Her bf broke up with her, how should I approach the situation?

[7sins]

i feel sorry for her since shes hurting, no one likes to be hurt. But being a nice guy myself, hearing the Ooo you're so nice, i wish i can find a bf like you while watching the girl you like **** douches.

Be there for her and give her your advice, but if she jsut doesnt listen, pack up and just walk away. Like i said, no one likes to be hurt, and in this case, youve liked her for ages awhile shes dating a jerk, you're the ones thats getting hurt.

she made her bed she can sleep in it, why are you being dragged into this emotional rollercoaster. NOt to mention how would you feel when you give her the advice that leads her back inot his arms. check mate.

[xxazurexx]

Why should I stay there as the guy to listen to her guy problems all day and all night, i'm not Dr. Phil. In all the time i've known this girl, i've done so much for her and she's done next to nothing for me... I said we were friends and I did indeed feel like we were, but when i've seriously evaluated it, the friendship hasn't been even in any way. She's not a good friend, and basically has been using me since day 1. That's why I don't want to speak to her, not because of her not being ready to jump into a relationship with mee a few days after her bf broke up with her.

So there you go. Any 'true' friend would stick around and listen to her guy problems. Any 'true' friend wouldn't be on a forum, enquiring as to how long he should wait for a woman, who is fresh out of a relationship.

Strange that you revaluate your 'friendship' and decide she is not that good of a friend anyway and when it's finally dawning on you that you aren't going to get into her panties as quickly as you would have liked.....

If her heart is elsewhere, which obviously it is and with her ex of four years, NOT surprisingly.....it's gonna be a bloody long time before she will ever give her heart to anyone else.

She's the type of girl who doesn't immediatley jump from one warm bed to another. That isn't her fault, it's the way she is.

This is what pisses me off about some men. They seem to think it would be so easy for females just to forget a past long term relationship and go onto a new relationship with them.
Try to convince us that this new relationship is gonna be oh sooooo different to the one we were in and they are oh sooo different from the guy who walked out.

When the woman doesn't comply, she's messing him around and playing head games....wtf??

YawwwNNnn

[lifesabitch]

Actually she is that type... Hence the reason she hooked up with me in the first place.

[lifesabitch]

Yes, I certainly did rationalize the situation, that much is obvious. But no this girl is not some heavenly saint with me being satan's spawn. When she told me she had a bf initially (after hooking up) my first thought was to head for the hills and that's what I intended to do. Then she told me she loves me and needs me to be there in her life. She convinced me to stay and so I did. She told me all along that she wasn't happy with her relationship and that if she ever gets the chance, she would love to be with me (and that was all without me actually asking her out). I was there more because of her than I was because of me.

[the_doggoned]

Yes, I certainly did rationalize the situation, that much is obvious. But no this girl is not some heavenly saint with me being satan's spawn. When she told me she had a bf initially (after hooking up) my first thought was to head for the hills and that's what I intended to do. Then she told me she loves me and needs me to be there in her life. She convinced me to stay and so I did. She told me all along that she wasn't happy with her relationship and that if she ever gets the chance, she would love to be with me (and that was all without me actually asking her out). I was there more because of her than I was because of me.

you got hung out to dry. and willingly!

[xxazurexx]

Yes, I certainly did rationalize the situation, that much is obvious. But no this girl is not some heavenly saint with me being satan's spawn. When she told me she had a bf initially (after hooking up) my first thought was to head for the hills and that's what I intended to do. Then she told me she loves me and needs me to be there in her life. She convinced me to stay and so I did. She told me all along that she wasn't happy with her relationship and that if she ever gets the chance, she would love to be with me (and that was all without me actually asking her out). I was there more because of her than I was because of me.

Bigger fool you then and for sticking around awaiting on her and while she was 'doing' some other man.

First rule of thumb......take no notice of words.

[lifesabitch]

You know, its funny. One of my friends in real life told me the exact same thing. And what I told him is that the dude WASN'T hitting it. There's a reason for me to have been as close to her as I was during that span, he doesn't live that close to her and he never comes to visit. Over the span of that 2 years he's seen her all of 3 times, total. He was neglecting her, didn't call her, didn't even act like they were dating half the time. Had he been around and had I seen them together, I wouldn't have even bothered. I know I listened to the words and ignored the actions (of her not breaking up with him), but I got played emotionally, not physically. He got the opposite.

[xxazurexx]

So she's seen him 3 times in 2 years??? While you were there non stop practically?

She had hardly what I'd call, a proper relationship with him...likely more of a relationship with you.

Now you have me thinking that she well and truly had you firmly in the 'friendzone' and because given the fact she didn't see this guy at all and given you there, if anything was going to happen between you two it would have happened and because of the time you spent together.

You are and were for sure, flogging a dead horse with this one.

[lifesabitch]

Yeah I agree. And as for the physical stuff it happened a lot in the beginning and then it kind of died down and only happened when things were rocky with she and him (aka them being "seperated"). So i've spent a lot more time with her than he has, and I guess her heart is and always has been with him despite what she made it seem like.

[xxazurexx]

Well it sounds as though he doesn't give a crap about her....so he's likely to be history, as far as he's concerned. He couldn't have been all that emotionally invested in the first place, else why only see her 3 times in 2 years?

Guess maybe she is now having a taste of what it was like to be in your shoes.

I wouldn't be friends with her or contact her. Know it's hard, (Kinda in the same boat).

Sometimes people don't realise what they had, until it's gone and ya gotta give someone a taste of life without you in it, for them to realise what they had.

[lifesabitch]

No but that's the thing. While telling me all along that she's losing love for him and that she wants to be with me etc etc... when he broke up with her she said the exact opposite how she loves him so much and she's willing to give him another chance when he's done experimenting with the other girls... So yesterday he called and told her he misses her and just like that she's hooked again. So I think this dude really just messed her up.. Just in the same way she's been messing me up. It's a vicious cycle.

[xxazurexx]

What is likely to have happened is, is that this dude had his eye on some chick who lives nearby and the chick turned down his advances.....hence he goes running back to her. She is his 'safety net', his 'fallback'. That kind of relationship won't and doesn't last.
Seems to me like she is his 'option' not his 'priority' and as soon as he has other options, he will be off again experimenting with the next piece of ass.

If she is prepared to settle for a man like that. then more fool her. But she is wasting her time.

Just cut her off and let her learn the hard way. She will wake up one day....hopefully.

[lifesabitch]

The worst part of it is that he's her option and i'm her option. It's so hard for me to just walk away.

[VincenzoG91]

What is stopping you from trying to meet other women right now? It wouldn't be cheating under these circumstances. It would be helpful if you had some alternatives to her.

[lifesabitch]

It sucks because I do have alternatives but I don't want any of them.. Girls have come and gone, i've gone on dates, but when i'm out with them she's the one on my mind. My ex gf knew that and that's actually the reason she broke up with me, because she knew even though I didn't cheat on her physically, emotionally i wasn't 100% there. That's why right now I feel like I don't even want to bother putting myself out there knowing this fact beforehand.