Second time in two weeks...

[g4cytheclown]

I'll get straight to the point:

So, about 2.5 weeks ago, I noticed my girlfriend of 1.5 years (my first) was seeming distant. But, whatever, I just brushed it off like I did the million other times. So, the next day she tells me she wants to break it off for a while to see how we really felt about eachother. She had done this countless times before, but this time it hit me deep. I knew something was wrong. I had this gut feeling she liked some guy, and begged her not to take the break knowing she would go after him. This was to no success and she wound up having sex with the dude 2 days later. As soon as she told me (which I respect her honesty for), I felt like my world had collapsed. I was hurt and still am hurt. A week went by and I was starting to move on. Soon, though, we talked again about what had happened and where we stood. She gave me the impression that she loved me and that it was a mistake. A week had gone by of us talking and patching things up. I thought with a little time things would be back to normal again, but I was wrong. We made plans two days ago for us to hangout tonight, and she came here. She seemed cold and distant again, almost like she was repulsed by me. When I tried talking to her about how she felt, she kept looking away and changing the focus to other things. I had this feeling of deja vu; fearing that she was going to break my heart again. She called her dad to pick her up and she said she was going to the guy-who-she-had-slept-with's house because she really liked him. Now, I'm alone in my room and I don't know what to do. I hate this pain and wish I had never met her. Anyone have any advice?



Sorry if this story is long or hard to read. I'm very upset right now and my thoughts may not be very coherent.

*EDIT*

Okay, so now she just called me and said she wanted to come back.

I KNOW that the guy probably turned her down and now she is coming back to her 'comfort zone'

Arg, I hate this feeling. I KNOW I should tell her to **** off and that I'm not her rebound, but it's my comfort zone, too.

[Illusional]

well i'll be honest. she "did" love you, but somewhere along the lines, the love that you thought existed between the two of you faded. advice... get over her and move on. how should you go about doing that?? keep yourself busy and engulf your life with your friends. it's always easy to forget about someone, when there is also a new interest. and being that i'm an alcoholic, i always turn to drinking.... but you might prefer a different vice.

raverboy

[lahnnabell]

She's only going to continue to do this whenever she feels bored because she's gotten away with it before. You guys sound very young and a lot of young people feel the need to do these brief trial break-ups in an effort to get all the kinks out of their system. She seems to like the convenience of having your warm body waiting for her while she goes off every so often and experiments.

[g4cytheclown]

I completely understand, but it's so hard to leave someone flat after 1.5 years of seeing them everyday. My circumstances are kinda bad right now as far as moral support, so I'm afraid of things getting really bad with myself as far as depression and what not.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Holding on to her is like a comfortable dream that will eventually end, but leaving her is going to be hell...

[Wonder87]

trust me...you have to leave her.

[Cbrider]

I saw "tell her to **** off" somewhere in your post.

I like that approach the best, its straight forward, fair and honest.

[g4cytheclown]

You guys are right. If I can't learn to stand on my own, I'm doomed forever. I don't want to be a pawn in someone else's ****ed up game. If she is not strong enough to leave me, then I have to be strong enough to leave her.

[lahnnabell]

That's a good way to look at it. Having her in your life isn't supposed to be a crutch for you, it should be fulfilling. If you are dealing with depression and other issues, the only person who can really fix it is YOU. Once you work on your own confidence you'll be able to form a more stable relationship with someone new who won't dick you around.

[cmacattack1]

I know you are hurt, and anger makes it so much easier by blaming them, but try to be the bigger person and politely tell her to leave you alone right now. Let your ego rile you up a bit on the fact that she's goin over to this guy's house and having some new exciting sex while coming back to you and subjecting you to her feelings of resentment. That's ****ed up and isn't a sign of love (although I don't think she intends to do this like that). If she keeps trying to contact you, keep reminding her that you want to be on your own and that she should respect that. Considering she has options and is certainly taking advantage of them, shutting down one avenue will certainly add to her desperation factor. But that's not the point. The point is you need to be on your own to get yourself back to normal. Which won't be easy, considering your attachment to her and the fact that she's going to continue to pop up in your life because she can sense the weakness on your part. You have to do this for you and as you have noticed, the more times you have seen her, the worst it's gotten. Do yourself both a favor.

[LailaK]

Your comfort zone is to let her disrespect you and s**t on you? Wow, dude.

You need to kick that girl to the curb. Don't tell her why, don't talk to her, don't give her a chance to explain, just cut all contact.

That girl is toxic and she's just going to continue stringing you along all the while she's looking for something else. Do what's right for you and cut her out of your life.

[mockingbird]

... i d been in your same situation, I came back with my ex, and she dumped me for the third time last week, but this time I didnt feel as bad as the first time or the second one, somehow i realized that is not about love anymore, sadly is about control...

Everytime we break up I go out with other girls and pretty much carry on with my life, and this seems to make her react all the times, not because she loves me, but because she wants to know i love her and she can have me anytime, anyway i never beg or tell her to come back with me, she just comes back whenever i'm managing to move on and the memories of what used to be a great love make me do something i rationally know is wrong, I know she is not the one for me and i know that our relationship is doomed but somehow you just ignore was is evident, she doesn't love you...

She texted me twice this week just pushing my buttons trying to make me tell her to come back... but its enough, finally i feel that I'm free, I'm going to carry on, its time to realize that you were an independent and happy person before she came into your life, and no one that threats you as an instrument to fulfill their own emotional needs without considering yours isn't worthy of your respect or devotion.

Please take my advice, move on before more harm is done, try to be happy with yourself and find a nice girl worthy of you...

Sorry for my english.... ; )

[g4cytheclown]

Thanks a lot, guys/gals.

It's pretty ridiculous to let someone like that have such control over my life. Throughout the relationship, she has disregarded my feelings and shown extreme immaturity. I've let her slide sooo many times (I've made a lot of mistakes as well, however I keep an open mind and try to learn from them) and enough is enough. I'm young, and I need to get my life on track and develop a plan for the future without letting people like her try and destroy it.

[cmacattack1]

Enabling it to happen this long also helps the build the resentment too. Don't forget to take responsibility for the fact that YOU let it happen for this long. If you play that victim role, you will continue to be a victim in the future. I hope you learned something from this and not to let emotion blind your judgement and your rationality.

[Martin84]

Call her over to your house, let her knock on your door, then open it and slam it on her face. That is exactly the way she has been treating you and that is how you should treat her. Just do it man. You say she is in a comfort zone but it sounds to me like you are in a comfort zone when she comes back. You need to realize that there are several other women who are capable of giving you true love at all times and not part time. Call her home and slam the door on her face. It will help you get over her.