When does it become too many??

**Im in peices.** · 12-03-10, 02:59 AM

I was thinking about this today, at what number does it start to bother people how many people there gf/ future gf/ potential gf or whatever has slept with?

I am guessing there must be a cut off for nearly everybody. When they have slept with 5, 10, 20, 50 people before at what point do you think, hold up here, this is something that I dont like and am not interested in.

Me personally I think anymore than say mid-late teens is enough...

**Gigabitch** · 12-03-10, 03:12 AM

For me, I don't really care as long as it's the past and it's over and done with. I don't even know what my husband's number is, only that it's high enough that I don't want to know.

I think very inexperienced people have more of a problem with this.

**Asip4u** · 12-03-10, 03:14 AM

Most people lie about it so i guess it doesn't matter. It's not like someone who slept with 50 people will tell you that. I guess some people may but most won't.

**MissAnn** · 12-03-10, 03:16 AM

I am also in the don't want to know camp. Unless they have a disease, I don't think it really matters.

I have found that there is a certain type of guy that gets REALLY hung up on a woman's number, and they tend to be a bit creepy. I had a guy ask me how many men I had slept with on a first date. My response of "at one time, or total?" did NOT go over well at all.

**Gigabitch** · 12-03-10, 03:21 AM

Originally Posted by MissAnn

My response of "at one time, or total?" did NOT go over well at all.

I wish I could thank you twice. That was hilarious.

**OneQuestion** · 12-03-10, 03:23 AM

For me, since I was a virgin before my current girlfriend(who I am now engaged to) - I can tell you, even 1 other is hurtful. It all depends on the number of the OTHER partner. If both partners have had 50 sex partners... well... they should both be ok with that. But for someone who has had lets say 2 or less sex partners, having a new love that has had even 7 partners can be a little bit of a turn off. My fiance has had somewhere between 3 and 5 partners(me included) - I haven't asked her specifics(I don't want to know).... I can tell you though, as I was a virgin, this still hurts me EVERY DAY. I wish we had been able to have our first times TOGETHER. I realize this isn't her fault, it is just how the world is today... so I don't blame her for that... But I can tell you, if I had found out she had like 7+ past boyfriends(she was only 18 when I met her) I would have probably left her... And of course age matters also. Someone who is 40 that has had 7 sex partners is fine with me... but someone 20 that has had that many is a huge slut...

**girl68** · 12-03-10, 04:22 AM

Miss Ann you have been proven right by "onequestions" post.

**Incognito** · 12-03-10, 04:30 AM

Unfortunately this is a big issue for you and there is nothing either of you can do about it. If this is such a problem for you, you should have found out her "number" long ago instead of waiting until you had slept with her and got engaged. If this is something you can't let go you should end it. It is a non issue, but if you can't let it go it will come up in the future. I may be totally wrong, but based on your comments I could see you calling her a slut after an argument because of her past sexual encounters. That isn't fair. What if you two DO end up breaking up, and you started dating a virgin? How would you feel if she viewed you as a slut, or damaged goods? No so hot I'll bet, yet there would be nothing you could do to change it. Don't hold it against her and stop feeling hurt. She didn't even know you back then. As long as she's not sleeping around now, and she is disease free you need to get over it (or break it off if its THAT big of a deal).

**OneQuestion** · 12-03-10, 04:39 AM

Originally Posted by Incognito

Unfortunately this is a big issue for you and there is nothing either of you can do about it. If this is such a problem for you, you should have found out her "number" long ago instead of waiting until you had slept with her and got engaged. If this is something you can't let go you should end it. It is a non issue, but if you can't let it go it will come up in the future. I may be totally wrong, but based on your comments I could see you calling her a slut after an argument because of her past sexual encounters. That isn't fair. What if you two DO end up breaking up, and you started dating a virgin? How would you feel if she viewed you as a slut, or damaged goods? No so hot I'll bet, yet there would be nothing you could do to change it. Don't hold it against her and stop feeling hurt. She didn't even know you back then. As long as she's not sleeping around now, and she is disease free you need to get over it (or break it off if its THAT big of a deal).

