be lieing?

I do agree though, the spying is a little overdone. I look at my GF's website history sometimes, and email if she leaves it open i'll take a quick look at whos' emailing her... but you have taken it to the extreme. I completely understand why, and how you feel, but as Asip4u and I have said, you need to be very careful with what you are doing, because if she does find out about the spying, it will be detrimental.

You obviously don't know much about relationships. They have been together for 5+ years, eventually people start changing and want a bit more freedom. As for lies, EVERYONE lies about something, it still doesn't mean she's cheating or wants to.

[icebox]

You basically checked out all the texts between them and even recognized parts where she was trying to write something inappropriate but she erased it. Why do you think she did that? Because she doesn't want to give this guy a wrong idea.

You might be right on that one.

The whole lying thing could be just so you don't get a wrong impression and she even mentioned how she wants some time away to do things with her girls. Just because it's a guy doesn't mean there''s something there. I think she knows that you would mind stuff like this so she's keeping it a secret.

The thing is, she also invited Michael, which isn't "one of the girls". And the male friends she's had before have been no secret. She's visited them before, but the difference between then and now is that she used to tell me about it. That is why I got suspicious.

[OneQuestion]

Hi again, OneQuestion!

Thanks for the feedback, definitely nothing wrong with your writing.
Regarding "not putting myself in a mood", that's definitely the hard part. I'm trying, though.

I have several friends that she don't know, but I'm not quite at the point where I'd like to air my thoughts to my friends yet. It's getting there, though.

If she in fact is falling out of love with me… then that's just how it is. Maybe this recent change in career (she just started in a new job six months ago) has changed her. Maybe she don't feel I'm the right one for her.
And if that is how she feels, that's OK. I'm not one to stand by and stick with a loveless relationship.

I really like what you wrote here. You seem confident and independent! That is very good, for this relationship and future ones! The hard part is this is a long relationship(5 years+). If it was like 2 months, I'd say leave the girl if she is causing you this much heartache and lieing to you, but it is a lot more tricky and emotional with a 5 year relationship. I don't really have any more advice for now, I think if I write more I will just repeate myself, but if I think of anything else to add after others post, I'll try to put in my 2 cents

[icebox]

They have been together for 5+ years, eventually people start changing and want a bit more freedom.

Then I might be an outlier here. I had some trouble early on in this relationship because I wanted to have more freedom. But seeing as we're on five years and counting, it's the other way around. I don't have the need for that many guys night out anymore (a couple a month is enough). But she was the exact opposite. Wanting to spend every waking second together.

[OneQuestion]

You obviously don't know much about relationships. They have been together for 5+ years, eventually people start changing and want a bit more freedom. As for lies, EVERYONE lies about something, it still doesn't mean she's cheating or wants to.

my fiance' lies... She goes to the mall sometimes and when she returns she has purchased nothing... oh wait, there are bags of clothes in her trunk! "I thought we were trying to save money and buy less clothes"...

Sure, everyone lies, and the little lies like the one I said above are ok. But the lies he is getting are more worrysome. I agree, nothing seems to have happened yet, but it isn't a good situation.

[icebox]

Thanks guys.
I probably won't do anything to jeopardize her movie date on Monday, I think I'll just let my thoughts rest for a little while. And maybe talk to a couple of trusted friends that know both me and her.

I'll keep you posted, but please feel free to share your thoughts, advice further!

[Asip4u]

How long has this thing with Michael been going on? Few months? Because if she does have something for him and they've been going back and forth with texts and chatting on the PC, she would have told him something already..and the fact she hasn't done it, makes me think it's just friendship and nothing more.

[icebox]

The thing is, I have no idea. I know he started working there in January, so it's definitely not before that time.

I've also noticed that she is very particular about deleting only the emails and Facebook messages from him. All the others are standing by, both from males and females.
So that's also one of the reasons why I'm suspicious.

Thoughts?

[VincenzoG91]

She is deleting those messages because she feels guilty. Emotionally, she is already cheating on you, and she knows it. I'm a confrontational kind of guy, but that doesn't always work, so I admire your restraint in this situation. I think that you are catching this situation early enough that you might be able to save your relationship, but I can almost guarantee that she would react badly if she knew about your high-tech espionage methods. So if you can get mutual friends to volunteer info instead and then confront her with that, it would be better. Or better yet, just work on your relationship with her without taking on this issue directly. Are you two still communicating well otherwise? Find out if she is unhappy about any aspect of your relationship, and then work on that with her.

[Asip4u]

The thing is, I have no idea. I know he started working there in January, so it's definitely not before that time.

I've also noticed that she is very particular about deleting only the emails and Facebook messages from him. All the others are standing by, both from males and females.
So that's also one of the reasons why I'm suspicious.

Thoughts?

Well she could be erasing them because messages aren't appropriate..which most women do when they are in relationship with someone else..Perhaps he gives her a lot of attention and she likes it? Especially if he's attractive...women like that.. doens't mean she'll just jump in bed with him...I think she would talk to you, if her feelings for you changed...You know her best though.

[OneQuestion]

I think she would talk to you, if her feelings for you changed...You know her best though.

She's doing a great job talking now(sarcasm)... and yeah, all those people who get cheated on, their BF/GF says to them first that they are going to sleep with someone else? I dont' think so...

[Asip4u]

She's doing a great job talking now(sarcasm)... and yeah, all those people who get cheated on, their BF/GF says to them first that they are going to sleep with someone else? I dont' think so...

If i am in a 5+ year relationship, the least i could do is tell my partner that things are not working well lately, that maybe we need change..something...That's the mature thing to do.

[icebox]

Perhaps he gives her a lot of attention and she likes it? Especially if he's attractive...women like that..

He definitely gives her a lot of attention, no doubt about that. I wouldn't categorize him as especially attractive, though. But he seems to be excellent with words (I've only seen them in writing, of course).

doens't mean she'll just jump in bed with him...I think she would talk to you, if her feelings for you changed...You know her best though.

I don't think she'll jump into bed with him either, but the thought of her having this much affection for another man (or a man's words) is something I'm not comfortable with, and makes me feel inadequate in some ways.

Although, when we were on a break very early in the relationship, I know she had several visits from her old boyfriend, but she's never told me about that.
Might be some indication that she's prone to keeping these sort of matters close to the heart.

[icebox]

If i am in a 5+ year relationship, the least i could do is tell my partner that things are not working well lately, that maybe we need change..something...That's the mature thing to do.

I've sort of done this, but in a more inquiring fashion. I've asked if everything's alright, said that she seems a bit distant lately. But she says everything's OK.

It feels like she's only being distant with me, and then logs onto Facebook and laughs very silently for herself or something similar.

[Asip4u]

Let me ask you this, ice. Whose idea was to share everything? The credit cards, pins, passwords and all that stuff. Are you both naturally this way, or was it one of you that decided this was a good idea?