i need help>>please...

[edwards99]

I am sorry about how this sounds..but i have cried for days..i feel that i am near the end of the rd..so if anyone has advice please tell me..

I met the most amazing woman 2 yrs ago.. we talking online first..and fell inlove..our lives were amazing..we could be ourselves..and have so much fun..intimacy was amazing..affection was so great..typing this is hard as i can hardly read with how much i am crying so bare with my grammer.

i lost my job about 6 months into the relationship..lost my self confidence.then became very insecure..this all ended up as me displaying huge mood swings..and depression.. she tried to tell me so many times that things had to change but i didn't know how..as i was always down..i never seen the positive..only the negative. two weeks ago after lots of discussions.i left..well she asked me to leave..over the past 10 days..i have been on deaths door..and i mean i am so so down..i feel there is nothing out there and only see darkness..she tells me she still loves me and wants a future if i can get my life in order and become that man she fell in love with.
I feel so terrible about all this..and want us back so bad..i dont sleep ..eat..and just want to die..
So today i went and seen her..she had some bills that cut off her tv and phone and i had some money and those bills were ours..but when i was there she couldn't look at me..her life has really taken a fall..she blames me saying that cuz i changed it forced what happened cuz we weren't happy..and i had to leave before she started to hate me.
she is so beautiful..i gave her a kiss on her head as i left..we barley spoke..i brought her flowers to cheer her up>>
please..i really need help..

i have started counseling.. and told i have what is cognitive behavior..or thoughts distortion..i see things as negative..all the time..i see things that aren't there..i accused her alot of cheating when she gave me know reason to..
i dont want to fall asleep cuz i dotn want another day of this..i don't know what to do..

please if anyone can shed some light here..i am in need..please..

[Alvy]

First things first, have you at least found a new job yet?

[edwards99]

no i was working with her..until about three wks ago..which was hell..
but i have been on three interviews for a job that looks very promicing..