Good idea or selfish?

[davey123]

unrequited love
My flat mate and me fell for each other at uni three years ago. We had lived together for two years and just got on fantastically well, however despite her being a reasonably attractive girl I must admit that I didn't find her sexually attractive. To me she was like a sister. One night we did get drunk and sleep together and I remember saying the next morning that I never saw this coming... Always saw u as more of a sister. Christ wat a thing to say!!! Anyway it wasn't till a few months before we were due to leave uni that I realised I had genuine feelings for this girl way beyond friendship.

I can still remember laughing to myself when I realised this. With her moving overseas I decided it best to keep my feelings to myself. However we ended up sleeping with each other on another two occasions, I must admit to being slightly immature and shy at this point in my life. On one occasion when in the pub a mutual friend questioned her on her feelings probably sensing something to which she replied she was crazy about me! However I seemed to shy to make any move and she was obviously leaving.

Days before she left I don't know why I rather sheepishly told her I was crazy about her. That was it. I couldn't say anything else. She began to cry and then pulled herself together and informed me that nothing could happen. I was gutted! She left I got over it and we talked occasionally online.... The chat however intensified when she realised she would be returning to England. She would call me every time she got drunk and then text me after to say how much she missed me.

The chat became an everyday routine. However upon her return I was living at the other end of the country. I had taken a job, which left me very little spare time. I went to visit her for her birthday and she was just so excited to see me it was awesome. We went out and ended up kissing. As always she made the first move, and when I asked her what was going on she replied your all I ever talk about to my friends but yorur just so shy.

We didn't sleep together that night but left it at a kiss at the door. The next day however when leaving I thought to myself.... I have to say something! I stood at the door hugged her and she asked would I come up again soon to which I replied sorry I'm gonna be really busy!! I kno right!! I then told her I missed her and walked off!! Fool I know.

So here's the kicker folks I sent her a bloody e-mail telling her how I felt and asking her out! I cringe now at the thought! she turned me down saying she loved me as a friend and was sorry it took her days to return the email as she said she just found it so difficult. We continued our friendship and talked everyday online for hours however I never returned to liverpool to see her!

We speak often even now and met up recently. I am not a fool, I realise that my immaturity and shyness cost me. I have no doubts that if i were in the same situation now I would act completely differently. We appear to be drifting apart these days which I suppose is inevitable a lot of time has passed and I have no doubt that the feelings she may have had for me in the past have largely faded.

I am also aware that the feelings I have for her were probably stronger than those she had for me. I regret deeply not making the effort. Alas she got away and I have come to realise that though I denied it for so long I loved. Her. She was my first love. I am a few years older now and a lot more mature and despite accepting the fact that my first love is seemingly unrequited I feel compelled to tell her just how much I love her, how special she was and is to me and that I do not regret for one moment falling in love with her.

I remember once saying to her something along the lines of... I like u but don't love u (another classic). It is important that u understand that this is not an attempt to win this girl. This is something I would like to do... A gesture. .my question is this....

I haven’t been a dick to her but have possibly unwittingly messed this girl around. I understand that our lives are moving in different directions and that contact will lessen more and more. I Simply want to get my feelings off my chest. I want to write her a letter telling her these things but above all I do not want to upset her! I plan to handwrite the letter and expect no reply. In fact I would not be surprised if it ruins our friendship. Is this something I should do?

Will she treasure it or is it a soopy and selfish gesture7? Too little to late... The letter will not highlight my regrets and will only seek to put a smile on her face. Yay or nay? How would u girls feel if u received such a letter would u appreciate it? I want honest answers! Whats a worst case scenario… ?

[blondy2]

I would write her a letter but not send it and don't contact her. Give her some time and maybe she'll realize that she really Loves You! Play hard to get, I've found that this is the best approach. Could you check out my post. I really need advice too. Love Advice "Blondy2"

[Doc Durian]

unrequited love
My flat mate and me fell for each other at uni three years ago. We had lived together for two years and just got on fantastically well, however despite her being a reasonably attractive girl I must admit that I didn't find her sexually attractive. To me she was like a sister. One night we did get drunk and sleep together and I remember saying the next morning that I never saw this coming... Always saw u as more of a sister. Christ wat a thing to say!!! Anyway it wasn't till a few months before we were due to leave uni that I realised I had genuine feelings for this girl way beyond friendship.

I can still remember laughing to myself when I realised this. With her moving overseas I decided it best to keep my feelings to myself. However we ended up sleeping with each other on another two occasions, I must admit to being slightly immature and shy at this point in my life. On one occasion when in the pub a mutual friend questioned her on her feelings probably sensing something to which she replied she was crazy about me! However I seemed to shy to make any move and she was obviously leaving.

