Recieving mixed signals...

[TremblingBluSta]

I was hoping to get some advice on how I should approach this situation I'm in (not related to the situation in my other thread).

I've been good friends with this girl for the past 4 years or so. She's 23, and we've been talking online and over the phone since she was 19. We discussed the possibility of us getting together, but realized that the distance (about 600 miles) made that unlikely. One day she even told me that she was "the one" for me, and I only needed to move. About a year ago, she moved from Cincinnati to Denver, CO. We lost contact after she moved, mostly because she was living with her boyfriend at the time.

I've had feelings for her for about the past 3 years. About six months ago, she IMed me, and we started talking online and over the phone again. She told me that she was moving back to Cincinnati, and planned on stopping in Iowa to meet me. Needless to say, I was thrilled.

We finally met about a month ago. It's strange, meeting someone you've been friends with for so long. I approached her outside my apartment, and she jumped up and gave me a huge hug. We hugged for what felt like several minutes. I took her inside and showed her around my apartment, the whole time she had her arm around me, or was holding my hand.

She was driving to Cinn with a friend from another city in Iowa. The plan was for me to go there and hang out with them, and at her insistance spend the night. The next morning, they where heading to OH.

Things were great on the way to her friend's house. We spent nearly a three hour car drive together, holding hands, cuddling, and talking about everything. It's simply beyond description how happy I was at that moment just to be with her. It was perfect.

When we arrived at her friend's house, we made plans to go to a few clubs around town. There was her and I, along with a group of about five of her guy friends, and one other woman. It was strange, and hard to describe her behavior as soon as we were around her friends. She was no longer holding my hand, or puting her arm around me. I figured she wasn't comfortable showing affection in front of others, not a big deal.

When we got to the club, it was strange. Her and I had a few drinks at one place, and headed off for karaoke. When we got to the karaoke bar, she sat at a table with her friends while I sat at another with a couple that came with us. She was off talking to her friends, and I sat there. I can't explain how strange that felt. I'm not an incredibly open and social person, so it was hard sitting in this club, her being the only other person I knew, and feel comfortable.

I remember the girl that came with us asked who invited me out. I said that she did. The girl responded "then why is she ignoring you". I didn't really reply to her question. I simply didn't know why.

By the time we left the second place, she was good and sloshed. I was feeling a bit buzzed myself. I gave her a piggy back ride to our next destination, which was a dance club. Again, she went off with her friends while I sat with the couple, who I had been getting to know pretty well by that point. I danced a few times with the woman, but not the friend I came to spend time with.

After a while, I started getting really sick from the alcohol. I told my friend that I was going to wait outside because I didn't want to get separated. She told me not to worry, that she wouldn't leave me, and took me upstairs to lay down on a couch. I don't remember much from that point, but I do recall that eventually I was told we were leaving.

We all piled in the van and went to some guy's apartment. He was blasting music, which was making me sicker, so I went and sat outside. About an hour later, my friend came bursting out of the apartment upset because one of the guys had been starting stuff with her (I'll keep it rated G). We talked for a few minutes, and she started ranting about several of my exes, whom she knows all by name, saying that all the women I date are psycho. I told her she was psycho too, so we'd be a perfect couple.

So, here we are driving back home. I was in the back of the van, and she was sitting in front of me. I don't know why she did this, but she reached around and grabbed my hand tightly, and just gave me this look of adoration that just melted me.

We got back to her friend's, and I was planning on heading back to my apartment that night. After feeling ignored, I didn't see any reason to stay. The guy I had spent most of the night talking to said he understood my not wanting to stay.

I went downstairs, where everybody was laying either on a couch or the floor. I sat on the couch next to her and was going to tell her I had to leave, but she grabbed me, and pulled me down to cuddle with her. We were all going to watch a movie on this guy's big screen television. Against my wishes, everybody wanted to watch Dirty Dancing (I hate that movie! It's a guy thing). About five minutes into the film, I was the only one who hadn't passed out.

