His Ex is Too Much!

[Drofnnyl]

I met my fiance online 2 years ago and have been flying to the UK every 4 to 6 months to see him ever since. He's a great guy... kind-hearted... funny... fun. But, there is one BIG problem. His ex-wife is still very much a part of his life. (They have NO kids together.)

He lives in the UK and she lives in the USA. But, she is constantly contacting him online through Yahoo Messenger, emails, and all over Facebook (his wall, pvt chat, and pvt messages). There pretty much isn't a day that goes by without some kind of communication from her. She waits up half the night waiting for him to pop onto Facebook so that she can message him. She keeps her Mobile Web (on her iPhone) running day and night just in case he gets online.

In the beginning of our relationship, he told me that he feels guilty that he still talks to her. (They divorced 4 years ago after she decided she wanted to be with her boss instead.) I really didn't have a problem with them talking until he told me that she still wants him back and that she asked him to visit her even though she knew that he was seeing me.

During one of my trips over to visit him, I looked at his cell phone text messages and saw over 20 messages from her with some of them being "Happy Valentines Day.. Wish you were here so I could give you a hug.. Miss you xxxx" I had panic attacks that lasted an entire week (thought for sure I was having a heart attack). The panic attacks didn't go away until I told him that I saw the text messages and he reassured me that he was never going back to her. (I do believe him there.) Even though she knew I was there, she continued to text message him during my visit. He has since changed his cell phone number and told her that he no longer has a cell phone. (To avoid confrontation with her.)

Saturday night, I was on MSN Live talking to him (on cam) when I realized that he was scooted down in his chair and typing a mile a minute to someone (and it wasn't me). Of course it was her.. on Facebook chat. I told him that I've reached my limit. That I'm not going to be able to tolerate her being a part of our relationship. That an occasional chat is one thing but his chats with her are becoming daily. (She's drilling him about me and our relationship and when I'm moving over.) He said he doesn't even like talking to her yet he continues to do it. (He blocked his Facebook chat since I told him that I couldn't take any more.)

I strongly believe that she is trying to cause a problem in our relationship and break us up.

In the past, I've avoided relationships with men who have small children just because I don't want to be in a relationship where the ex-wife is constantly around and involved. Yet here I am, engaged to a man who is always chatty with his ex-wife.

I'm suppose to be moving over to the UK in 12 days to be with him. We plan on getting married the end of September. Settlement visa is paid for and tickets are booked. Please help! What am I suppose to do? Confront her?

[VincenzoG91]

This is a serious problem, but you shouldn't have waited so long to deal with it. Since you've already spent the money, you might as well go over there, but if he doesn't cut off contact with her after you've moved there, put your foot down hard. And if he still doesn't cut off contact with her, get ready to move back home. If they had a kid together, it would be annoying but understandable if there was some contact. But there is simply no excuse for them to still be in such regular contact. He needs to choose between the past and the present.

[sehvral]

No, you can't be the one to do it. To really get rid of her, he has to be the one to lay down the law with her. She'll likely ignore your demands.

[xxazurexx]

Why does he still have a friendship going with her and when she it sounds as though she cheated on him and with her boss? Has he no pride?

I see no reason at all why these two are still in contact and will chat online.

Perhaps you should have a quiet word with her. Tell her to butt out and get on with her own life and leave him and you to yours