need a guy's perspective...what does this mean?

[elphie]

Ok, so I posted earlier about a guy that I recently met, who seemed like he was interested in me (asking personal questions to get to know me better, lots of eye contact and smiling, and then he asked about going to dinner). I said no that night, which I later realized was probably taken by him as a rejection; he still made a lot of eye contact and smiled, but toned it down a bit from the first time. So from feedback on here and talking with friends, it became apparent that I needed to do something to show interest (either casually suggest going to dinner, flirt more, some small gesture to hint I am still interested). Now there's a new element that I wanted to get some help with as I'm not sure what to do.

Last night I ended up spending some time on facebook and found his profile (we aren't facebook friends so I couldn't see everything), but I saw an old profile pic of him with a girlfriend from 2 years ago (which is fine), but she is also one of his friends and when I looked at her profile it says that she is in a relationship with him. I know people play jokes and do goofy things on facebook all the time (when I was in college people would say there were married or in relationships with friends all the time as jokes) and when my bf and I broke up it took awhile to change the status to read single.

Did I just completely read him wrong the first time I met him and misinterpret his suggestion of dinner? Part of why I thought he was interested was because he waited till we were alone to suggest dinner (we had been in a group), so if it was just to hang-out he could have said to everyone "who's up for dinner?" instead of just me. Do I just back down and not try to let him know I am interested given that he is possibly in a relationship (granted it's not something he ever said and only something I learned by looking up his profile on facebook); just sort of walk away and leave it at that? (if he is in a relationship, I don't want to be the other woman, or break anybody up) Do I still maybe flirt a little/hint that I'm interested, but maybe tone it down/be more subtle about it in case he's actually not in a relationship? So for example, still smile and make eye contact, but not suggest going for a drink/dinner? Is he as my roommate said, a "player?"

[sehvral]

Well, you really can't draw anything definite from Facebook status, as you've said. If she's one of his FB friends and really was dating him, I'd imagine she would have noticed by now that his profile said single.

You might just casually bring it up, something like "You should bring your GF to game night next week" and see how he responds.

[Karmartia]

What's wrong with you? He asked you out and you said no. He assumes you're not interested. You'll have to ask him out now, and take your chances. He will probably say yes and then spend the whole night messing with your head, which is no less than you deserve. Sheez!

[elphie]

so i should note that when i said no, i wasn't feeling particularly well (i had a really bad migraine) so all i wanted to do was go home and relax/rest. it wasn't until later when i had a chance to think about it that i realized clearly what happened. i was not trying to play games or mess with his head, and am trying to salvage the situation, what's left of it, or determine if there is anything worth salvaging at any rate. i've definitely been kicking myself for saying no then, especially when it could have clarified all the things i'm having issues with now, including if this is something i should try to pursue, or if i should just let it go.

[Mr. Turtle]

Okay, I'm gonna give this guy the benefit of the doubt here. I am very good friends with my ex and she is my confidant as well. You women have no idea the amount of confidence we have to muster to ask you out. Think about how many times you get hit on a day. Now multiply that by 365. Now multiply THAT by the difference in age from we'll be lax here and say 15. So if you get hit on 24 times a day for 365 days a year for a generous 10 years...thats a 1 in 87,600 chance of you saying "yes." With that said, you said no and he respected that and backed off. You now have work to do. Just be upfront and ask him out. He put his cards on the table, if you respect him, you do the same. As for the possible GF, dont tell him you facebook stalked him but in the "Unofficial Northeast American Intersex Relations Operation Manual for Men" it is perfectly acceptable and courteous to pose the question "So why is a guy like you still single?" Refer to Section Courting and Dating, Part VIII, Paragraph 47, Line 712.38. From there he should respond with a truthful answer. Oh god, I need to get a life HAHA.

[lahnnabell]

How is it that FB lists her in a relationship with him, but he's single? Both FB users have to agree to being in a relationship for that status to show up on their profiles.

[elphie]

i'm not actually friends with either of them. you can view parts of people's profiles on facebook without actually being their friend. but i guess that's part of why i posted originally. since the person has to accept that you're in a relationship with them for their name to appear, it made me wonder if i just misinterpreted everything and he wasn't actually interested. is there some glitch on facebook that has old/out of date info when you look at people's profiles you aren't friends with? should i just send him a friend request on facebook? i hadn't earlier because friends recommended asking him on a date in person/or at least hinting at asking again in person, rather than emailing. on the other hand, if i friend him and it does say that he is in a relationship on his profile, that might clear things up a bit (i'm still a little confused cause that means that i totally misinterpreted everything, that or he was trying to play the field, though it didn't seem like it).

[Sonrisa]

i know this is off topic, but Elphie and mr. Turtle in one thread!!! that is soooo WICKED!!!!