Need advice please help me. :-(

[qazxswedc1]

Ok this is my first post, i am in desperate need of advice, i'm only 21 i've been with my boyfriend for just a year and a bit.
We haven't been having sex since the start of this year really, its been very infrequent. We've had it about 5 times and for a young couple i don't think this is right at all, we had an argument about a month ago and i brought it up and he said i haven't even been thinking about it and changed the subject, i know not all couples have it regularly but the first 10 months of our relationship it was literally every day without fail most days twice. I've asked if he still fancies me and he says of course i do otherwise i wouldn't be with you i believe him because hes still so affectionate and needy he constantly hugs and kisses me and holds my hand and hates it if i don't sleep in his arms at night. The other day i went back to his house ( we don't live together) and went to check my emails, i went on his computer and the top link was a porn site i know i shouldnt have done it but my heart and stomach went all funny i had to check his history it was full of it page after page searching certain porn stars and even girls in the area, this broke my heart i said i had to leave and he went crazy he first tried to deny it and said it was all really really old until i told him i checked the past 7 days then he couldn't lie he finally told me after i said i'd leave him if he didn't tell me the truth, he confessed to have been suffering from wet dreams and thats why he was doing it, but this still doesn't answer my question why we haven't had sex for months and i had been let down everytime i ever tried or said i wanted it, his excuse was that he doesn't like to do it at mine because he feels like people can hear, but this had never been a problem the first year of our relationship i just don't know what to do since it all came out we've had sex twice but i feel hes only done it so i haven't left i just feel so awful about everything and now im worried because hes obviously been pleasing himself the past 3 months with porn that i'll never live up to his expectations and just i'm heartbroken and so annoyed that he kept this from me because if i hadn't of found it i don't know if he'd have ever told me the truth im desperate for advice because i cant go to anyone someone please help

[Doc Durian]

If you think he's telling you the absolute truth and you want to be with him... suggest he find some counseling.

[qazxswedc1]

do you think thats truely what he needs? i know if i suggest that to him he'll go mad

[Doc Durian]

It's a suggestion. Only you know what is the right option for you, ultimately.

But if I was with someone who wasn't interested in having sex with me and had a porn addiction, that's a major issue.

It would need to be addressed, otherwise, I'd have to leave the relationship.

Maybe suggesting that he see a counselor isn't the right option for you.

What about asking him to talk to you about the situation and what's the best way to go about and fix it?

[qazxswedc1]

I did try that, its just the lying thing, i know he'd say everything is fine to avoid more arguments and me thinking theres something wrong with him, it just hurts aswell knowing he'll be dreaming of having sex with someone else while hes sleeping in bed with me, its just really hard.

[Doc Durian]

It's for him to work out, not you.

The question is... how long are you prepared to further put up with it if nothing changes?

If he cares about you, he'll do something about it.

All you can do is tell him your thoughts and feelings and leave the ball in his court.

[qazxswedc1]

i love him so im prepared to wait if it does change, i guess the only thing to do is talk to him again but he went mental last time and cut all his knuckles open by punching his car so its hard i dont want to anger him

[anonymous_girl]

don't let him bully you into not talking about it. guys who are in denial, try using physical force, like he did in punching his car, to scare you into not talking about it. a real relationship involves communication. if he is not interested in communicating with you then it tells me he is hiding something. don't take that as if he's hiding something that's really bad, most guys don't like talking about things that make them seem vulnerable, so something that you wouldn't consider a big deal, might be to him so keep an open mind. all you can do is just make him aware that you love him and care about him and that he doesn't need to be afraid to tell you anything. try making a time for you guys to talk so that he can prepare himself for a conversation about it. sometimes if you start talking to a guy about stuff when their heads aren't in the right place, they'll do stupid things to avoid the conversation. i deal with this all the time with my boyfriend. just talk to him in a supportive manner, let him know that you aren't trying to attack him or tell him he is doing anything wrong per se, just that you want to understand what is going on so that you guys can make strides to work it out. maybe even set up a nice scene where you guys can be alone without anyone around to hear you or interrupt you, a nice comfortable environment where he might be more inclined to open up and and also hear you out.

[Gigabitch]

Ask him if he's willing to give up the porn habit in an effort to reconnect with you sexually.

[vashti]

You are only 21, you don't have kids, and you don't have much time invested with this guy. Get rid of him and find someone who isn't going to require you to squeeze blood from a rock in order to get himself together. Life is short. Don't waste it.

[Incognito]

If this guy thought this was a problem, he'd acknoweledge it and take steps to correct it. He currently doens't see this as "his" problem, and will likely not change his ways. The whole punching the car bit points to someone who cannot control their emotions properly too. Keep bringing things to his attention that make him angry and he might be punching you next. If you must I'd say try to talk about it one more time. If he blows up, or blows you off dump his ass. Maybe that will be the shock he needs to straighten up. Or you could just move on to someone who has an appetite for real sex (or can at least strike a balance between the porn and actual sex) and not look back.