i feel as if i have no soul anymore

[Arx_Fatalis]

so yesterday my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, we were dating for about 3 weeks going on the 4th, but i have known her for a good bit and developed feelings for her before we got together, it started three days ago, her aunt just passed away of whom she was close too, her stress from school and job hunting is getting to her..

last night she broke it off with me saying that there were problems in her life she needs to fix and that i am not the problem but she is because she cant be happy on her own even though i make her happy, i think what she's technically calling it is a break, she wants to "rediscover" herself and then see where we may stand and possibly get back together.

now to my understanding breaks are a nice way of saying "**** you and go to hell", but what i want to know is do they ACTUALLY work?

and what should i do while on this "break" to ensure i give her space?

she was bawling when she said it was over, but she also kept saying how much she loved me, so any ideas guys?

because this is killing me and i'd do anything to get her back, she's an amazing woman and is the girl i want to see myself with in the future.

[Incognito]

Everyone has their own experiences and viewpoints on "breaks". I'm a one shot kinda guy. To me a break means that you want to remain somewhat connected to someone without the responsibility and commitment (ie: you're in a quasi-relationship, but you don't see the person much and can f*ck around). That's not my thing at all. Some people actually do better after one of these breaks, but more often than not a "break" is an easy way to dissolve a relationship without the drama of a formal break up. If you really like her discuss the terms and duration of the break (i.e. Can you see other people? Can you still communicate, or is there to be no contact? Sex or no sex?) After the break (if you two decide that the break is only temporary) see how things go. I personally would just move on, especially since it has only been a few weeks, but that's just me.

[hello_gorgeous]

Respect her choice. If you stayed together and you were the reason that she was happy, and she shouldn't be happy on her own, that is where the relationship will start going downhill. I know all too well about unhealthy relationships =/ Over time you guys will eventually start to rely on each other to be happy and become co-dependent. Give her space, and in my opinion do not talk to her much, probably call her once a week to just check up on her. Let her work on herself, if she really wants things to work out, she will come back to you.

She is going through a very tough time so that is another reason she is distancing herself. So in the meantime I think that you shouldn't totally move on, but start to slowly get over her.

[Arx_Fatalis]

well as far as its going, im not having and contact with her, if she wants to talk im going to let her call me or initiate it, i dont really want to move on because i get a strong feeling that she's the girl for me, but as far as i've been told i should not contact her and let her have time to think about myself and her, as in give her time to start missing me which im doing as we speak, i just hope she comes to her senses but other than that i've been going out and having fun..getting shit faced and all not letting this bother me one bit

[Gigabitch]

That's the right attitude. There could be a hundred reasons why she's pulling this "break" thing. For all you know, she just found out she's three months pregnant or that she has cancer. Give her a few weeks, and if she doesn't come back, move on and find someone else.

[bacella]

Taking a break can be a good thing. But you need to give her some space...
Usually when a someone breaks up after a few weeks it means that she's gotten to know you, but finds that you're probably not the right person for you.
I do have friend who took a break (0.5year) from her boyfriend and then got back together again, - now married and had twins this week!

[cmacattack1]

Take this time to really evaluate the realtionship. Okay, so you have only been dating officially for three weeks. But maybe if you take a look at it, possibly you were doing some things that could be scaring her off? You say you don't have a soul after this. You didn't possibly rush in shouting "I love you, I want to marry you" did you? That can scare anybody off if you aren't letting things progress naturally.

She can't really appreciate you until you are gone. Don't talk to her. About anything. Even if she contacts you, you shouldn't feel like accomodating her when she is flip flopping all over the place on this. I don't know many people that really survived a break. It's a nice way to tell you she's dumping you and she feels guilty enough about it to cry and tell you how much of a good person you are. But no matter what she says, her actions told you she doesn't want you in her life. I think that says enough.

Be strong. You can only get shitfaced for so long. And this better not include blackout phone calls/texts. You are going to miss her when you come out of your alcohol induced oblivion, and you are going to have to have a little strength to get through this without her. Stay strong, keep busy, vent to non-mutual friends, do whatever you need to except contact her. If this is what she wants, this is what she gets.

[Arx_Fatalis]

thanks for the advice so far guys, i still havet talked to her, if she doesnt call me in a few days i'll give her a call just to sh how she's doing, yeah i got shit faced last night and i gotta tell you when i woke up this morning not only was i feeling the hang over, but i was feeling the hurt aswell, one thing i've noticed though is on facebook it still say's she's in a relationship with me, she's had plenty of time to change it but hasnt..could that mean anything at all?

OH, and i dont think i've done anything to scare her off, i've tried my hardest from the beginning not to fall back into my old nature which is insecure and prone to trust issues when i got with her i completely got rid of that attitude

[Arx_Fatalis]

h**p://w*w.youtube.c*m/watch?v=-Cs_NsgZpEk i've been listening to this like crazy remove the asterisks, i wish life was like the movies

[Kaius]

hey man, dont be so sad. it was only less than a month, so at least she didnt drag it.
you'll find someone else in no time. Just forget her and move on. i know it hurts,
but you are lucky you haven't bonded to the core yet.

[Arx_Fatalis]

it was only a month, but she was VERY special to me, i've been giving her space, i talked to her two days ago i may take her to dinner tonight if she agrees to it, if not im thinking im going to say something along the lines of "you know theres a million other girls out there and i just dont have the time for you to figure out whats wrong with you while i sit back and feel like shit, so maybe we just shouldnt talk anymore because i need to move on to better/happier things" originally it was going to be "you know just..**** off" but i wanted to leave it open a bit..i wonder what she'd do if i told her the above and just moved on..would she come crawling back? lol

[vashti]

I think you should ask her if she wants to continue on this way (not dating) because you while you care about her, you are losing patience with the open-ended break. Do NOT tell her there are a million other girls out there. Those are fighting words.

[cmacattack1]

I wouldn't say talking to her and taking her out to dinner is giving her space. Maybe she is calling you and all that but you have to hold your ground on this and say "This is what you wanted." She can't dump you then continue to talk to you because she feels lonely. And you shouldn't be concentrating on trying to win her back and there is no magical speech or trick to try and win her back. Leave her alone, fall off the face of the earth and that is probably the best chance of her crawling back.

[Arx_Fatalis]

well i called her after work..no answer i guess i will just drop off the face of the earth

[cmacattack1]

Cut your losses here and fall off the face of the earth to her. Stop trying to talk to her. You are just making things worse for you. You don't want to push her to the point where she tells you never to talk to her again. I was tempted to just because I wanted to know what my chance of getting back together with her was and if she said that, I knew it would be zero. Don't though. Just don't. Every attempt you do to chase her down just further validates her decision to leave you. You doing fine on your own without her in your life will help her to think how far along you have come.