Rubbing it in???

**LouisianaLady29** · 20-05-10, 11:21 AM

Ok I hope I get some advice on this one because even before my situation I have wondered the answer to this question. Why do some ex's feel the need to rub it in their new relationship. I recently tried an establish a co parenting relationship between me and my ex and he met our child for the first time last week and promised to be there. I told him its about you and your child, not us, so anytime you want to see her as long as a third party I trust is present (she is still a little baby) this is ok, I don't need be around. Also he has a girlfriend and a child by her as well so I figured it would keep down drama.

Well, come to find out he only was trying to get in good to get me to end the support. But of course I wasn't going to do that after him holding her and cooing a few times, I had to be for sure. So after I called him on it, he continues to text me things telling me that he is about to make love to his "wife" and that his wife thinks Im stupid and that his "wife" doesn't need to put him on support because she is not a broke b***h like myself (um, I own my own home, have a full and part time job, my own car, etc, his gf lives with her mom and just got out of jail last week after a yr sentence)

So to these emails disrespecting me I say NOTHING in response. Why act a donkey just because he is. I feel it more classy to just keep silent. But yesterday he text me asking to borrow money (LOL, hasn't done anything for our child for a whole year!) and told me if i let him borrow it he will take me out to eat and we can talk it out, meaning us. So answer me this, why rub the new relationship in my face repeatedly, insult me and then turn to me for help, then do it all over again.

If a man moves on with a new woman why make it a habit to let the old woman know how well it is going all the time when I'm not the one initiating contact?

**Lulu** · 20-05-10, 11:08 PM

Does this guy have substance abuse issues? His behavior sounds like he might be an addict- unpredictable and baffling.

**vashti** · 20-05-10, 11:13 PM

I hope you aren't harboring any secret wish to have him back. He sounds like a giant loser, and really, it is so unfortunate that this was the person you allowed to be the father of your child..

You had better NOT let him stop paying support. That money isn't YOURS, it belongs to your child. If you don't need it to care for her day-to-day needs, then you should be banking it for her education costs when she gets to be college-aged.

**xxazurexx** · 20-05-10, 11:47 PM

You are 'getting' to this guy for some reason and he's looking for a reaction.
Could be the fact that he's pissed off having to pay support to you, or he's harbouring unresolved feelings for you.

Continue to do what you are doing, it pisses them off even more and when ignored.

**LouisianaLady29** · 21-05-10, 01:03 AM

@Lulu...It seems as if he may be back living that type of lifestyle, I know we broke up because I wouldn't even accept him smoking weed and the woman he left me for did a year stint and had their child in jail also for a year and just got out this past wkend. I looked on our local sheriff office website this morning to make sure the non support warrant was active and it was along with 3 charges under 1 warrant for drugs, d/m/p w/intent cds IV, Im guessing that's pretty serious, and I know when he came back around he tried to convince me to cash a 500.00 MoneyGram for him because he couldn't get the bank to cash it til the next day and he would give me the money back, of course I said no. More and more I'm looking at it I think that he is using and selling. He's on felony probation and has these warrants out so when it does catch up to him it's not going to be good.

@vashti A part of me will always care about him, as the father of my child. But I am a MOTHER first and a man like that, father or not, is unsafe for her right now. For me to allow him in her life just for the sake of being in mine after he has disrespected me and her also and is not even taking care of himself then I am a terrible mother. No penis in this world or male company is worth the stability of my child's life. I let him see her that once but stopped it after more of his life had been revealed.

@xx...I think so b/c when I text him before this last time when I didn't respond I will tell him simply please do not contact me and if you do it will be ignored. And he will send back like 10 text all about how great his girl is, and his other child and how pathetic me and my family are. When he saw me the day we took our daughter to eat for their first meeting (I paid, eye roll) he looked sheepish and told me I look beautiful as always, after that he was really quiet. Sometimes I feel he knows he lost a good thing but is a slave by his own wishes to his current lifestyle and he knows that is something I will not allow in mine. It won't be long he WILL contact me again for aid b/c nine times out of 10 he will get picked up on these warrants and as I'm doing now I will ignore. I just don't get how you can come to me for help knwoing how you insult me and our kid and how you declare to have such a great woman. Get help from HER not us where you don't deserve it.

