Relationship advice

[itscomplicated]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We already have gone through a breakup before we hit the year mark. A lot of that involved him not being over an ex and he ended up dating her during that time. Within two weeks, I finally answered one of his apologetic texts and we ended up trying again. According to him, we split because he no longer had strong feelings for me. The masochist side of me likes to think we broke up BECAUSE of his ex-gf. The break up was in September and we got back together at the end of the month. I am 19 and he is 23. This is my first serious relationship.

We were definitely having some issues so I know the reality of it is that he didn't just leave FOR her. I seem to be having problems trusting him again. I allowed both of them to be friends and feel betrayed by both.

We were on a break since Monday because we got in a nasty argument. We seem to be having some communication issues. We just started talking again today and we decided to keep trying. He feels as though we are just going to end up hurting each other and sometimes I feel that way too. However, I'm not willing to give up on the relationship. We are a pretty stable couple when we're on good terms and we get along great. It's just when we argue that we have trouble understanding each other.

What I'm wondering is what I should do. I love the guy and he loves me. At the same time it isn't like his first love where he had dreams of marrying. He always pulls out the "statistically we aren't going to marry each other." Which I realize to be true but I feel as though one shouldn't linger on those thoughts. He had such hopes to get married with his ex that I feel he's being jaded or "logical" about his approach. He is no longer willing to chase a girl if she breaks up with him because that's what his ex used to do. I think that if you want something you should fight for it-- not that I'm the type to break up with him. I love him dearly and I want it to work out. I'm not ready to give up. Many say I'm a fool for it but I want people who have been in serious relationships input on this.

Thanks!

[fourleafclover]

It sounds a bit like you're doing all the work and all the hoping that it will work out, while he is pointing out reasons it won't work. It also sounds like he really isn't over his ex, and I think until he IS over her he isn't going to be able to commit to or completely trust anyone else. If it were me I would probably break up with him. I'm not going to say you should do that though, as you know the situation better! If you genuinely think that HE wants the relationship with you to work out, then keep fighting. If not..maybe reconsider.