I need help and advice

[lostandclueless]

I am in a troubled relationship with my live in girlfriend of almost 2 years, whom despite extreme control issues, and non ability to compromise or come up with any solution to disagreement other than her way or the highway,I am still in hopelessly in love with.

We are currently seperated. we are talking more than we have in months, and she is now showing more affection than I have recieved from her in months, but there is no resolution to the issues that have seperated us.

I am willing to be totally honest, and I am willing to be admit ,and consider my own flaws, as I know that I am not anywhere near perfect.I will do the best that I can to see her side as well. and tell everything that I have done wrong in the past to hurt her, as well as the things that hurt me.

I reallywant this to work , but at the same time, Even though I was able to be happy despite her demand to have control of everything from the topics(such as cars and politics) that i was able to discuss with my friends when she was there, to the jobs that I worked at,despite how confident I was in my ability to do them or my desire to take them,as long as things were good between us, I no longer believe I can live under absolute rule,or in a situation where i have to always submit,and live without her ever caring enough about my feelings enough to give even the smasselt consession for my sake.

I will continue monitoring this string, and will answer any Question no matter how blunt. But I need serious help

[Ace12]

Your relationships sounds a lot like mine. The only difference is that my girlfriend and I don't live together. She has her own place with her son, but she thinks I am contoling her life. In reality she has the right to chose and do as she pleases but since she has had several bad relationships in the past. I do give her, her space. She does not like being told what to do, I call it constructive advice. It is hard to date a person with her ways of thinking. I do feel your pain. I love my girlfriend as well to. I have done the same things you have but none of it seems to work. Nothing is her fault and it is always me, me, me not we, we as in together. I believe true love comes to those type of poeple your girlfriend but they cannot see it. They will abuse and missue it . When the damage is done and we leave, it will take a while for them to realize what they have lost. Keep trying I am doing my best to talk the talk and walk the walk. It is not easy to do and you feel like giving up. Someone has to show them that all men are not dogs we have to make a difference . I hope it work out for both of us.

[elektra]

You are not going to change your gf's personality, period. We fall in love for lots of reasons and sometimes what first attracts us about someone ( perhaps because it is the total opposite of ourselves) becomes not so attractive. Being controlling is a personality trait, whatever her reasons may be and not you or anyone else can change that. Nor should you have to change who you are in order to deal with what's going on here. Some people are just not meant to be together even when they have love for each other. It's better to cut your losses now than invest more time and energy and just end up becoming bitter and resentful towards her.

[lahnnabell]

We tend to seek to control the world around us, even situations outside of our own, when we lack control and clarity in our own lives. It's very easy to focus on someone else's problems if you want to avoid your own. I'm not sure what you guys constantly disagree on, but if it's continuing to keep you guys at odds, then maybe it's time to call it quits. You can only work on a relationship when you have all parties involved and working toward the same goal. You've painted a picture of her that sounds like she seeks nothing more than to control you. She probably has very skewed ideas of what a healthy relationship consists of. Perhaps she had some bad parental examples growing up.

Sometimes it takes an extreme wake-up call (like breaking up) to shake us up enough to want to make some changes. She seems pretty comfortable with how you've allowed her to subject you to ridicule. Now that you've separated she's singing a different tune. Simply living apart isn't enough to get this relationship back on track though. You both have to be willing to lay all your cards on the table and admit where you are wrong and make a new commitment to work together on your issues instead of picking each other apart and playing the blame game.