**Gigabitch** · 21-05-10, 01:29 AM

Why you are still in contact with that subhuman, I don't know. Never speak to his evil ass again, Lady. Really. Your daughter should be protected and shielded from someone like this, not exposed and "coparented". Do her a favor and avoid him in the future.

**girl68** · 21-05-10, 01:32 AM

Stand your ground woman! He's a true loaser. So is his "wife". Stay as far away from the both of them as you can. Your child can one day have a father-figure choose wisely next time. Maybe one day when he's not such a loser he can attempt to make it up to the 2 of you until then protect the child as well as yourself.

**LouisianaLady29** · 21-05-10, 02:58 AM

Thanks Giga and girl...his probation officer called me not even ten mins ago looking for him. I told him I don't know where he is and that when he last contacted me asking for money. He can't reach him, so we all believe he left town, he did this the last time while on probation with warrants left town and was given another chance, from the sound of his probation officer today, he wont get a third chance if ever caught. His "wife" left with him and she is on papers also, so I doubt they will ever come back here at all for fear of going to jail which helps me never to have to deal with him again. So no worries.

**xxazurexx** · 21-05-10, 07:43 AM

^^Blimey, both 'jail bait'....sounds like a match made in heaven.

**Cbrider** · 21-05-10, 01:51 PM

This guy is really helping to prop up the image of a responsible American dad.

I feel like a minority of my generation - I am not a felon, I have never seen jail from inside the bars and I have never been arrested.

I have my doubts the child of his wife/girlfriend/hoe/swamp donkey is even his. She had a kid in jail, I mean Bubba could have railed her 6 ways from Sunday over the cafeteria table or squeaked in a quick oil change in their run around the jail playground.

Where do you find these people, Jesus.....

**LouisianaLady29** · 22-05-10, 08:05 AM

I know I'm prob wrong for this before I even ask it but do you think it is possible someone of his background can give any woman a happily ever after?

**Cbrider** · 22-05-10, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by LouisianaLady29

I know I'm prob wrong for this before I even ask it but do you think it is possible someone of his background can give any woman a happily ever after?

Yes, but not you.

He's far from relationship material, he's still hung up with the law like some 15 year old caught TP a house.

**LouisianaLady29** · 22-05-10, 02:35 PM

Lol @ cbrider, I don't know what to say about his mentality. I just wish I knew why he won't just back off. It is like nearly 2 am and he has called my phone repeatedly, no text no vm, and most of all no answering it from me. I just don't get it. Part of me is like am I wrong cuz we have a kid but the smart mother bear part of me is like you KNOW not to answer that phone for the safety and well being of your child so of course I don't. But I cannot lie that I am curious as to why he won't back off. Funny how when I tried to co parent he was a ghost now he keeps popping up that I'm ignoring him. At nearly 2am shouldn't he be curled up next to that "thing" and their child (no bad words for the innocent child), but why is he calling me if he's where he wants to be???? Stupid.

**IndiReloaded** · 22-05-10, 02:46 PM

Tell him you made a mistake and the baby isn't really his. He's off the hook for child support. Tell him you wish him well with his new relationship. Lie through your teeth and make it a good one. He's not smart enough to follow up on this and I doubt he really cares enough.

Then leave town. Move, go where ever you must that is away from this guy. If you have family who can help, ask for it. Don't tell him, just go.

**Cosmo** · 22-05-10, 03:04 PM

You want to know why he's calling??????

He wants some money for blow! You seriously, SERIOUSLY need to go to an AlAnon support group (it's AA for those affected by an addict).

Addicts manipulate the people they are in relationships with. They are selfish, illogical and greedy.

All he wants from you is to 'see his kid'... nope, he wants some drug money. He'll do or say whatever it takes to get in, and once you give he'll just keep on taking. I've been through this before, an addict honestly almost has a split personality. They become a different person when tweaked or looking for a fix.

Been there, done that, go learn about it so you know how to keep this leech off of you. I was there, you become an addict yourself. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Yours is enabling this retards behavior.

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