Boyfriend's FEMALE Best Friend likes him. What should I do?

[xxazurexx]

But you still need to have words with him also btw. For he is the one allowing all of this to happen.

[KiwiBina]

Hahaha, I actually have done that... been doing it for months. =\
But there are times when I have to leave his side for a bit to get something, use the restroom, or something of the sort. She takes advantage of my absence and immediately steals my seat. -_-
Hell, one time I just got up to stretch... whaddya know, there goes my damn seat. I turned around, there she is, sitting in my seat, pawing at my boyfriend again.
What'd I do? I sat in my boyfriend's lap and stared at her like "Like that, bitch!?" Hahaha. She stopped stealing my seat for the rest of the party.
But it was short lived. She started taking my seat again the following day.

I've spoken to him about it head-on twice and hinted a few dozen times that I dislike it, but still, he doesn't even realize she's all over him until I give him a 'do something' look.
But sometimes he's just so busy he doesn't even notice me giving him 'the look' so Donna reigns in the stolen seat until someone moves. My boyfriend usually realizes she's stolen my seat only after I've gotten back and stand there for a bit. Then he gives me his seat... but I end up sitting beside that bitch. So that last party I decided I'd just use his lap as a substitute. Seems to work better lol.

[KiwiBina]

Speak of the devil.
My boyfriend just texted me and said he set down the boundaries between his female friends.
He doesn't sit next to them unless that's the only seat left, cause he just now realized that he can still socialize with them without having to sit right beside them.
Whenever Donna tries to start a poking fight or touching him, he just gets out of reach and tells her that he doesn't appreciate her invading his space;
he said there's only one person that's allowed to poke at and play around with him all flirty-like, and that's his gf(me).

But it's all words... I'll see tomorrow and the following weeks/months if he actually follows through with it.

[xxazurexx]

Well all I can say is, is that he must be a cabbage and if he can't see what's going on.
I don't buy that he isn't aware what she is doing.

He's just not man enough to tell her to politely piss off. Probably scared he will hurt her feelings.
But whose feelings is he hurting in the process....yup, yours!

[xxazurexx]

Speak of the devil.
My boyfriend just texted me and said he set down the boundaries between his female friends.
He doesn't sit next to them unless that's the only seat left, cause he just now realized that he can still socialize with them without having to sit right beside them.
Whenever Donna tries to start a poking fight or touching him, he just gets out of reach and tells her that he doesn't appreciate her invading his space;
he said there's only one person that's allowed to poke at and play around with him all flirty-like, and that's his gf(me).

But it's all words... I'll see tomorrow and the following weeks/months if he actually follows through with it.

Exactly ...let's hope he sticks by what he says.

Never know, he may surprise you

[KiwiBina]

God... yeah I remember when I told him that Donna liked him he was like "no, we're just friends" and I stared at him like -.- 'you idiot.' Haha.
And yeah... I think the main reason he hasn't told her to just piss off is because he's scared to hurt her and lose her as a friend.

Oh, he better stick to what he said or else I will rip his balls off.
No... cut them off sounds more accurate. My swords are in dire need of sharpening. >.> <.< lol.
Like I said earlier... I tend to go overboard when exacting revenge.. oh no, I mean, when I get even. =]

[xxazurexx]

^^I think sometimes men can be a bit dense though.
But we women aren't. We can see 'exactly' what is going on and because I guess we can read other women and their actions

[KiwiBina]

Ahahha, yeah, sadly that's true.
And yes... because we are superior! >=] LOL jk jk. (No, we really are. =P)
Hah, we do read other women so easily, especially when they're around our man.

[lastwish]

I went through something similar. I didn't regret dumping that asshole's ass even though he tried so hard to make me feel sorry for him afterwards. If a guy doesn't show his absolute loyalty in situations like this, he isn't a man and he won't be able to stand up for you when you need him to in the future.

[Neogenesis]

Sometimes decisions must be made.

