Why did she confused me?

[james711]

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 1 year ago and during that time, she said she hope that we can be friends someday and she felt bad she don’t love me no more. I remained NC for a while and deleted her on facebook. Few months after we broke up, she sent me a friend request on facebook and I ignored it. A year later, I have moved on and one day as i was organizing my facebook profile, i saw her facebook friend request from a year ago and I decided to add her on facebook since its been a while , giving her a shot to be friends again. From her facebook, I found out she has a boyfriend and I was happy for her.
Few days after adding her on facebook, I found out that she suddenly delete me and block me. I found it weird that she did this cos I never wrote any messages or post anything on her wall since adding her. She always told me she wanted to be friends with me after the break up, now I give her a chance to be friends, she suddenly "just slap me in my face" by deleting me off facebook. I felt very insulted by this act. Should i ask her why?

James, the Confused!

[girl68]

Please it's been a YEAR. You rejected her, now she rejected you.

[QueenofCorona]

I agree. You held the ball in your court for a year and decided it was ok finally to be friends, which is fine. I'm not knocking you for letting time heal wounds but she was probably insulted you waited a whole year to respond and wanted to one up you or have what she feels is the last word. I'd let it pass. She chose to add you as a friend and chose to delete you, let her walk if she wants to.

[james711]

Hey Girl 68 & Queen Corona,
Thanks for the feedback..really appreciate it! I guess The reason why I didn't talk to her in the past was because she was always trying to control the situation in a very self-serving bias manner. Ok let me tell you my side of the story, maybe you guys can give me some pointers for my future reference. I’m open to any criticism, so please feel free to point out my mistakes after reading this.
About a year ago around last summer, as far as I could recall..the first time, she told me she don't love me enough and wanted to take a break from the relationship. I was hurt by her decision but i said ok cos for weeks, we were always fighting over small stuff and not getting along. And to be fair, I was at fault too cos I never listen to her and always am stubborn adding to my workaholic nature, I was also neglectful to her and might had said something hurtful to her at times.
For a about a week, we didn’t talk to each other. I was a little miserable during that time and I realized that I loved her a lot so i decided to get out of my comfort zone, change myself to be a better person and working harder to slowly win her back weeks later. She was touched by my sincerity but at the same time, she seemed a little hesitant about giving me another shot, and I had a deep feeling that she was a little flaky. Because of that, I made it crystal clear to her if she wasn't sure then maybe I'll let her go, and I’ll not give her any pressure to be with me, thus, wishing her well since I already tried my best to woo her back. The last thing I ever want was to be with someone who didn’t feel the same vibe and for a 30 year old guy, I had been there done that, learnt my past valuable lessons in life, so don’t want history to repeat itself.
Within minutes, she changed her mind and said she still had a lot of feelings for me, thus, a second chance was given. I was happy. Since we were back together, she had hope that I would be closer to her, and requested me to move in with her so we can spent more time together as we lived a few hours apart from each other. To improve things for us, I quit my unhappy job and made the choice to move in to her apt, and with my qualification, finding a job in the city wouldn't be a problem.
In the beginning, we were getting along very well. Most of the time, while she's at work, the unemployed me was at home cleaning dishes, running errands, cooking and taking care of the household, literally leading the life of a "house husband". I had never relied on her for any financial support as I have sufficient funds from my own savings to last me for a good year. As for her, she only held a meager job as a sales rep for a small start-up company. So dedicating the task of a sole breadwinner to her at that time, would be almost near to impossible and of course, at some point, I know I still have to get a job to supplement our overall living.
Even though i was jobless at that time, I still bought her grocery weekly and at least brought her out couple of times a week to nice restaurants to dine on my expense. Sometimes, we hang out with friends and with most of my friends still working gave me some added pressure. The feeling of not having a job and lying at home doing nothing everyday made me felt a little useless and frustrated. With the poor economy last year, suddenly finding a decent job in any cities seemed like an uphill task but I never gave up, still religiously googling for new opportunities each day. During that time at her apt, and despite my frustration with the economic downturn, I was always good to her and whatever she wants to do, I'll listen and give in to her requests.
