Mind Games work but who pays the price?

[Abashed Becca]

2 ppl playing the game. 2 ppl battle for control. 2 ppl are not needy or clingy. 2 ppl that in the end can't communicate. Who won? Roller Coaster of hidden emotions and prices to pay. Loose it all and gain heartache. hmmmm. 8 months later and now I am finally numb. IDK if we can or he will try again. IDK if I care.

How r u? I will listen to ur story...if you want to hear mine.

[Alvy]

Don't know why some people feel the need to play these 'games', it's not that hard to be upfront and open...with that said, lets hear your story.

[Gigabitch]

I was thinking about this early this morning, the way people stupidly attach themselves to people who have messed with their heads. The largest looming character in my personal history is a guy who broke my heart. Why? He doesn't deserve the real estate in my head. That should be for the good guys, the ones worth missing, but no, it's all about the story that ended in an unsatisfactory way for me.

I wish it were easy to just walk away from someone who jerks you around, but it isn't.

[Abashed Becca]

the need to show a pattern. Here goes

Hi, I am Becca. Fell in love with a guy 13 years younger. I was married (no lectures pls) to a man that chose to take advantage of a woman that will give him anything....I told him it was fine to learn about life....I am bi. I don't have any problems with other girls. But if he is going to be with someone else...be honest. I do not compete. And when it comes to sex....sex is sex but making love and being in a relationship are what we are all about. We dont have to publisize. It is what we know. I don't nag about were he goes or what he does. He wants to tell me? Great...make sure it is the truth. Tell me when something bothers him that I do so I can fix it. His friends adored me, I gave up my hubby and screwed my life because I was busy in my mind if that makes any sense. I banter...not fight. I love sports and I can talk and listen about anything. I was self intedepndent financially and emotionally. I think like a guy when it comes to sex and hated emotional pressure.... I did not NEED a man or love.
1: Honeymoon 2 months.
2: He withdraws 2 months. Flirts with other girls and takes them out (2 girls)
3: I walk without warning 2 weeks. Learned how to be a Bi&%h that he falls for.
4: he realizes he lost me...then when he says he wants to be friend...no thanks! Odd thing is he gives chase.
5: I allow him to chase, play hard to get, Socially entising to all men and his friends. He competes and occasially gets frustrated. I give more, then take. The other men are of no consequence. He is what I wanted. I need him or I am not playing. I remain in control. But the less I do the more I remain in his mind. I DONT LIKE DOING THIS TO HIM...but I am getting the best of him. I fall more deeply in love. More I fall more scared I become. He is doing it all right...Now I need him....He gave me his time, his energy.....says I have him and ohhhhh he acted like it. He says he has NEVER chased a woman b4.
6. 6 months he chases. Then he volunteers information 'Going out with the guys' loves me.
7. Dabble on myspace and see "Had a great night at the movies with __________ he is so sweet!"
8. Wow....called him and he just talks around me. He says he will "handle" it and they are just friends.
9 The dating her continues. He still calls but ot as much and he says they are just friends.
10. I withdraw and he sucks me in a little her in there. Texts me and every few time I give him an excuse or go out with someone else.
11. 2 weeks later...he advertises "In a relationship" She posts he is her bf.
12. I am gone completely...
13. 10 days later he calls me. She broke up with him. He does not sound devistated.
14. I have built a wall. I just take here and there...he gives chase again.
15. I stop trying to flirt with other guys and my hubby and I split. I loose my job (economy) But guys want me more and he has to battle. I don't flirt....he sees they do and then misconstues things. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!! I tell him in emails and other things....but he is fine one minute and not the next.
16 2 months (August) I am checking myspace....Oh BTW after the last time I check myspace to look up girls. It is not them I am worried. But in my mind...if he lied to me once I think he might try it again.
17. Sure enough...he did. He said he was going to mow the lawn and went to sleep. He went to some girls how to watch a movie. OMG. I am shaking. FIRST TIME EVER I called and told him your an asshole. Why? He laughed and acted like nothing....once again the "she is a friend"
18. I withdraw a bit to give him space and trust him on the outside...but on the inside I am dying. Trying to look for a job. I am more unattached from everyone and the guys think I am playing hard to get...when in reality I am so depressed over him.
19. She (his friend) says she is in love. Really? I called him and told him I can't understand...I get mad and yell and he is calm and quiet. Wow...jokes with me and gets me to laugh. Smooth talker. I think things are great b/c he says he knows but that he has not interest in persung anything and she is crazy.
20. Then he gets into a relationship. Not again...I called him "**** YOU, I HATE YOU, LEAVE ME ALONE! HANG UP. He calls in hysterics. 37 times I love you...crying...hurting. I hear the messages. He wants to die. What? He did this..not me. LEAVE ME ALONE! I am crying. after over 40 called I finally talk to him and he says he will brak up with her now. I give him 24 hours to decide and he picks me. He remains friends but by now I am checking things wveryday...and it is horrible, My mind is on him. I built more of a wall. Now I can't seem to give him any more emotion out of fear he may use it against me. He needs to continue to chase.
25. 2 weeks he withdraws and go back into a relationship with her. He indicated he is tired and needs me to chase him. I try for 2 days but I know it is wrong. Stop and call him crying I love him.....he immediatly breaks it off with her and we are fine again. Perfect...This are amazing. He dedicates songs, we spend so much time together. I give him my passwords to give him the chance to know everything I am doing. I am happy. I am IN LOVE! and he is too.
25 3 weeks My soon to be ex hubby called his parents. He has to let me go....He sends me an email saying that he hopes my future will work out. He advertises he is in hell. We cannot communicate. They force him to take me off of everything. They are checking everything.
26 I cry for days. I mssg him and all he says is they no your number and the calls on the bill say where you are calling fromm...so i can't talk..
27 Then I see he chgs his status back to relationship and the girl???The girl we fought about....I broke down and texted him. But telling him I was happyfor him...he says it is only to make it easier on him in his house and he does not care about her like that....but will call me when he moves out. I agreed.
27 No communication for 2 weeks. buy another phone with a different number . But he is still scared...so i give up.
28. I hang with my bff (a guy) and ten days later while I am on aol my ex talks to me. Sweet and smooth. He wants to be with me. Asks me if I have a BF. Told him no. Expl he is my bff and he was fine with that....but the convo was happy, exciting and arousing...He had to sneak to talk to me. But he did it cause he said he could not be without me. We agreed I would come there but not while he was in a relationship with her. He broke up with her again and then said he was in a relationship with "The One" and took her off his friends list. Left it all open for me to see.
28: We finally have that moment (his first)
29 He then is so loving for 2 weeks then pulls back.
30 By then I was still looking for a job, my hubby filed divorce and I was scraping to get money for the kids food and utilities.
31. He and I talked alot online before...now I can only talk on aol when he is home cause his parents noticed aim signd in on phone and tracked the id. I allowed it cause he loves me and is trying his best......he said he wants to marry me.
29:2 month He is turning secretive. He starts to disregard my time with him and is lacking emotion.
I withdraw again giving him space.
He starts to go out more, gets drunk (no normal than before) and comes to spend time with me playing online games etc.
He never guarantees he will be on. He starts to talk to other girls. I withdraw more until I only talk to him a little here and there.. I email and get an occasional response. I see a girl on his page start to fluxuate emotions back and forth and they are on at the same time.. This looks like me when he hurts me but i don't advertise it.....
I ask his what the deal with her is. Only friends. I accept it and not 2 hours later he puts himself back into a relationship and puts her on his top friends.... I flip. But I don't call or email. Nothing at all. 5 hours later he changes his relationship status to single again and takes her off. He says he is worried and confused.
I walk, wait 4 days talking to him for a few minutes a night and tell him i have a date. At least I am honest. Then I decide I will get into a relationship. He says nothing but is sweet and a little possesive but I thought I misread it. I got tired of the guy I was dating and again went single. We spent time together but he denied the I LOVE U from being said and basically held back emotion. So I withdrew and I thought he would chase again.....but nothing. Eventually he would not log on and the girl from before had emotional changes again.... She eventually deleted him from myspace and facebook....I called him. All he said was she was mad cause he ignored her. Then he started to act funny again....withdrawing. So I contacted her. She refused my abd blocked me saying she did not care if we were dating leave her out of it.....why would she go to those extremes? I tried to talk to him and all he said is he did not know. I asked him for a commitment. He dodged the issue. I told him that I would give him some time.....4 days later...he : He "does not know what he wants, but it does not mean he does not want me around." Stage 16: Tell him to screw off.
30: He gives up chase and refuses to talk.
31: He runs around talking lies and asking his friends not to be friends with me. He says by contacting her I disrespected what he was doing.
32: I allow him room for him to say or do whatever to me.
33: Keeps doing it....so i call him out in emails and he denies in simple terms. He is sweet and says he will explain it but can't at this point.
34: I give my hand out to be friends and he does not know.
35: No mind games, I am honest and a merely miss my bff.
36: He does not respond. I find out he has a relationship via the internet. But only for 3 weeks....she told him (i learned this through a friend) that she told him she needed space. Now he is trying to mack on another internet chick
37: I send him email (my email has amazing pics...got sexy after months w/o him) "No, nevermind. i can't, I resent everything, Leave me alone." I got sleep last night. I felt good today. I just don't want this feeling to creep up. The misery and dispair. He consumed me. I held it in. Most of it. Some of it broke free.