That is the thing. I choose to let myself be taken by someone who wasn't a virgin. I am now damaged goods. I would NEVER sleep with a virgin now. I find that toally wrong. I truely believe love/sex is like a bandaid. the first time you have real love and sex is the strongest. That guy/girl is the one you can share the most love with. If you don't last with that person. The bandaid is removed. Next time, it doesn't stick as well...

Anyways. I said I DON'T hold it against her. I realize this is how the world is today... it is sad. But I love her, she is an amazing woman, and she is faithful, that is all that matters. I am just saying it is sad we didn't get to share that moment together. It is something that does pop into my head sometimes; I guess it is just a 'guy' thing to want to deflower a woman. It is just something I will never do, but I am ok with that. Breaking up with the girl I love won't fix that... it is just something I must live with.

**Incognito** · 12-03-10, 04:48 AM

Originally Posted by OneQuestion

That is the thing. I choose to let myself be taken by someone who wasn't a virgin. I am now damaged goods. I would NEVER sleep with a virgin now. I find that toally wrong. I truely believe love/sex is like a bandaid. the first time you have real love and real sex(with love) is the strongest. That guy/girl is the one you can share the most love with. If you don't last with that person. The bandaid is removed. Next time, it doesn't stick as well...

I'm sorry, but that thinking sems a bit twisted to me. Love and sex are most fulfilling (and strong as you put it) with someone who you have taken the time to get to know and care for. The better you know, understand, and care for that person the better the love and sex between you two will be. It doesn't matter if you have to go through 20 people to find that person. Once you find someone who is right for you and you do all the things I just mentioned THAT is when love will be strongest.

**Sonrisa** · 12-03-10, 04:53 AM

i say the number should depend on the age as well. if i am sleeping with a 40 year old i'd expect the number to be over 10, if with a 20 year old then it better be under 10

**OneQuestion** · 12-03-10, 04:59 AM

Originally Posted by Incognito

I'm sorry, but that thinking sems a bit twisted to me. Love and sex are most fulfilling (and strong as you put it) with someone who you have taken the time to get to know and care for. The better you know, understand, and care for that person the better the love and sex between you two will be. It doesn't matter if you have to go through 20 people to find that person. Once you find someone who is right for you and you do all the things I just mentioned THAT is when love will be strongest.

It is just my something I heard before. I don't remember the source, but I agree with it.

**Incognito** · 12-03-10, 05:04 AM

Don't believe something just because you agree with it my friend. I hope that you can move on and let this go. Its not enough to condone it, or be cool with it. You have to change your thinking and forget that it happened, or you may resent her in the future (for example when converstaions about sexual experience come up, or "how she likes it").

**OneQuestion** · 12-03-10, 05:17 AM

Originally Posted by Incognito

Don't believe something just because you agree with it my friend. I hope that you can move on and let this go. Its not enough to condone it, or be cool with it. You have to change your thinking and forget that it happened, or you may resent her in the future (for example when converstaions about sexual experience come up, or "how she likes it").

Very hard. I don't blame her, I make sure I keep my mind away from that area. It isn't her fault she had sex before me. I mean half or more of the kids in highschool have sex... I didn't meet her till college. She did have a boyfriend at home(highschool) before she came to college, that she even said I love you to... She stoped talking to him within a week and was having sex with someone at college(cheated on her bf from back home, she never talked to him, just stopped communication). They lasted like less than a week(was my friend she was with at college). I liked the her too, but didn't try to get with her, especially right after my friend. We were friends for months before any sexual activity took place. Anyways, she is faithful to me now, and that is all that matters.

I think part of the problem is, I am self destructive... So these thoughts are kind of just always with me. I have always had a problem with thoughts not going away.

**Gigabitch** · 12-03-10, 05:31 AM

There's nothing magical about the first time. It's just the first time.

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