My bf texts a lot and checking his cell a lot..how can I ask him?

[exprezo]

To xxazurexx: You're correct coz my BF and I are in serious relationship [per him], so it's not just another date like testing the water. Yes he kissed that coworker during our cool-off period [NOT a breakup as I stated clearly this condition when we agreed to the cool off period. I also stated that he cannot fall in love with somebody else during these 10 days]. Of coz he can kiss or have sex with anyone if our decision was breakup for sure..but it's cool off.

What lahnnabell says is true...I felt no trust coz of his sudden change of his behavior towards the phone courtesy thingy. No I dont need him document and give me the log but he is doing it in a very suspicious way, such as WHY did he need to endanger our lives while driving n texting? Matter of life and death?? And why is he on a constant look out for missed calls or texts? I also agree with you that in order NOT to miss the calls coz we are so busy with our daily schedules...BUT now my BF is not about calls..it's texting...means I wont hear what he says...

The coworker texted him quite late [the one I saw]...I dont think it's about the conf room projector???

Anyway, my question is...can anyone teach me...how should I do?? Do like xxazurexx says..set the boundary? My problem is...we started over again NOT too long ago...I dont want to sound bossy BUT I do want this relationship to work. Please advise

[xxazurexx]

Perhaps I misread your initial post. Your original comment of "Nobody in their right mind would accept that their partner was texting people of the opposite sex and in particular, a person that they were very recently involved with. Unless they have some agreement that it's ok to text other people" doesn't sound like "I think you should say something if it makes you uncomfortable." It sounded to me like "You SHOULD have a problem with him talking to women, normal women wouldn't be okay with it". The evil smiley was intended to show the closing-his-eyes part was tongue-in-cheek, BTW.

Read into it what you will. What I say, is usually what I mean. If I thought she should have a problem with it, then I would have said 'You should have a problem with it'.....Know I would have a problem with it though and NOT if my partner was merely texting, but if I noticed a message from a woman he was recently involved with. I'd expect that my guy would have a problem and if I was texting some man I'd recently had a fling with....lol

As far as we know, she had issues with him texting a lot.....which as I said was daft to worry about and because he could be texting anyone. If she can't trust him to be texting.....wtf?? See a shrink!!....

Where he is crossing boundaries, is when he is secretly texting a co worker with whom he had a little fling and very recently. This was the part of her post that rang the alarm bells for me....and ONLY THIS.

I also feel he may be crossing boundaries and if he is texting various other women 'secretly', that the OP isn't aware of and if these women are not just friends.
When they do things 'secretly', they have something to hide.

However, she doesn't know if he is texting other women, besides this ex co worker he had a little fling with...

So other women really are not the issue here.....the ex co worker IS the issue and the fact that she can't trust him to text.

I agree that she should bring it up if it bothers her, but that ultimately she's going to keep having this problem over and over unless she understands why she gets so worked up over it. If she's gonna go to the extreme of expecting to know every time he contacts someone, she needs something more substantial than "I don't like it".

Well to be honest and when I read the first few lines, I'd thought 'Wtf is her problem, poor guy can't even text anyone' lol
It was when I saw the info regarding the ex co worker, that is when I'd thought 'this aint right'...

I agree it is totally dumb to have a problem with someone texting. It would be like having a problem in not trusting them to go out alone, to not trust them to go to work alone, for a drive in the car alone, etc. Yes....it is stupid.

I have just read the OP's last post anyway and she says he was giving her concerns to be suspicious. You may have read it....

Sometimes it's not just a mere decision to simply not trust.....some people give us no reason to trust them and if they act suspiciously, are secretive and hide things, etc, etc, it does make us wonder.

Personally, I couldn't be arsed with the drama. If I couldn't trust someone and they were giving little cause to trust, I'd just make the choice to leave.

[xxazurexx]

To xxazurexx: You're correct coz my BF and I are in serious relationship [per him], so it's not just another date like testing the water. Yes he kissed that coworker during our cool-off period [NOT a breakup as I stated clearly this condition when we agreed to the cool off period. I also stated that he cannot fall in love with somebody else during these 10 days]. Of coz he can kiss or have sex with anyone if our decision was breakup for sure..but it's cool off.

What lahnnabell says is true...I felt no trust coz of his sudden change of his behavior towards the phone courtesy thingy. No I dont need him document and give me the log but he is doing it in a very suspicious way, such as WHY did he need to endanger our lives while driving n texting? Matter of life and death?? And why is he on a constant look out for missed calls or texts? I also agree with you that in order NOT to miss the calls coz we are so busy with our daily schedules...BUT now my BF is not about calls..it's texting...means I wont hear what he says...

The coworker texted him quite late [the one I saw]...I dont think it's about the conf room projector???

Anyway, my question is...can anyone teach me...how should I do?? Do like xxazurexx says..set the boundary? My problem is...we started over again NOT too long ago...I dont want to sound bossy BUT I do want this relationship to work. Please advise

What I would do, is to ask him about the message that I saw from the co worker and I'd listen to what he had to say.
I'd simply tell him that I didn't find it acceptable that he was texting this co worker and that I felt he would be disrespecting myself and our relationship, if he continues.

What happens next, will depend upon how he feels about you and your relationship and if he gives a shit about you and your relationship, then he will respect your wishes and quit texting her ...end of!

If that happens, then you are going to have to trust the guy and if you want this to work.

[lahnnabell]

I would bring it up in some way like this, "You know, I like that we've grown more comfortable with one another over time, but I still find it pretty disrespectful that you spend part of our quality time together on your phone texting. What is so important that it can't wait? It makes me really wonder who could be that important that you keep checking your phone every 5 minutes. And texting while driving? You don't need me to tell you that's a dumb idea, do you?"

Get the ball rolling on the conversation. See what he says. He very well may try to BS you though.