[lahnnabell]

Dude. I deal with this BS all the time. Well, I did more in the past. My boyfriend is very good looking and very kind, so girls fall all over themselves just to talk to him. He had a few once upon a time flings turned friends that were trying to get weasel their way back into his life over a short period of time. I played it cool and told my boyfriend point blank, "You know she's just hounding you because she still has feelings for you." He would say, "Well, nothing's gonna come of that because I love you." One of his "friends" was going through a rough patch last year and she would call late at night sometimes practically hysterical over some issue. I knew she was having a difficult time in her own world and so I gave him the space to help her when she needed it. One night I hit my breaking point though.

She called while he and I were drinking and having fun playing pool and just relaxing. He noticed his phone vibrating, checked it, and said, "Oh, it's BlahBlah, I should call her back." I'm thinkin, "Here we go." I started tooling around on the computer until I hear him go into the next room and shut the door. That was it. After he came out, I spoke calmly and firmly, "Look, I know she's your friend, but the fact that you two have a lengthy, dramatic romantic history complicates that. I was fine to let you interrupt some of our time together if it was to benefit a friend of yours, but I don't appreciate being shut out like that. I don't know this girl, and it makes me insecure that she's still hanging on to you like this."

At first my boyfriend got insulted that I called him out so blatantly, but after some reflection he said, "I'm sorry I've been allowing this to dominate our time together. She's just a friend who's kinda messed up right now." Despite my protests, he actually insisted on letting me listen to some of their conversations on speakerphone so that I could get a better sense of how they interact. I felt better after that, but I did ask him to stop taking her lengthy, drama-filled calls when I was present. I trust him, and I don't want to listen to her insanity. If my boyfriend's with me, he's with me. If I'm not a clear priority over all these other girls, then what am I, y'know?

Haha, she even tried to get him to take waltzing classes with her once. He said, "No, if I'm gonna take any dance classes they'll be with my girlfriend. Secondly, I hate dancing." She went so far as to make a list of 50 reasons as to why he should do it anyway, but she stopped at number 7 realizing her efforts were futile.

Some women are relentless. I hope your boyfriend does what he says he's gonna do. The only more clear cut you can get is to threaten to break up with him if his behavior fails to change.

[KiwiBina]

Oh yeah... did I mention Donna calls my boyfriend "Barbie" all the time. WTF, so degrading -_- his name starts with a B, and she claimed she forgot his name the first time and called him barbie and started calling him that.

I went to visit my boyfriend today during his lunch break and he doesn't sit beside his two best female friends anymore; he sits at the edge of the table from them or across from them--primarily out of touching distance.
Hell, he wasn't even there at first; he tries to distance himself from them by going off to play basketball with some guys during lunch now. And he's more open to being affectionate with me in front of Donna's face. Take that, bitch! Haha.
And I think Donna's noticed that my bf doesn't find any interest in her at all now that he's distancing himself from her.
Today she was totally friendly to me o.o it was weird and, for once, she wasn't glaring laser beams at me. (But I still don't trust her at all.)

Then I took a nap in his car and visited him in his last class; he's usually sitting beside the girl's talking and stuff, but he was off on stage playing his bass guitar and tuning his other friend's accoustic guitar.
Only time he came to sit with the group was when I was there. Or well, not really; he sat with me and wrapped his arm around me; Donna immediately got up to start doing something else. She tried to play the piano... which was sort've sad cause she doesn't know how to play at all, and I'm a professional pianist o-o lol (it was like watching a train wreck for me) so she asked some of the other people sitting with my boyfriend and I to help her. She wouldn't even look at us unless one of us (or someone near us) spoke to her.

And for once... again, this was a first. She actually said bye to me. Usually she ignores me and leaves without even staring in my direction.

My boyfriend's respecting my asking him to not be so close to them. I told him I'm sorry I'm straining his friendship, but I couldn't just stay quiet about it anymore, especially since he wants me to be open to him about my feelings and stuff. He said I am straining his friendships, but he's okay with it because he's willing to make sacrifices for me. And just now, he realized I've never been that touchy-feeling with any of my male friends.
Donna seeeeeeems to now realize that there are boundaries; but I'm still skeptical about her.
Both of these are having good results... so far.

I'm keeping my eyes peeled. But my boyfriend's taking the boundaries seriously now, so I'm backing off and just sitting back to watch what happens.
If it stays how it is now, then I'm perfectly fine with him being friends with her, as long as she doesn't try any shit again and he keeps up the boundaries.

