would you forgive a cheater?

[Cbrider]

Don't be an idiot Qwert.

You know the answer - you can control your urges and desires, so can he.

Move stateside, GB seems to be filled dip sh!ts.

[qwertz]

I didnt CB, im not taking him back.

[misombra]

does he try to talk to you still?

[qwertz]

Yep, everyday he phones or emails just asking to talk and saying he's sorry etc.

[misombra]

fatal error.
________

[vashti]

Cut him off.

[qwertz]

I do, i havent spoke to him in days. I just let his calls ring out.

[lastwish]

Oh where do we start...[url=http://catb.org/~esr/writings/promiscuity.html]Here's[/url] a good summary of some of the main tenets.

Those are plausible explanations. Assuming it is true that promiscuity is a blind age-old instinct of our ancesters and doesn't necessarily help us now, do you think that those (people) who cannot evolve to adapt to our present circumstances would belong to the weaker groups who would eventually die out (possibly from venereal diseases resulting from their promiscuous behaviour)?

[Neogenesis]

It depends on how sincere they sound when they ask for forgiveness. People deserve second chances, imo

[phys251]

I've heard this argument before. That we aren't meant to be with one person. That we should spread our seed. OR, divorce rates are so high because we allow premarital sex and spreading of the seed. etc. etc.

But the way I look at it, you test drive a lot of cars before you pick one to keep. If its a crappy car that lets you down you sell it and move on. If its a good car you keep it for life and take care of it. Once your car has been stolen it never feels like yours again and you invariably will sell it.



Its a lot like relationships in my opinion. Always moving forward and up. It's my new life motto. That and saying yes to almost everything.

I mean, if the first car I ever owned was a gremlin and I didn't know anything else I'd probably love it till I died, but I wouldn't be as happy as if I had tried out a bunch of cars and stuck with the one I liked... There ARE good people out there who will fall in love with someone and not decide to trade up later... they're pretty rare I think though.

The thing is, Cosmo, we don't have "car-driving" genes. We DO have desire-to-mate genes. Much as we try to wish it away or suppress it via serial monogamy, there is no getting around our desires as living beings to survive and reproduce.

I do, i havent spoke to him in days. I just let his calls ring out.

Any way you can block his calls entirely?

[Mish]

Oh where do we start...[url=http://catb.org/~esr/writings/promiscuity.html]Here's[/url] a good summary of some of the main tenets.

It sounds more like speculation than Science. It doesn't explain why some people will always cheat and others will never even though they have the same set of genes.

[lahnnabell]

I would never be able to take back someone who cheated. Not after what I know now. He just had to go and f*ck this up, eh? Stupid boy.

[phys251]

It sounds more like speculation than Science. It doesn't explain why some people will always cheat and others will never even though they have the same set of genes.

Try [url=http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=47317]this[/url], then. FYI, we do not have the same sets of genes, and we are not brought up in identical environments.

[Mish]

Try [url=http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=47317]this[/url], then. FYI, we do not have the same sets of genes, and we are not brought up in identical environments.

I liked the second article better than the first. It points out that genetics is only one piece in the puzzle that guides fidelity among many others, I agree with that.

I found these bits from the article interesting:

People who enter into long-term monogamous relationships, and who really keep their promises, "tend to be very healthy mentally," Peter Kramer, MD, tells WebMD. Kramer, a psychiatrist, is the host of The Infinite Mind on NPR and author of Listening to Prozac, Should You Leave? and most recently, Against Depression.

Don-David Lusterman, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide, says he thinks some people who cheat are what he calls "pursuers," who are also called womanizers when they are men. "They tend to require great numbers of conquests and they perceive them as conquests," Lusterman tells WebMD. "I see that as a developmental flaw in an individual, as opposed to an affair frequently being a function of some disruption in the couplehood. They're very different things."In clinical terms, he says, pursuers often have a narcissistic personality disorder. They crave and demand affection and attention but are not able to return it in kind.

[lastwish]

It sounds more like speculation than Science. It doesn't explain why some people will always cheat and others will never even though they have the same set of genes.

Both articles assumes that people are not naturally monogamous. The first one tries to explain why this is the case. I don't think the first article is any less scientific than the second article.

The second article however goes into the psychological/mental aspect of it which I think is very important. After all, morality, intelligence, and mental self-control have a lot to do with it.