I feel like such a fool and need advice

[Hemronekae]

You know when you meet a girl that just seems like the one for you?
Well that’s what I thought with the girl who broke up with me for the last time yesterday (yeah you could say she took me for a ride) The words ‘I don’t love you’ are still grinding down at me pretty bad.

I think I’ve had one of the worlds worst relationships. I broke up with her around may last year and it sucked pretty hard and I ended up cutting out contact with her till just before she went to uni at her going away party to say good bye.

She came back around Christmas and we still had a thing which turned into a fling before she left. She said things will be different when she came back for easter and tbh they were. Her minds changed and moved on, shes made many friends at uni and left her old life along with me in the past. Annoyingly she neglected to tell me this before leading me (flirting etc) on up to me making a move on her again and telling me the above. She said the same thing she did last time after she called it quits before she went uni ‘I cherish our friendship and hope we can remain friends’

I do love this girl and probably always will even if she led me down a long spiralling hill

After she ended it I asked her to at least come sit with me on the sofa so she came over and rested her head on my chest and all I was thinking was ‘this is probably gonna be the last girl in my arms for a while’ (It’s pretty depressing I know, I’m in tears writing this). This was my last image before I was asked to leave by her sister.

The time I had with her was very on and off but I was glad to have someone in my life that actually loved me. I’m not a very social guy in fact I’m really introverted. I’m also a strong believer of good conduct and value morals so it won’t be surprising to know I was saving myself for the ‘right one’ instead I’ve picked the wrong one and ended up waiting becoming a 20yr virgin with no other girls in sight.

It just doesn’t seem fair that practically everything in my life is going wrong (I won’t turn this issue into a book but I definitely wouldn’t call myself successful I’m probably one stage away from becoming a bum) when I know I don’t deserve it I’m a really nice guy and hot too who should be 'swimming in women' etc but for me it’s just the direct opposite as I’ve never really been around women and this girl was my first proper girlfriend so I’m very shy around women in general especially when meeting new ones

I guess I’ve delt myself a really bad hand of cards but I know ending it all will never be an option for me so I just have to face the music and dance. I feel like an angel living in hell right now...

This is where I come stuck I don’t know how to go about it. I’m still in massive pain from my gf breaking up with me for the very last time (I hopefully won’t get stupid enough to go for her again). But I’ve learned I really need to define what I want from a relationship in the future and that I need to know about someone’s feelings instead of having to wait months on end to get rejected in person.

I guess what I’m asking is do you think I should remain friends with this girl? Or should I not bother seeing her again as she’s causing me a lot of pain and I won’t be able to stand seeing her with someone else. I considered choosing the latter to message her with and my contact for good. How can I ease this pain i'm in? I'd ask about my personal life as well but i can't even get my head round it right now, (maybe i'll post it some other time)

I’ve now got 2 weeks holiday from my adult courses (yep I’m still catching up on my gcse’s) to dwell in misery.

Thank you all for reading all of this if you actually managed to get through it, I really appreciate it.
Just writing this has already taken away some of the sting from the pain.

[Gigabitch]

There's more than one of "the one". You'll find another girl who gives you that special feeling. The sooner you break ties with this one, the sooner you'll be able to find a better girlfriend.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, don't put yourself through any more heartache by staying friends with her. It's going to hurt to let her go but you will get better every day as long as you put yourself in action and keep yourself busy and not dwell on it "in your misery". Keep in mind that you played your part by continuing to chase after and entertain this girl time and time again only to get beat back down and left in mess. If you are a good person, a nice person, you need to have some more self value and the common sense engrained in you by now to know that you cannot be with her. You can love her all you want, but you cannot be with her. Do yourself a favor and just let her fade out of your life and if she tries to get back in, please let her know that it isn't helping you at all and you need to be on your own. You will know how you feel when you see her and it will most likely feel like getting stabbed with a knife.

So you dealt yourself a shitty hand. You have to make the most of it and not sit on it and piss and sulk and moan. It will get you absolutely nowhere, especially with another girl which is what you ultimately want, right? She (your ex or a new girl) will not want to spend very much time with a pathetic human being. It should be all the motivation you need to finish your education, get a job and get some independence. To get some confidence. I'm shy too but when you feel better about yourself, people will notice and are attracted to that.

I don't think doing your classes is enough either. I think you should also consider getting into a sports club or working out more and it will help with your physical appearance and to get that feel good feeling we get from doing stuff. Another way to feel better. It will also put you in a new environment to meet people and at least practice on coming out of your shell at bit. And it's going to take effort, you have to want to try.