Am I being evasive?

[librooks]

Last night my b/f asked me what I was doing that night. I said, "I may go into Philly with some friends." He said I was playing games and being evasive because I didn't tell him where I was going and with whom. My friend who called didn't even know where we were going, she asked me to call her so we could firm up some plans. And he's only met her once, doesn't even know who she is. I didn't think to add more detail. I've never cheated on him, but he was hurt badly by his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend so I think he's taking it out on me.

BTW, this is the same guy I've mentioned in my "Morning Molestation" post. I think he was still angry about the fact that I "rejected" his 5:30am advances.

Does it seem like I was being evasive by telling him "I may go into Philly with some friends" and not giving him the names of those friends?

[sfalexi]

The guy has to chill. If he wanted to know the names, he shoulda asked. "Who are you going with?" In which case if you said, "I don't want to tell you", then THAT would have been evasive.

In my mind, if someone asks me what I'm doing a certain night, I don't want to have to lay out an entire itinerary just to avoid being called "evasive".

[Cybog]

Hopefully you realize, and realize fast - that this guy's sort of behavior is classic and common among abusive jealous types. It is beyond obvious that this guy has absolutely no concern for you, other than his control or usage of you.

My assumption is that this is a fairly new relationship. It's too bad that you are already calling him your "boyfriend" though.

You want some advice? Slowly get out of this relationship if it is still young. These sort of jealous demands and advances towards you will only escalate into more demanding issues and things that will drive you further away from who you really are. These sort of things could also be signs of physical abuse to follow, or perhaps eventual rape.

The longer you allow this nonsense to go on, the "closer" you will imagine the two of you are together, and the more Bullshit you will put up with before either the above mentioned happens, or you finally call it quits.

If this is a relationship that has been around for awhile, (I seriously doubt it, but hey, who knows) then this chump has no right to be doing the things he does to you. Explain to him that if you guys are going to continue, he is neither A) Your parents who need a written itenerary of where you are going and with whom, and B) He is not someone who is going to simply jump your bones when you arent willing for it to happen.

Run, don't walk. You heard it here first.

--P.S. -- I read somewhere that this guy has kids and was married before. Maybe you should talk to his ex-wife and get her side of the story as to why their relationship didn't last, and what kind of guy ditches his wife and 3 kids of that kind of age.

[KenThePartyMan]

"Hopefully you realize, and realize fast - that this guy's sort of behavior is classic and common among abusive jealous types. It is beyond obvious that this guy has absolutely no concern for you, other than his control or usage of you."

i Think the info should be offered if your in a relationship. Just because you bf/gf wants to know what your doing does not mean he/she is trying to get all in your business. it might be that he is interested in your life and what you do. If you feel you cant share that with him/her then why be together. If ther is a problem with you tell him/her what your doing that night then you might not be doing the best thing for your relasionship so you should get out of it because having secrets is for people who just go out every now and again and not for a real relasionship.

Don't get me wrong. its ok to have a private life but it should be one you can share with your bf/gf because it will kick you in the ass later in your relationship.

my2cent

[blue]

first of all i dont think that in this situation that she was trying to not offer him info. She did say that she did not know exactly what she was doing with her friends she also did tell him what she may be doing.... i think seriously that your boyfriend wasnt genuinley taking an intrest in your life but like stated above being a jerk and overreacting and he is the one playing games maybe cuz he didnt get nookie or something.
this does raise a red flag to me too. Its not nice when someone places their insecutites on you it actully sucks!

[joe schmoe]

totally unhelpful but he sounds like an asshole.....

[KenThePartyMan]

As we all know, if your man walked into the place you are going to hang out with your friends but did not let you know he was there, there is a 90% chance he will not like what is going on even if its nothing. He is going to see the side of you that he feels you don't show him. The side where you let it all hang out and have a great time. In his mind he will be asking why you can't you have that kind of fun with him but that is just because he was not invited and is feeling left out. you need to understand that he wishes he was more involved in your plans and that is why he gets upset and starts questioning your actions. Its not because your out having a great time and he thinks your ****ing everyone, even if he says it is. its just because he might not have plans that night and is going to do everything he can to go with you or mess your night up because he will be alone thinking about how much fun you are having without him.

If this sounds like what is going on in your relationship then there is two things you can go to fix this. First one is make it easy for you and break it off. You can live your life and he can go live his. second one is make an effort to invite your man out to more of the things you do with your friends. give him a reason to feel like he is involved so he does not feel he has to fight for your attention. On the nights you want a girls night out he might not be so all over you about it. You just need to be open with each other.

Here is some advice for everyone.

Guys: Your woman wants to go out without you somtimes so let her. She cant tell you not to go out so why should you tell her. If you feel the need to ask her what she is doing feel free but be nice about it or your going to fight and she will be mad at you all night and that just opens a door for the next man to get her drunk and make her forget all about you for the night. Give her a reason to want to come home to you and give you that drunk monkey sex you like so much. If you piss her off your just going to give the bartender, dj, or local stud a foot in the door after she gets a drink in her and the "**** HIM BECAUSE HE AINT SHIT" song starts playing. She might be coming home after she is done but your not getting any because she will be thinking how nice that guy was to her and what an a-hole you are. Or she might suck him off in the parking lot just to come home a give you a taste of what she did that night.

Also, when girls go out they get free drinks from guys. You might say that your girl would not do that to you but she does. Her friends are going to do it. they do it when you go out with them so why would she not do it if your not there. She is going to tell you what you want to hear then go hit guys up for drinks all night so get over it. Yes, this sucks because we don't want to think of other men all over our women all night but as long as she is not dancing, hugging, or pushing her body all up on this dude then it should be fine with you because she is being a normal girl out having fun. If she wants to do all that other stuff then she should be out with you. If your girl does the other stuff then dump that ho because you cant turn a ho into a house wife.

Girls: Love your man and be open because as much passion that he puts into fighting you about things you wont tell him can be used for better things (if you know what i mean :p). Be open with him because you need him to trust you to have a happy relationship. Also, for most of us guys its not that we dont trust you, its the other guys we don't trust. That guy at your office, school, or hangout that is so sweet to you and you like to hang out with so much wants to **** you. You might call him your best friend but he wants to **** you. I don't care who he is or how long you know him...if he likes girls and has a dick he is thinking of a way to break it off with you and your man so he can try and **** you. I know because I am a guy and just about every girl that was my "friend/best friend" I wanted to ****. Your man knows this and wants to kill this guy. That "he is just a friend" crap will never work because we know he wants to **** you so don't even bother.

Want to prove it? all you need to do is bring your man out with this friend but don't tell the friend its your man. give your man a tape recorder and leave the table. have your man ask him what he thinks of you. I bet when you get back your friend will be knocked out and when you ask why just listen to the tape because he was talking about your hot ass or tits, or just talking about how much better he would be for you then your man.

But back to the topic. Be MORE open with your man and you will see a big change in how he treats you. The reason why I say MORE open is because what your doing now is not working for him and that is why he it going to trip when you go out.

my2cent

[blue]

well well well u are so full of good suprises!!!!
xoxoxo