need impartial advice...

[Saffron]

....its probably not even strictly a 'love' dilemma but hey ho.

About 4 years ago i met a guy, we hit it off - we went out, things led where they usually lead and it looked set to be going well.

One problem that we didn't realise at the time - there was a 14 year age gap putting him in his early 30s and me in my very early 20s.

Upon realising this, he got massively freaked out and decided we probably shouldn't see each other anymore, which was bad enough but we just didn't seem able to stay away from each other. over the next few years we saw each other on and off and he would spill his heart to me and we would put the worlds to rights and make each other laugh and generally just 'fit' together for a while, he told me that 'there was noone in the world who he could speak to like me' and all sorts of other stuff which im sure he meant but then the age gap would freak him out and he would run screaming away again. There were lots of reasons for this (he had quite a dramatic life in his teens and 20s which led to sever depression and a tendency to isolate himself) Eventually i got sick of the way things were (lovers/friends/lovers/friends) and i cut him dead. never to speak to him again, but in the 2 years since, he's never been far from my thoughts. he did during this time - treat me pretty badly, which makes me reluctant to have to be the one to try and smooth this over.


I miss him. I want to be able to talk to him. BUT I dont know if i'm over him enough to try to be friends or even if he'd want to be my friend - he's never given any indication of it, ( but then i made myself pretty clear the last fight we had that i 'hated him and blah blah blah'. )

What should i do? Should i try and send an email or FB request and hope he accepts? If he does (knowing im not over him) - what if i dont like what i find? What if hes seeing someone else? am i opening a can of worms here that should just stay shut? Or am i opening the potential to try again OR for once to get some closure and maybe move on?

My friends are sick of me asking. I have noone to help me decide...

[davidtorres]

well ask yourself what do you really want?
ask yourself what makes you think it will work now if it didnt work before? what change? did you change? did he change?
the only thing you can do is make a move or regret that you didnt talk to him.
if you really want him then stop over analyzing and just try to communicate.

[Gigabitch]

You can't be friends with this guy. The chemistry is too strong. Either try to get back together with him or leave it alone.

[xxazurexx]

If you don't contact him, you will go through life never knowing what would have happened if you had.
If you decide to contact him however, do it with no expectations that your contact will lead to more. Be prepared for the fact that this guy may have long moved on.....may even be married now with a child or that he may just not want to pick up, where you left off....2 years is a long time.

[vashti]

One problem that we didn't realise at the time - there was a 14 year age gap putting him in his early 30s and me in my very early 20s.

That math doesn't work out. ^

Anyway, he has a problem with the age gap. I don't blame him. You still have a lot of growing up to do. Stay away from him.