Days before she left I don't know why I rather sheepishly told her I was crazy about her. That was it. I couldn't say anything else. She began to cry and then pulled herself together and informed me that nothing could happen. I was gutted! She left I got over it and we talked occasionally online.... The chat however intensified when she realised she would be returning to England. She would call me every time she got drunk and then text me after to say how much she missed me.

The chat became an everyday routine. However upon her return I was living at the other end of the country. I had taken a job, which left me very little spare time. I went to visit her for her birthday and she was just so excited to see me it was awesome. We went out and ended up kissing. As always she made the first move, and when I asked her what was going on she replied your all I ever talk about to my friends but yorur just so shy.

We didn't sleep together that night but left it at a kiss at the door. The next day however when leaving I thought to myself.... I have to say something! I stood at the door hugged her and she asked would I come up again soon to which I replied sorry I'm gonna be really busy!! I kno right!! I then told her I missed her and walked off!! Fool I know.

So here's the kicker folks I sent her a bloody e-mail telling her how I felt and asking her out! I cringe now at the thought! she turned me down saying she loved me as a friend and was sorry it took her days to return the email as she said she just found it so difficult. We continued our friendship and talked everyday online for hours however I never returned to liverpool to see her!

We speak often even now and met up recently. I am not a fool, I realise that my immaturity and shyness cost me. I have no doubts that if i were in the same situation now I would act completely differently. We appear to be drifting apart these days which I suppose is inevitable a lot of time has passed and I have no doubt that the feelings she may have had for me in the past have largely faded.

I am also aware that the feelings I have for her were probably stronger than those she had for me. I regret deeply not making the effort. Alas she got away and I have come to realise that though I denied it for so long I loved. Her. She was my first love. I am a few years older now and a lot more mature and despite accepting the fact that my first love is seemingly unrequited I feel compelled to tell her just how much I love her, how special she was and is to me and that I do not regret for one moment falling in love with her.

I remember once saying to her something along the lines of... I like u but don't love u (another classic). It is important that u understand that this is not an attempt to win this girl. This is something I would like to do... A gesture. .my question is this....

I haven’t been a dick to her but have possibly unwittingly messed this girl around. I understand that our lives are moving in different directions and that contact will lessen more and more. I Simply want to get my feelings off my chest. I want to write her a letter telling her these things but above all I do not want to upset her! I plan to handwrite the letter and expect no reply. In fact I would not be surprised if it ruins our friendship. Is this something I should do?

Will she treasure it or is it a soopy and selfish gesture7? Too little to late... The letter will not highlight my regrets and will only seek to put a smile on her face. Yay or nay? How would u girls feel if u received such a letter would u appreciate it? I want honest answers! Whats a worst case scenario… ?

If you need to get it off your chest, write the letter and burn it.

If you want her... hop a plane and show up unannounced after burning the letter prior.

ie. Shit or get off the pot...

That sounds to be the crux of the matter and what she was after.

Go in hard with your wings alight, or don't go at all.

Maybe she'll reject you, but at least you tried for real.

That's better than writing a letter.

[xxazurexx]

I think that once a woman has those 'friendship' feelings for you, you are doomed.

Thing is, she started as liking you as a lot, slept with you and after that you told her 'she was like a sister'.
Since when did guys sleep with women, they thought of as their sister btw?

I think it's a case of she wanted you, you didn't want her.
Now she doesn't want you, you want her.

She lost interest, simple as. And which happens in cases where the woman doesn't know where she stands, or the guy is too slow to make moves and isn't showing enough interest in 'that' way. And once a woman looses interest, it's usually for good. When shes done, she's done.

[davey123]

Unfortunaetly I know this to be the situation exactly! Blew my chance ! This girl will always be so special... I often think to myself tht she never broke my heart... She made me realise I had one!

[Doc Durian]

I think that once a woman has those 'friendship' feelings for you, you are doomed.

Thing is, she started as liking you as a lot, slept with you and after that you told her 'she was like a sister'.
Since when did guys sleep with women, they thought of as their sister btw?

I think it's a case of she wanted you, you didn't want her.
Now she doesn't want you, you want her.

She lost interest, simple as. And which happens in cases where the woman doesn't know where she stands, or the guy is too slow to make moves and isn't showing enough interest in 'that' way. And once a woman looses interest, it's usually for good. When shes done, she's done.

That's not a romantic facet, but a provider seeking throwback.

I think it's hilarious that men have been raised to retrace their sordid ancestry and treat women with equal respect, but when a modern day female remnant of the feminist movement has the choice... she knocks the same fellow back for not swooning or mounting her quick enough.

[Kaius]

wait this is all out of sequence. You sleep with her, and then you fell for her, and then you were too shy to let her know?
If you're too shy, why did you even kiss her or sleep with her? If you had sister feelings, how did that even grow to be more than friends?
This one is kinda confusing to me. I think if she just wants to be friends, then just let it be. Sorry, this relationship doesn't follow any rules as we know it.