Then all the sudden and out of the blue, she became very mean to me and sometimes, she would pick up fight with me for no apparent reasons. I tried to talk it over nicely with her but each time, my nice approach to solve problem only push her away or she would get even more piss at me. When she's calm, she just shrugged it aside like nothing had happened and didn't want to talk about it. Since, I had been home most "working days" Monday to Friday, I tried to appease the situation by proposing to go out over the weekend like catch a movie or picnic by the lake kinda stuff. Each time, I said "Honey, let's get out the house and do something over weekend." She either got piss with me for saying that or she merely just dismissed my romantic weekend getaway as too much hassle. All she wanted to do over the weekend was to be coach potatoes to the drama serials over cable tube. Slowly, I gave up the idea of persuading her to go out. This "cold war" accumulated for weeks and with us living together at that time really didn't help but worsen the situation.
One day, I was sending her to work, she accidentally left her cell phone in the car. So i put her cell in my pocket, went to the nearby Wal-mart to get our daily necessities. Around mid-noon, her cell kept vibrating so i went to check it, thinking she might be texting/calling about her misplaced phone. Suddenly, i saw a couple of texts from a Joe guy, sending her lovely text about missing her a lot lately. I did a quick check on her text history with Joe, then realized that they been messaging each other for months. Later, I found out that Joe was an ex from her college days and he had been hitting on my girlfriend the past months with romantic messages and my girlfriend actually responded to him. Not only did she responded his sweet messages, she actually air her grievances to him about feeling pressured living with me, complaining that I don’t have a job can’t give her the security blanket in life and that her love for me had slowly gone downhill as weeks gone by. When I read it, my mind went blank..thinking WTF!! I was angry and hurt by the way she painted the situation. I had no problem with her exercising her freedom of speech but to an EX who is married. What’s worst…Joe had really hurt her feelings in the past & dumped her years ago after a mere 4 months of relationship and married someone else within a year. Where do one draw a line on this? I not only felt betrayed by her text conversation with Joe and also her exaggerations on our situation. It really felt like someone stabbed me in the back. Is this considered cheating? Since Joe didn’t live in the same city and she hasn’t seen Joe in 3 years and apparently, he only started texting my ex the last few months, hoping to score with someone who apparently still haven’t forget how Joe-boy hurt her so bad in the past that she almost attempted suicide.
As I was reading more and more in their text conversation, I decided to stop. For some reasons, I realized my purpose in coming here was a huge mistake and that she merely using me as a backup plan. It sucks to be used like this. I wanted to confront her about this but for some reasons, I didn’t. Everyday, I begun to hit the gym pretty hard, work out to vent my frustrations, trying to keep my mind sane and also, hitting the job market with the same zeal. From that point on, we started to communicate lesser and lesser. Each night, when I sleep on the same bed with her, I looked at her, wondering who is this woman who is sharing my bed with? I found it weird that we were sleeping together on the same bed so I took initiative to sleep in the living room futon. At first, she was surprised, after a while, it didn’t seem to bother her.Things did not get better from there and we were practically living like roommates.
A good female friend from my high school flew into the town the following weekend, wanted to meet up. It was always good to see an old friend especially from high school. We talked a lot over dinner and exchanging the latest updates in our live. She was happily married with a kid. She left the corporate world for apron and was enjoying her new role as a housewife. After a few beers, I begun to confide in her about my situation and I was glad that someone was able to give me a sympathetic ear in times like this. She advised me that this is a really unhealthy relationship and that it would be in my best interest to leave. What she said, hit the homerun, and made so much sense to me.
When I got home that evening, I wanted to say it to her. Suprisingly, she was very nice and loving to me that evening. I put it off. About a week later, out of the blue, she told me she decided that she wants to take a break from our relationship cos she didn’t feel the same way for me and that it wasn’t about my jobless status, mostly her feelings for me has slowly gone away. I was sad except that this time, I’m more emotionally prepared. I was also amazed at how she tell me one thing but tell other people another thing. I told her since she wants to break up, then I should start looking for apt and move out soon cos I don’t see the point in staying around if we were not together. She told me I could still stayed on until I get a job and I didn’t said anything to agree with her. That same week, her younger brother needs help moving to a new place for his college. Since I had prior promised to help him out, I went ahead to give her brother a helping hand. Her brother was very grateful to me but my soon-to-be ex girlfriend didn’t think so. Instead she thinks I was supposed to help her since I’m sharing the same roof with her.
