is it me or is it him?

[bondmaybach230]

Hi,
Ok, i got this issue. I am "Dating" this guy but it seems like am the only one in the relationship. He is insensitive to my needs. He barely gives me attention, but when he does it is the best. I actually think am in love. However we have broken up like 3 times already. And everytime we break up, he comes running to apologize and asks me "why you giving up on me"? He says that he is not an attention showing/emotion showing guy. We hardly go out on dates etc. We have been like on 2 and we've been together for like 3 months now. He doesn't call during the day or text. He says he is hangin out with his friends or working. He doesn't return my call for like 3 days then when he does it's like nothing happened and it's all good. I don't get it. I told him that "he has no love for me and just to leave me alone"...but we both not letting go. We just have another date at the beach the other day. It was great but i'm hating playing mind games. My questionsare "should i let him go?" "am i wasting my time on someone who cares less for me"? and to make is worse, the sex sucks and he knows it.

[decapitatedtoe]

If he can't show you he loves you then you have a better chance at finding someone else. There are alot of other guys out that that can make you feel like you're the most important person in the world. If he's to busy to even talk to you, it's obvious he shouldn't be in a relationship. He's hurting you more by being the selfish person who only wants you on occasion. You deserve more and should leave him. He'll realize how much of an impact you have on his life later on down the road but by then it will be to late. He will learn a life lesson and you will have the ability to live happily in a healthy relationship with someone who can actually love you back. Ditch him, he isn't good enough for you. ^^

[bondmaybach230]

thanks decapitatetoe......i've tried talking to friends but i needed to hear advice from a neutral person.

[decapitatedtoe]

He'll just use you up until you go crazy and then walk out on you when you need help... Think about it for a long time before you make your decision on whether or not you want to stay with him. If approached the wrong way, he can have a bad impact on your life.

[bondmaybach230]

I tried walking away alot of times, but you know that false sense of he is going to change always brings me back....once i told him it was over over and he came over the next day to say "let's start over"....i was hopeful but the honeymoon needed after a week.....sometimes i just think we are too different.

[decapitatedtoe]

You could always try playing his game with him. If it takes him days to get back to you, just don't talk to him. After he notices you've stopped he will get worried and start talking to you. If not then it just shows how much he cares about you.

[bloodtippedrose]

No matter how many times you fool yourself into thinking you are, you are not compatible with this guy! He is not going to change and if you could change him it is not worth the effort. All he is doing is causing you emotional grief, I mean the sex isnt even good! Break up with him, change your number, block his email, don't let him contact you and ride through your temporary loneliness because you're going to be happier alone and you're going to have a chance to meet someone that is more right for you.

[bondmaybach230]

Thanks everyone..I now get the perspective of what i am suppose to do. I guess it is tiime to let go.

[cmacattack1]

Funny how he only wants to try and give it when he risks losing the comfortable situation he is in. In other words, his interest is purely self motivated. The sad part is he probably doesn't realize it. I was in his position and I acted the same way and was all hurt and confused when my ex girlfriend dumped me. When she kicked me to the curb for good, and I really lost her is when I wanted to change and make a difference. That was proof that I wasn't mature enough for the relationship. Saying things like "I'm just not that kind of person" was things I said as excuses. I could have made an effort to become a BETTER person and said "I will do a better job to communicate and do things with you more if this is what you need." It's really bland if you have to agree on doing something like "I promise to call this many times a day" because then it just seems like a routine and takes the joy and fun out of it. Another thing I went through.

If you aren't happy, you aren't getting your needs met, and he is not showing consistency in the actions that you enjoy, the best thing for both of you is to let go for good. It takes time for things to change and they don't overnight unfortunately. Knowing he could have you back at any moment won't motivate him to become a better person, it's so much easier to just get by on what you have already. I've changed immensely from my breakup but it also takes alot of realization, self awareness, and effort to do so. Unfortunately for most, the mentality is "if we were meant to be, it would have worked out" and they continue on with their same bullshit and behaviors. Eventually they lose enough and it clicks that maybe YOU are responsible for your actions and are the common denominator in all of your failed relationships.

You think you may love him but you will be able to love somebody else. You know you deserve better, and he deserves some education on how to treat a woman. Kick him to the curb and you don't need many explanations if he tries to talk his way into this again. You aren't happy and you aren't getting your needs met, you deserve better, and you want some space and he needs to respect that. That's the gist of it. Keep a hard line and keep reminding him you need your space if he keeps going at you. You'll know when it gets to be too much and you have to tell him to not talk to you again. Change your number...etc. etc.

[IndiReloaded]

Its you. But not the way you think.

He's not making you happy, and he's not interested in learning how. Its up to you do decide to move on. He won't make that decision for you.

Don't be mean about it tho. Just tell him things aren't working out. If he presses for a reason, tell him straight up you found him (past tense b/c you've decided to move on) to be an inconsiderate partner. Let him mull that over without spoon feeding him details. His voyage of self-discovery. Yours is to know when to call it quits.

[xxazurexx]

Like I always say...if people aint happy, then leave.

This man isn't the ONLY guy on the planet.

[girl68]

And you're in love with this loser? WHY? He treats you like shit, the sex is shit, and he doesn't spend time with you.

[bondmaybach230]

Funny how he only wants to try and give it when he risks losing the comfortable situation he is in. In other words, his interest is purely self motivated. The sad part is he probably doesn't realize it. I was in his position and I acted the same way and was all hurt and confused when my ex girlfriend dumped me. When she kicked me to the curb for good, and I really lost her is when I wanted to change and make a difference. That was proof that I wasn't mature enough for the relationship. Saying things like "I'm just not that kind of person" was things I said as excuses. I could have made an effort to become a BETTER person and said "I will do a better job to communicate and do things with you more if this is what you need." It's really bland if you have to agree on doing something like "I promise to call this many times a day" because then it just seems like a routine and takes the joy and fun out of it. Another thing I went through.

If you aren't happy, you aren't getting your needs met, and he is not showing consistency in the actions that you enjoy, the best thing for both of you is to let go for good. It takes time for things to change and they don't overnight unfortunately. Knowing he could have you back at any moment won't motivate him to become a better person, it's so much easier to just get by on what you have already. I've changed immensely from my breakup but it also takes alot of realization, self awareness, and effort to do so. Unfortunately for most, the mentality is "if we were meant to be, it would have worked out" and they continue on with their same bullshit and behaviors. Eventually they lose enough and it clicks that maybe YOU are responsible for your actions and are the common denominator in all of your failed relationships.

You think you may love him but you will be able to love somebody else. You know you deserve better, and he deserves some education on how to treat a woman. Kick him to the curb and you don't need many explanations if he tries to talk his way into this again. You aren't happy and you aren't getting your needs met, you deserve better, and you want some space and he needs to respect that. That's the gist of it. Keep a hard line and keep reminding him you need your space if he keeps going at you. You'll know when it gets to be too much and you have to tell him to not talk to you again. Change your number...etc. etc.

thanks, that has helped me see it differently....I have actually talked to him today before reading this and i told him that we were done and we both agreed it's best to let go.

[bondmaybach230]

Like I always say...if people aint happy, then leave.

This man isn't the ONLY guy on the planet.

no he isn't the only guy on the planet LOL....i like that quote!

[bondmaybach230]

Thanks everyone, we aren't together any more and now i feel much better....other things to focus on now