Her bf broke up with her, how should I approach the situation?

[lifesabitch]

So do you think she's never gonna love anyone else for her entire lifetime?

[VincenzoG91]

So do you think she's never gonna love anyone else for her entire lifetime?

She will probably love someone in less than a year. I'm just advising you that it will probably be somebody else. If things were fair, you would be at the head of the line and become her next boyfriend. Things are generally not fair like that. I went through this kind of situation a few times before spotting the pattern.

[YSC]

The time you are wasting is valuable. I was in a similar position as you and I realized it wasn't going anywhere. And when I did I stopped before it got out of hand. Now I'm in a relationship with a beautiful girl way better than the girl I was pursuing.

[lifesabitch]

Alright I see your point. I think i'm gonna give it a month or so, but if it's not going anywhere by then i'll move on and call it a day.

[cmacattack1]

Her feelings for this guy aren't just going to dissapear. She will probably continue to feel for him in some way until the next guy. I don't think giving her a month will cut it. To go from listening to her to not talking to her at all after a month? Even more shady. If you are going to be her friend, be her friend. If she needs advice, give her advice. Now isn't a good time to make a move. I think you would know in the future how she is feeling and if she is feeling better. As they all said though, it's going to be a while. You can like/love somebody and not be with them. You don't know where you will be in the future. Cutting her out of your life will guarentee that it won't work out though.

[YSC]

To clarify my post. I didn't mean to cut ties with her. If she wants to be friends. Just be friends. Put her in your friend zone. It will help then you can mentally / emotionally move on to different women. The girl I WAS pursuing like you were is still a good friend of mine.

Just friend zone her as well and everyone will be happy

[lifesabitch]

So to summarize the various advice i'm getting here:

It's ok to keep her as a friend, but if i'm gonna be a friend be prepared to have her as a friend for a long time, maybe even forever. And during that time while she's getting over the dude (if she ever even does) date around and don't even consider her as a romantic option at all. And if maybe by some chance our paths collide in that way somewhere down the line let it be, and if it doesn't i may find something even better that i wasn't expecting. Is that about right?

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, that's more or less it. Personally, I always found it upsetting when they wanted to confide in me about their new love interest. That's around the time when I realized that I didn't really want to be friends anymore. I didn't begrudge their happiness, I just couldn't bear to watch from close range.

[lifesabitch]

I understand the whole reasoning behind that and all. My major problem with it is that I quite honestly don't see myself being happy knowing that she's probably gonna hook up with a few random guys before she even considers me. As you said in your situation, I too, think that it would be painful for me to observe from close range. Therefore I really don't know what to do anymore if that's the case.

[Kaius]

Now why would you like a girl who tells you she loves this guy and the guy totally took advantage of her and stuff like that???
Do you really want to take another man's leftover? You are gonna be hearing it from now till eternity even if you eventually get her.
She is not gonna get over him so quickly. And if she has been telling you all this, she would be too embarrassed to date you.
Only reason why women can open up like this to a guy is because she has concluded early on that you will never be her man.
Sorry. Life experience tells me so.

[lifesabitch]

I dunno, i'm just drawn to her. Always have been.. But yeah, logic does tell me that i'm probably gonna be the friend she tries to confide in while getting with rebound guys.

[lifesabitch]

Today I discovered that you guys are completely right. Me being there does not increase my chances with her at all, and in fact she probably has already signed off on me as a friend and nothing more. She told me today that her heart is with the guy and she wants to wait (unbelievably) that she actually wants to WAIT for him to date other girls and come back. Like, the guy actually literally told her he's unsure she's the one for him so he wants to date other girls to find out, and asked her to wait for him while he does this and she agreed... So she told me that she doesn't want any other guy and just wants him, and she wants me as a "best friend" So I told her **** that and that I don't want to talk to her again... It was hard for me to do but I really think it was the right thing rather than for me to stick around and be unhappy listening to her harping on and on about the guy 24/7.

[SirWagginston]

Haha, what did she say to that?

[the_doggoned]

i'm glad you have realized what we are saying.

in the future, just stop being that weird "guy friend" to girls that are in relationships and/or are dealing with breakups. you look silly.

and again, you can't genuinely be a friend to a girl if your entire goal is to try and spark some kind of relationship with her. stop lying to yourself.

if you were truly her friend and cared about how she felt and how she is hurting right now, you wouldn't be wondering "how long should i wait until i try and move in for the kill?"

seriously, take my advice. have more respect for yourself and find a girl that actually likes you, is single and is in the proper state of mind to even consider dating.

[lifesabitch]

Why should I stay there as the guy to listen to her guy problems all day and all night, i'm not Dr. Phil. In all the time i've known this girl, i've done so much for her and she's done next to nothing for me... I said we were friends and I did indeed feel like we were, but when i've seriously evaluated it, the friendship hasn't been even in any way. She's not a good friend, and basically has been using me since day 1. That's why I don't want to speak to her, not because of her not being ready to jump into a relationship with mee a few days after her bf broke up with her.