For the insecure men and women out there

[valhensing]

Hi, im just back from a break on LF (strictly due to work and other matters) and i've notice that most post nowadays are posted by people who are insecure or have really low self-esteem (no judging, just point out the fact). So here are things that i want to tell those people:

1. Im also a insecure person (im not smart enough, pretty enough, people are always better than me) but believe me, when you are in a relationship with the right person, all those problem will disappear. If you believe you're in a relationship with the right person, get over yourself!

2. It's commitment if you give your partner a second chance but it's just low self esteem that you allow people to cheat on you several times. Are you crap? Are you deserve to be treated like crap?

3. Believe in yourself, dont desperate for love, if you're 19 and no lover, IT'S OK. If you're 21 and no lover, IT'S OK. If you're 27 and no lover, IT'S STILL OK. Be yourself and love will craw its way to you.

Im not writing this to tell you people are stupid or low sefl esteem. I'm writing this to assure you guys that everything's going to be ok. Even if you're worry or scared of it, rather than being depressed, keep going and being your excellent self. People will notice. You cant find love, it'll find you. Just make sure you're ready

And here are the points for the low sefl esteem to do in the meantime (while waiting for love):

1. Dont be depressed.
2. Dont be scared.
3. Learn to be a better person: dont judge people (he's not my type etc), focus on your friends or carrer or anything that makes you happy.
4. Think about other people feelings.
5. Be observant.
6. Believe in what i said: believe in yourself. (or only tell those who are really close to you - 1 to 2 people - about your insecurities and act confident in front of the rest. People cant really tell if you're confident or just acting so either way is OK)

The fact that you're so desperate to be in a relationship just show how that you arent ready for it

[Graham Berkeley]

valhensing, thank you.

While its easier said than done that is basically the rules to live by.

[sudeep13582]

yeahhh... right...

whatever happen is the part of life... life should be going on...
never lose yourself

[girl68]

I really don't think it's cool to tell me that when someone gets into a relationship they should be secure *just like that*. Such is not the case.

[valhensing]

of course after you're in a relationship, things arent just magically work out and you live happily ever after. It also needs a lot of works but that's the more reason you have to be secure with yourself so that you'll keep telling yourself you can do it and still treasure yourself.

My point wasnt just to be waiting for things to happen. There are lots of things you have to do as in my post too

[1337lizard]

you know, this was a nice read. If anyone here feels like they have low self esteem or confidence, let me tell you I had that problem awhile back. Something that has helped enormously for me was meditation. If anyone wants to talk about that, send me a message, I'd be happy to help you get started.

Something that I'd like to add to your list Val, is to always be as optimistic as possible. It's ok to be down in the dumps for a day or two but pick yourself back up and focus on the wonderful things in life that make you happy. It gives you a remarkably good feeling in the pit of your stomach and for those of us still seeking soul mates, everyone knows that people are more attracted to optimists

[Tedel]

Well said, amiga.

[irrelevant_89]

Easier said than done is the key here. I appreciate these words, but I mean... "don't be depressed"? Ok, so every depressed person in the world just has to say to him/herself "don't be depressed" and they'll be cured? Instantly? then all those psychiatrists will go unemployed, lol.

And yeah, if you're 19 it's ok, 21 is ok, but 27 is kinda pushing it (if you mean never having had even a hint of a possible relationship or hookup). Sorry about the cynicism.

[BarmyArmy]

Mate most people on here would suggest that this is more aimed to me and i agree now.
Cheers for that given me a confidence booster

[valhensing]

27 is ok. My cousin, 39 female with 2 kids divorce her husband to be with her 29 years old lover... life works for them so life will work for you

[valhensing]

seems like my thread helps some people

[everton11]

Well said, its only just that I don't think I'm worthy of being loved and accepted.

[valhensing]

Well said, its only just that I don't think I'm worthy of being loved and accepted.

i dont know who you are, what you did but you are worthy of being loved and accepted

[MissAnn]

I agree, but I think some people have insecurity/depression that requires some kind of outside help: medication, therapy, a life coach, spirituality, etc.

That said, I hear from a lot of people how they don't want to date someone that is insecure. I disagree. When I was young I was VERY insecure and it can still raise its ugly head. I actually like to date someone who has experienced insecurity because they can be more understanding and sympathetic about this issue.

However, I wouldn't date someone who played games or"punished" me because of their problems, or expected me to fix them. But, I find men who are confident enough to honestly discuss their feelings of insecurity when needed to be very attractive.

[valhensing]

i think insecure ppl need ppl to ensure them that everything is going to be ok and that's what im doind i said it not just because i want to say it but i KNOW it