When we got home later that evening, she suddenly became very upset with me over my indifferent attitude towards her. I was annoyed and I had enough of her mixed signals. As angry as I was, I tried to keep calm and walk away back to my futon, trying my best to avoid confrontation and ignoring it by sleeping it off. At that point, her emotional roller coastal had already hit the point of no return for me.
After spending the night reflecting on the futon, I reached the point of enough is enough and I wasn’t happy living here at her apt, much less willing to put up with her unreasonable flaky behavior. I felt that I was like a prisoner living in an emotional gulag and wasn’t sure what else it is going to hit me next. Also, at the point, I already lost my trust in her.
The very next morning, I started to packed my bags and bought a last minute online air-ticket back to my hometown. I told her calmly that I had decided to leave that day. She was surprised by my decision, gave me a quick sneer. As I was packing & folding my last load of clean laundry to my bag, she suddenly walk into the bedroom, demanding to know why I need to leave so adruptly. I looked at her and asked her whats the point of staying? Then proceed to pack the rest of my stuff. Since I did not have my car with me, I kindly asked her if she can give a ride to the airport for my evening flight. The moment I asked her that, she started grumbling irrelevant stuffs like “Oh you always like to make decision without telling me and blah blah…” and refused to give me a ride, took away her car keys and went into her room. There was a long awkward silence. I was frustrated by her behavior but I managed to call one of my friends to give me a ride to the airport. Hours later, my friend came to take me. Before I leave her apt, she suddenly came out the room and gave me an ultimatum. “If you leave now, everything is over between us!” I looked at her and said it’s for the best and asked her to take good care of herself. I then walked out of the apt without looking back. From some reasons, the moment I left, I felt relieved and I also felt very sad. It was like part of me is gone for good and I had to force myself to acknowlwdge it. Coming back to my home city, I felt lost for the first day. My ex kept calling me the next couple of days and left me dozens of voicemails, emails accusing me of running away from her and that I couldn’t handle the break up. She also went around telling some of our friends that she still had feelings for me and that all she ever want was a happy ending to our relationship and how I run away without giving her one..trying to get sympathy votes from friends and painted me like a un-gentleman villain. I was thinking what a manipulative drama queen! I been hurt by her emotional cheating ways, now I have to deal with her self-justifications. I decided to cut off all contacts with her. Luckily for me, my folks and my friends were very supportive. They hang out with me watching football game and drinking at the bar. I was able to slowly recovered faster than expected. Weeks later, she called and apologized and text me saying hope we can be friends someday. I replied her I needed time and when the time is right, I’ll let her know and for this, we compromised. Months later, she sent her facebook request to me and it took me about almost a year later to re-add her as friend. Now, she block me for no reasons, it was as good as telling me that history is repeating itself again. Looking back, I was glad we broke up.

p/s: sorry if i wrote too long...kinda got carried away when i think back. Thanks for letting me vent guys.

[girl68]

Yeah that's way to long sorry I'm not reading that.

[oneandonly]

I hope you feel better now!

I enjoyed reading it with mixed feelings. Sipping a glass of wine and reading your post, I really fought hard to not email my ex. It's been nearly a month since we broke up, not talking.

Don't worry about her blocking you. Forget her and move on. Good to hear that you were glad you broke up. Deep down, I know that's exactly how I am going to feel in a few months but it is just hard at the moment.

[james711]

Hi Girl 68,
LOL...damm i wrote too much today. I guess you first post already woke me up. Point taken. Thanks!

Hi Oneandonly,
Thanks for reading my long-winded vent and sharing your opinion..i hope my experience in not talking to ex helps you. Sometimes, I guess certain things are better left unsaid. Once you are able to move on from this, you realized life is so much better. Relationship is supposed to be healthy and happy if you are not getting it then, it is for the best. Hang in there soldier! Look forward!