what is she trying to accomplish

[mrz16]

I spoke to a girl friend of mine who i used to have a thing with. We used to speak almost everyday on the phone but recently we just talk every now and then. Last time we were talking she mentioned that she went to a club with some friends and how guys kept trying to dance with her and how she kept telling them to go away. This is not the first time I have heard this. every now and then she'll tell me about some party she went to and how a guy tried to dance with her and all the rest. Anyway when she usually tells me stuff like this, it is obviously things that I don't want to hear from someone that i used to have some sort of relationship with but i try and hold my thought to my self and try and keep the conversation moving. Well she rang me yesterday and started talking about how she went to the club blah blah and then exactly what i expected how guys kept trying to grind on her and stuff. I tried to change the topic of conversation before i do she starts talking about some guy she met who seemed ok not like the rest of the guys so she danced with him. What i want to know is why would she tell me something like this. I mean its not exactly my favourite topic of discussion. Why she want to tell me something like that. She also mentioned that he kept trying to grind on her but she kept moving away. This really blows my mind in 3 different directions. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated?

thanks,

[carl1222]

This is why I never advise trying to maintain a friendship with an ex you still have feelings for.

Unless you have reason to believe that she is trying to make you jealous, your problem is that you seem to be on a completely different wavelength than her. If you two are truly "just friends" now, it shouldn't bother you that she tells you about things related to her romantic life. I get the feeling though that you would like to get back together. If so ... go for it. If she rejects you ... so be it ... but remember, there is nothing more toxic than maintaining just a friendship with someone when you want more.

Carl.

[Jas_mine]

Who broke up with who?

Maybe she tells you to prove to you that she is desirable. Or to provoke a jealous reaction. Or because she simply sees you as a friend whom she can discuss all with. Who knows.

[mrz16]

first of all thanks to your replies. first to carl1222 i think you hit the nail on the head about us being on different wave lengths. Shes told me before that she sees me as one of her best friends but it feels far from it. This girl really knows how to confuse me. I value her a lot especially as a friend but i'm not sure where she stands.

And to Jas_mine, the exact same thought crossed my mind when she was telling me about her night out. but i kept myself to myself as i always do. But i would have to go with your first thought as we have never been the sort of friends to talk about other people. But one thing i don't understand is why she would want to get a jealous reaction out of me in the first place. Its very confusing for me, and before anyone gives their input i would just like to say that this girl seems like shes pretty much over me. So even though it felt like this was her intention i'm pretty sure it wasn't. But i cant think of any other reason?


any thoughts please

and back to Jas_mine's questions about who broke up with who, i would say we both made the decision.

[xxazurexx]

She sounds full of her own self importance, but I'm guessing major self esteem issues at the same time.

I wouldn't even talk to her.

[mrz16]

I hear you but it just doesn't sound like her. Still buggin me though. She's so hard to read. I just don't understand whats going on in her mind. I would just come out and say shes moving on with her life, but then why play mind games. carl1222 was pretty much right with us being on different wave lengths. At least it feels that way. When we first met things were different. but i guess people change.

[Illusional]

hahahaha... she is doing this because she can. obviously every time that she calls, you're going to listen to her and now have the balls to tell her shut the f*ck up already. you keep your mouth close and let her do this to you. if you want it to stop, then tell her so, otherwise she will continue to bother you like nothing is wrong.

raverboy

[mrz16]

I don't think this is a conscious issue. I mean it would be kinda weird for me to call her and tell her thats shes driving me mad. And it doesn't really bother me. I just want to know her reasons for being like this.

[Illusional]

well you don't have to call her, personally i wouldn't. however the next time that she calls you, tell her how you feel. whether it be irritated, angry, or you want to get back with her. whatever the case is, say something and don't be so submissive about it.

raverboy

[mrz16]

I would just find it kinda awkward. and i think it may be even more awkward that shes calling me and i start moaning about all kinds of stuff. But i could slip it in while talking. But what do i say?

[Illusional]

what would you tell me if i irritated you?? you'd tell me your mind because you don't care what i think of you. however, sometimes, you have to be honest to be nice. tell her that all these calls don't really matter to you because i hate to listen to her bitch about other guys who she isn't interested in. and then after you'd done cussing her out, ask her how the rest of her day went just to keep the friendship open.

raverboy

[mrz16]

I suppose i hear what your saying, in a sense. Ill give it some thought. I'm just wondering are you a guy or a girl. From your comments i'm gonna guess your a guy. If so i would really appreciate any female input.

[Illusional]

yup i'm a guy. my ex was like this... well i was her friend first. she used to call me all the time and bitch and complain about her bf's, problems... or anything else that she could bitch about. however, it did get irritating, but i never told her because i was too nice. damn, when i finally started to tell her off, more problems started, but i told her how i felt and i put my foot down.

raverboy

[daydreamin420]

Plain & Simple shes trying to make you jealous. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

[mrz16]

She never actually complained about any of her boyfriends to me or any other guy for that matter. But she will occasionally talk about some random guy that she thought was nice or whatever. I would say she is far from a bitch.

And to daydreamin420, my head tells me that she is trying to make me jealous but i don't see why she would do that. I mean if a girl told you that you were one of her best friends (considering that we have a past aswell) why would she want to make me jelous. I mean recently it feels like we are far from friends. Well thats my view anyway. How could she be interpreting this whole situation?

back to the topic of us being friends i recently fell out with one of her really old school friends. she found out and said that she had my back over his. Which leads me to believe that she does see me as a really good friend. But why act differently.