So he picked me up from school today and gave me my things. Orginally we were going to have tea but it's Like 87 degrees so I changed my mind
So we start walking and he started bitching about how broke he is and how he feels shitty about having unlimited text and calls (he recently got his first cell... Ew lol) but only four people in his phonebook (me his mom his dad and his brother) how he didn't text me before he got there becuase the phone battery died (more bitching about the phone) He walked me to the train station and he just kept talking about himself and how he wants to play handball with his shirt off so he can get a litte summer "burn" Duringg the whole "crappy walking me to the train station date" I just ignored his nagging and said "whatever works" about his shirt off comment. And basically just told him about kitten. I couldn't get to many words in because he just kept talking about how his phone sucks and how his spring break sucked he just wouldn't stop talking.
I got my things back I have no other reason to contact him and I won't.
But now I feel confused....I know I could do so much better but at the same time I feel like ... I can't describe it I just want to cry. I suddenly don't feel the need to chase him I feel okay with him or without him (thanks self help book).
I can't help having this "side feeling" that if I follow all the rules of putting myself first always, continue being the awsome person that I am ,letting him chase because guys like to chase (I've forgot this fact) , not letting him be my first priority, being a bitch not letting him have me easily etc might not bring him back to me and it will be all my fault becuase Im choosing to not go after him. (even though I know it's not my job now I can't help feeling like I need to) I feel like a dead end.