I didn't sleep much that night. I spent most of it laying and thinking, watching her sleep. I remember we laid down around 4am. At 6, I got up to use the rest room. My hip was sore from the lumpy couch, so I was sitting at the foot of it trying to get to sleep when she woke up, and drug me back down.

There's not much else to that night. I eventually slept a few hours. We got up and I helped her pack up her things. I gave her a long hug, kissed her on the lips, and she left.

I was a very happy person on the way back to my place. Unfortunately, I missed a turn and ended up going through Dubuque! I took a long nap when I got home.

For some reason, I fell into a deep depression after that, that lasted for a week. I couldn't explain what I was feeling. I missed her, and wanted to be with her. The few hours we spent together wasn't enough for me. I would have driven to Cincinnati if she asked me.

I didn't talk to her much over the next several days, despite the fact that she said she'd call me as soon as she reached OH (sigh). About a week later, I caught her online and told her everything. I won't get into the details of the conversation right now, but essentially she was impressed. She said she feels the same, but doesn't want to do a long distance relationship. Either way, it just felt good letting her know how I felt.

I just can't explain, once again, why I'm still upset over her. I feel like we'd be perfect together, but the distance is preventing me from finding out for sure. There are also little things that make me worry, like the fact that she never IM's me. And when we do talk, sometime she's very distant. And yet, when I asked her flat out how she felt about me, she said she adores me. When I asked her if she'd be uspet if we stopped being friends, she said she would be.

I'm just not sure what to do next, or even if I should do anything. I had been thinking of driving to Cincinnati during my vacation, or maybe over the weekend. I just haven't made plans yet, or even talked to her about it. I suppose one of the problems is, she's not online regularly. Sometimes she'll be on every day for a week. Sometimes, I won't hear from her for several days - and she never calls me. I just feel like she's not behaving like she would if she genuinly "adored" me.

Assuming you made it through that entire post, I'd appreciate any thoughts on this.

[Amyejean]

Wow....

You need to back off andlet her chase you. That's what my mother always told me. That no person is worth your time and effort if it's a chore to figure out how they feel. Yea you may like her, but always Iming her, and letting her play games withyour head is not healthy. I'd tell her howyou felt, and see how she reacts, and than just back off.

If you love them let them go, if they don't come back it's not worth your time, and if they do they'll be yours forever.

I walked away from my boyfriend when he stated doing the crap this girl did, and it woke him up really quickly that I was the best thing in his life, and now look at me, I'm happy, moved in together, he stopped drinking and we talk instead of argue.

Your the only one who can make yourself happy.

Hope this makes sense...it's 7 am, and i'm stuck at work...the coffee has not kicked in yet.

[TremblingBluSta]

Thanks for the reply!

That actually makes perfect sense, and is what most of my friends and family have been telling me, and what I've pretty much deicided must be done.

The only issue I have is something she told me a few months ago about liking guys who take charge, and go after what they want. That makes me think she's trying to see how far I'll go to be with her. If that's the case, I wish she'd tell me.

As far as my having to IM her, I really should ask her about that. The problem is, I've been assuming she doesn't initiate conversations because she either doesn't want to talk to me, or likes to be persued. It might simply be that she doesn't have the sound turned on on her laptop, or she's not actually sitting at her laptop while signed on. It's really something I should have clarified with her a long time ago, but I didn't want to sound like I'm whining about something silly.

I could use some coffee myself!

[Amyejean]

Well I am a good listener, if you wanna chat with me off this board.

[email]Burrington.amy@fmr.com[/email]

or AOL SN

Amyejean911

or

Udderlycowfreak

I canceled my AOL so my old name Amyejean911 is onlyused until october 2nd, than the toehr takes over

Amye

[TremblingBluSta]

Sure, I'd like to chat sometime.

My AOL sn is TrmblingBluStar.

I should cancel AOL, since they've been a real pain in the rear lately.

Take care!