ADDED:
Ooohh yeah, ;] ahahah, before he left to go play basketball during lunch, he didn't even tell the other girls he was leaving to play basketball. He just kissed me and asked if he could go play basketball then kissed me again and went with the guys to the courts. Then Donna was all "oh, he's leaving you?" (like at the table with all the girls) and I looked at her, dead serious, "It's only temporary. He'd never leave me for reals." Then she got all quiet; all the other girls started laughing and agreed with me then started talking about how they expect my bf and I to get married after getting our college degrees.

Another thing: I was telling my boyfriend about how some of my college acquaintances were asking if I'm engaged or married (cause I wear a ring from my boyfriend on my left ring finger) and told him I said no to my classmates and started laughing. He kissed my forehead and was all "Babe, you lied to them. You ARE engaged." (He proposed to me a few times before, but we were playing around... or at least I thought he was) I stared at him like o.o 'oh' all stupidly and he just smiled and kissed the ring on my finger. I know some of the other students in the class overheard us; not sure if Donna heard that convo; I hope she damn well did! >=D Ahahaa

[lahnnabell]

Okay, sounds like things are going well. Don't go off the deep end with the marriage thing though. Don't wanna bite off more than you can chew. Glad to see this Donna girl is finally getting the hint, and good to see your man stepping up to the plate.

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like this Donna is chasing your BF. I had a woman crush on my husband years ago. I handled it, but the difference was he found her attention embarrassing. He was just too nice to know what to do about it. I'll give you a hint tho: women (the sort that will go after a taken guy) will only go for him if they think they can reasonably compete with the GF. You have to crush this woman to get rid of her, but in a way that you don't come off like a total bitch.

Of course, my case was a bit different from yours b/c it wasn't some woman 'friend' draping herself over my BF. I don't think you can win this one if your BF lets these gals fawn over him. Sooner or later, he will chase back. Guys don't keep women friends except as backups for sex.

Your BF sounds like an attention whore. Tell him to knock it off or you walk. Try to go out alone more than with these other chicks around. Ask your friends to help by finding other guys to hook these girls up with. The social exclusion route is a last resort (in fact, I think it means you lost) b/c you will only end up looking like an insecure bitch. Just dump him before that. Good luck.

EDIT - I just read your update. Some of that sounds good. A very effective method is to 'befriend' this girl but in a Alpha female way. Do you understand what I mean by this?

Knock off the marriage stuff tho. That makes you sound very childish. Neither of you are ready, this other girl would know this, and it will make you look weak. What you should be mentioning is the great college program you are getting into or a job promotion, or something else she cannot compete with.

[bluesummer]

I've dealt with this in two scenarios, with two different types of men.

My first, my now-ex, would let these so-called 'friends' paw him and touch him and call him all hours of the night. When I insisted it stop, he turned the tables on me and told me I was insecure, which made me wonder if I was. It took me a few years to realize I wasn't. He wasn't willing to accept the conditions I laid out for him of drawing a line between him and these girls. I dealt with them by making my presence known, answering his cell when they called, but never bitching them out. They didn't back off because HE never made them. I could've kicked their asses, but unless he told them to back off, it would never happen. Half the reason why he's gone.

Now my current fiance's ex called him constantly, at home, when I would come over. I hated it. When we moved in together, she started calling his cell. He would always take her calls. Finally I called him out and told him if she wanted to call, she could call the HOUSE number. What was going on was disrespectful and damaging to our relationship. He proved himself worthy: he told her on the phone, right in front of me, that it was disrespectful of his current relationship for her to be calling him all the time. Call OUR house number if she wanted to talk. Bitch has been gonzo since that convo, and now we're getting married, because he's a good man.

Women are awful when it comes to playing head games with other women's men. I honestly think guys don't see it a lot of the time. However, if you point it out to him, it your MAN'S job to tell them to back off. They won't listen to you, and you'll just look like a jealous insecure person. If he can call them out on their bullshit, only then will they stop, and then they can't say anything about you. So don't go beating up on this Donna girl. The cards are in your bf's hands, and at the moment it sounds like he's taking care of business as he should. If he didn't, I'd tell you to walk away from him.