Is it normal or just a fantasy?

[steffybluebird]

Ok, I am new to these forums, but I am desperate for advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 yrs. when we first met, he said he wanted all the things I wanted. I am a touchy feely person. I need physical contact. I want a relationship where I am touched, kissed, hugged, where there is intimacy and romance. My boyfriend said that was what he wanted as well. We moved in together about a year ago and since then, it has gone downhill. He hardly touches me, I barely get a peck on the lips once a day if I am lucky and Hugs and intimacy are non existant. He said that what I want is only in movies or books. I have been out of the dating field for several years, but I have had previous relationships where there was a lot more intimacy and romance. Am I being unreasonable or is he just not that into me?

[Mish]

It sounds like the two of you want different things. Maybe he said that he's like you before to make it easier for you to move in with him?

Bear in mind though, it's not unusual for romance to die down through the cycles of the relationship. However, the speed with which this occurred here suggests to me the two of you desire different things on the personal level.

[girl68]

I have what is only in the movies... I'm lucky but I'm also no movie star. I've been with my partner for 3 years. Yes, it's possible.

[SirWagginston]

It better not be only in movies, because I refuse to settle for anything less.

[Graham Berkeley]

steffybluebird, It isn't unreasonable to want physical affection, intimacy and romance. Further more there are men out there who love it too. It sounds like he doesn't know what the hell he wants.

[bah]

Both of you sound completely normal to me. You can't expect a partner to be a splitting image of physical needs and I don't think your relationship is doomed because of it. When you feel the need for physically intimacy, just initiate it.

[dono01]

It sounds like you both relate to intimacy differently. I know that sounds like a crock, but seriously. I am very intellectually stimulated, whereas my wife is very physically stimulated. If I am not meeting her physically (hugs, kisses, etc) she will not feel loved or respond normally, more importantly, she will not feel as if there is an intimate connection happening. The same is true for me, I tend to not be as touchy, "huggy," or "kissy" if my intellectual "needs" are not being fulfilled, which leads me to not feel as intimate, which is why I don't feel as open to huggy kissy-ness.

Does that make any sense?

[davidtorres]

did you tell him what you want?

[girl68]

did you tell him what you want?

In my experience this won't help. He is who he is unaffectionate. It might help for a few weeks as he tries to be someone he is ultimately not.

[steffybluebird]

trust me... I have talked him to death about it. I have tried to initiate it and some times it works others he acts like I am some sex crazed maniac. and That is just me trying to cuddle or lean against him on the couch. I keep asking what he wants and I dont think he knows. it is our biggest problem. Thank you for all the posts so far. We are trying to work it out as we both have kids who have gotten attached to us and each other. So I hope we can work through it.