Desperate for some advise......

[1confusedgirl]

I have been seeing a guy (LD) relationship, this is the third time we have met together. Once just us, the second time with our kids, and this time with us alone again. We are both single parents (however his ex is in the picture and mine is not). We have been talking and texting on a daily basis for months now, day and night. We seemed to connect really well. I thought things were going great until this weekend. We had planned to spend a 3 day weekend together with the two of us. We went out with some of his friends one night and had a great time, had a great night in bed (at least that is what I thought), lounged around in the sheets all day the next day and connected-eventhough I had a massive hangover. I was trying to fight the hangover but apparently he thought I wasn't getting into it enough? Was that his was of telling me I wasn't good enough because I wasn't all over him every second? I wish I could have but damn I felt terrible!

Now for the distracting part, through out the day, he received multiple phone calls from work (okay part of his job-I can accept that) but then the call came from the ex just bithching him out that their son got hurt because he wasn't at the game and that she hoped he was happy...blah-blah-blah! He had major custody of the kids for the record. He always seems to go out of his way for her still, had to rent her a car so she could take care of her own kids this weekend because she doesn't have her own vehicle anymore.

So anyway, I guess what I wondering is if these are signs that he really isn't over her and he just saw me as a booty call? Yet tried to manulipate me because she had done that to him because of the things that he said to me about me not, I guess out of just being frustrated with everything? I really don't know? But what upset me is that he decided to go home. We have always had the mutual feeling kids always come first, but I am not sure if he was using them as an excuse or what? I feel heartbroken as if I have done something wrong? Did I? I am just afraid that I ruined any future our relationship had because of what he said. I even explained that I though he knew how I though I felt about him, but he basically shutdown. I can accept that maybe I could have behaved a little different, but really if he cared shouldn't he understand?

Where does this sound like it is going?


We have still been communicating by text, but they have been way more limited than they usually are.

[xxazurexx]

Thing is and when you choose to become involved with men with responsibilty, ie: kids, then you have to realise that he has a priority over you, that priority being his kids. If he has kids, then there is usually an ex wife, partner lurking too. You have to accept that too. She was in his life before you, as were his kids and this ex partner and his kids are gonna be around in one or another in his life and for the rest of his life.

Just because he goes running off to his kids, doesn't mean it's an excuse to see his ex. He could be just a good father, who CARES about his kids.

My ex husband will come and see our daughter. There are times I have to phone him and in regard to our daughter, despite the fact he is remarried.
I'm sure not looking for excuses to be near him and he sure as heck doesn't come and see our daughter, to get back with me, lol.
She is his concern, not me.

You say you could have handled it differently, after the call from his ex. That tells me that you gave him crap....

His reason for backing off I guess.

I think you need to be more understanding of his situation and understand that you are not going to be top priority in this mans life.

His kids will always come first.

[Olderandwiser49]

His kids will always come first.

xxazurexx is absolutely right. I can't say you blew it, since I don't know what transpired between you when he said he had to go, but I can only hope it did not involve an ultimatum - you or them. If it didn't, then you can probably work things out, but if you did, I can assure you that he has already made his choice. When you date a single parent, you are dating his kids, too. He is not measuring you just as a life partner or sexual being; he also is viewing you as a prospective mother of his children, and he will not always understand why you don't feel the same about them as he does. Hope things work out OK.

[1confusedgirl]

Thank you for the advise. And I need to clarify, I never ever gave him a choice between me or his children, I would never do that because I know he is a great father and man which is why I don't want to loose what we started. This has been a mutual agreement from the beginning....from my interpretation he is saying that I was not into the sexual part of our time together during that day after he got the phone call. Which I really do not feel is true because I care for him deeply and we were intimate the night before, yet the day was somehow different? This is why I am so confused? I suppose this could still be a make it or break it situation for some men, but really I would have never thought he would be this way. Is there anything I can say or do at this point to help the situation?