an easy way out?

[lost_soul1]

i know i just posted a few hours ago. but things have just gotten worse.
i guess i should say a little something about myself.
my family isnt the most common family youd meet. we have problems. my brother has aspergers (a mild form of autism), and i do too. we can function like everyday people. its just the only thing we lack really is social skills. its hard for me to make friends, its hard for me to keep them, its hard for me to understand them.
i feel bad for my brother. it breaks my heart that he has it. every night, i pray that one day it will just go away for us, even though i dont really believe in god.
my family fights alot. like alot. they get in a lot of fights. and it sucks.
i know this sounds stupid, but there have been so many times that ive wanted to just end my existence, but ever since my brother came into my life, i always said no, he needs me, and if he lost me, he wont have someone to be his best friend when hes older. sure hell have a mom and a dad, but no one will ever understand him like i do.

then the one i love popped in. and he literally gave me more of a reason to live. i wanted to wake up every day to see what new things would come in store for us. then we broke up. were supposed to get back together, but i think im just wishing on a dream right now. i love him so much, and since i lost him, everything else feels like a nightmare. i feel like ive been brought down into a hell hole and i wish id just wake up from it. i cant. im so ****ing lost. i know im not posting in the right place, but i dont care.
i need help. ive been to so many therapists, they all perscribed me medicine, which makes me feel worse. i need help. i need advice. i need anything to keep me from slipping. because im slipping hard, and slipping fast. and im so scared of myself. please help.

[lost_soul1]

please. i need advice. i dont want to make this mistake. but im so scared that i will convince myself to do it. im not doing this for attention. i just need help.

[Gigabitch]

Someone else can NEVER be your reason for living. You're off balance, and that's very dangerous. You need to get to the point where you can stand on your own because using other people as a crutch doesn't ever work out.

[dono01]

Have you had your serotonin levels checked? No seriously.

[lost_soul1]

i havent. ive been asking my doctor if its possible to have them checked. but he said it takes a long time and costs a lot of money.
but im 100 percent certain theyre not high.
today is my brothers bday... and i cant stop crying.