in love but the spark is gone? plz help im so heartbroken

[lost_soul1]

i have been going out with the most amazing man on the planet for about a year and a half-ish. im not sure if every couple does this, but we would have our arguments over the same thing (if he doesnt call me i guess i go crazy and end up calling him like 50 times in less than an hour... but i got better at it and only do it when we fight if he hangs up on me) and then wed break up, and like, a day later after both of us were babies and cried our eyes out we got back together. last summer, we broke up and didnt get back together until my birthday, october 19th. so we were broken up for a few months. we still acted like boyfriend and girlfriend. we still had sex, we still said i love you, we still hung out like every day and held hands together. i guess it was kind of like a break up but kinda not because we did not see other people. and i know some people sound stupid when they say that cuz ur like "oh well hes lying if he said he didnt sleep with anyone else" but i know for certain... like im 400 percent sure nothing went on with him and another girl... because hes not one of those kinda guys just searching to get laid. which is one of the reasons why i love him. but anyways. so we got back together, and we just broke up again... but not because i call so much. but because he was feeling like the spark was gone. and i have been feeling that he felt that way lately... because everytime we hang out alone, hes just dead silent. but when were with his friends, hes talkative... and i could sense he was feeling it but i was scared to bring it up. so, we broke up. and i dont know whats been going on. like, i want to talk to him all the time, but when i get on the phone with him, i feel like i cant even talk... almost like weve grown apart? ive felt like this for like a couple weeks now... but i still love him. and we still say i love you to each other, and we keep talking to each other and keep saying "well get through this i know we will, i want to grow old with you. i want to have kids with u and marry u." i dont know what im feeling, and i dont know what to do. all i know is i love him so much, and i want to marry him. but i feel like we dont talk anymore. please help me.

[xxazurexx]

Hope I don't offend, but I think your behaviour, which comes as across as extremely desperate, needy and clingy is pushing him away. This constant calling him all of the time (like 50 times an hour), must be leaving him feeling really smothered by you.....

Your behaviour now, will be a far cry from your behaviour when you first met this guy? Back then and when you first met him, you would have been carefree, fun and great to be around. And the way you were back then, is why he became attracted to you, fell in love with you and decided to make you his gf.

Gone is that carefree and fun girl he fell in love with and she was replaced by a desperate, needy, insecure woman, who calls constantly and non stop, all tears and way too much DRAMA........his spark for her is now gone.

Can you see where I'm coming from with this??

[lost_soul1]

i know thats what pushed him away...
but how do i get us to work out?
i havent called him 50 times in like a year now
and the only reason why we broke up was because we both agreed were in different places right now
but we really want a future together

but the whole spark thing
i dont know how to get it back..
do u have any advice?

[xxazurexx]

To be honest hon, if the spark is gone, he is saying you are in different places now, he hardly calls you and seems to want space, it doesn't look good. I don't think you will be having any future together and regardless of what he's said, if things keep going the way they are.

He is likely just saying all that, because you seem to be in such a fragile state at the moment, he doesn't want to hurt you any further. He's chosen to back off instead. And backing off, is as good as gone!!

I think what you need to do, is to get your old self back again. Do a complete 180 and become the girl he fell in love with once more.

Quit calling him, let him come to you. When he calls act all happy to hear from him, laugh and joke with him. Do the opposite and act the opposite, of what you are doing/have been doing in short......

Have a life other, than the one you have with him. Get yourself out there, get some new hobbies and nterests which will help take your mind off the situation. Do girly stuff, hair done, nails done, girls nights in, etc, etc..I know that kinda stuff always boosts my self esteem and confidence.

He very likely does still love you and all this guy will be wanting, is the girl he met and fell in love with back again.

And it's 'her' you have to get back, for this relationship to stand any chance of progressing further.

[lost_soul1]

everyones telling me to just back off a little and give him some space and hell definatly come back to me
i agree with them... and i really appreciate you giving me advice i really do
something in my heart tells me that we have another chance
but what do i do about the whole growing apart thing?
and feeling like we have little to talk about?

[xxazurexx]

everyones telling me to just back off a little and give him some space and hell definatly come back to me
i agree with them... and i really appreciate you giving me advice i really do
something in my heart tells me that we have another chance
but what do i do about the whole growing apart thing?
and feeling like we have little to talk about?

Don't worry about the growing apart thing. Don't worry about anything and because if you do, your worry will spill out in your conversations with him/or he will be able to detect your worry/sadness by the tone of your voice. You can tell a lot, by the tone of someones voice....

I think if you were to follow the advice I gave, if he loves you, he will come seeking you out more often.

Trust me, I've been in this situation and when I followed my own advice which I rarely do, it worked a charm.....lol.
He went from calling me once a week, to every day!!! loool and I aint bullcrapping!
He's still around, a year on!!!

[lost_soul1]

wow. u totally read me.
cuz i do worry about it
and it does spill out in the convos

i know that tomorrow we have a "date" planned... he was going to take me to the movies and dinner
but knowing him hell get home from work late and well skip the movie and dinner and go out for drinks
what should i do tomorrow then? should i just act normal?

[xxazurexx]

wow. u totally read me.
cuz i do worry about it
and it does spill out in the convos

i know that tomorrow we have a "date" planned... he was going to take me to the movies and dinner
but knowing him hell get home from work late and well skip the movie and dinner and go out for drinks
what should i do tomorrow then? should i just act normal?

Remember how you were when you first dated??.......Act as if it's your very' 'first' date......

No mention of the relationship, or moaning he doesn't call enough, etc, etc...

I wish you luck anyway and come back and let me know how it all went.

[lost_soul1]

oh im definatly coming back i really hope all goes well...