communication breakdown?

[cmacattack1]

Incognito can really tell it like it is.

I've always been not much of a phone talker. But I think it does really reflect how much you care about somebody. It sucks when you want them to contact you more but when you ask for it, it's kind of takes the thought out of it. Like you are just following orders.

When my ex girlfriend and I had some space (living at our homes while school was out), she would always want me to call and text her more. It made me more stubborn, but even when I did do it for her, it didn't have enough meaning into it. I could have tried more. Like Vinnie said, it has a lot to do with understanding of relationships. I didn't understand that it was necessary to keep the connection and things going there. I didn't do it because I didn't feel like it or I thought I would be boring her, I wasn't a good communicator, etc. etc. Those were all excuses though and I was being dishonest. I was losing interest for some reason I couldn't explain and when she was scared and desperate and begging me more and it was scaring me and pushing me away. Not trying to scare you but no matter what the reason, it should be kind of a concern. He has to want to do it though and not just result from you twisting his arm to.

I would be concerned about the lying of little things. Does he feel that he can't communicate or be honest with you for fear of reprisal? I know you probably hate the smoking and cigars and stuff and don't want him doing that. There has to be some compromise. And you have to have that honesty in a relationship for it to last and the little things can be indicative of that.

[whitchatah]

Does he feel that he can't communicate or be honest with you for fear of reprisal? I know you probably hate the smoking and cigars and stuff and don't want him doing that. There has to be some compromise. And you have to have that honesty in a relationship for it to last and the little things can be indicative of that.

he fears me leaving him because of it. i made it clear that i find smoking unattractive, however it's the lying that will make me leave. i see it as a crutch for him not to talk to me when he's had a crap day or somethings going on. i may have been able to live with his occasional cigarette, as long as it was never in my presence because i cannot stand the smell of it. the first time i found out i asked if he would tell me if he picked it up again. he said yes but when it happened he kept it from me. we talked through both incidences time and time again.at this point I feel he is trying to be a best friend and boyfriend at the same time. which makes me feel like he'll be opening up even more as long as i don't get pushy (he's seen this side already). still working on communication..we didn't have much of a friendship at first, we met online and one week after talking we met to casually hangout, and pretty much from then on inseparable.

[whitchatah]

The lying is also a bad indicator of the future. Someone who lies about small inconsequential things is more likely to lie with every fiber of their being if something serious comes up that they don't want you to know about. If he can't tell the truth about smoking, and was able to conceal it for months, what do you think would happen if he got drunk with his friends and had sex with some random girl? What if he got an STD? Do you honestly think he'd tell you any of that? Unlikely. You'd probably find out when YOU started showing signs of having an STD or when someone else told you about the one night stand.

i may be naive at this point but i truly feel no matter how drunk he was he would never cheat on me. he felt bad about dreaming about having sex with someone else, someone he doesn't know at all. i was inquisitive about it.. and surprised he shared it with me and i told him not to feel bad because it was only dream. i thanked him for sharing even joked around about it a few days later.. he's very loyal i know it.

[whitchatah]

just as an update.. i don't call unless necessary. he txts more and we have better conversations when we talk just once at the end of the day. we're both making compromises i'm letting go of some control and he does more to make time to talk.