He was a pure old fashined guy with strict parents...I knew that from the start. He lives with them b/c he only makes 10 an hour.

This was a long distant relationship. He did at first publicize I was the one through all the stuff at first. He used to show a ittle jealousy when I would be around his friends or any guy. He would grow silent when I was a little more socialbale to others. He KNOW b/c I proved that I could have any man...but I chose him. What the heck. In the end he was a little boy who could not stand up to mom and dad.

Rule of the game is do not contact him. I eamiled him each month. He knew I was watching him. He put me on hold a few weeks ago with a lame excuse. He ran around saying I cause drama. WTF???? Did I not loose everything. I bought things for him. I had his back against his friends and enemies. WOW.

I am finally divorced. I am alone. I have guys that say I am amazing. But I loved him. I broke it off because he was hurting me. Simple. It took me 6 months to get to this point. I still look him up...but now he has become boring. I long for him. But I guess it will not be. The last email I wrote him was to take back control. He knows he mistreated me.....no sense on proving he is wrong. Damn I was stupid.

[Abashed Becca]

The guy that was 13 years younger was not my hubby. He was 8 yrs older...so age is really not an excuse in my mind. I chased my hubby unlike my ex...and my ex hubby says he he lost respect b/c of that...so you can get takken advantage of either way...when you heart is in it...that is the chance u take.

[Abashed Becca]

BTW, I love my final email Nevermind, I regret everything, leave me alone. lol Sometimes the less said the better...I just hope I will not feel like crap later and want to apologize. The relationship or w/e was ultimatly a total of a year and half. 2 months of the last 6 months are when it went south and the last 6 was getting over it. He was 19 when I met him...now 21 and I am now 34. We got away to see each other. Please understand....He is within his church and spends ALOT of time there. But in the end....I think me ending it was the best option. I will always love the guy he was but I have to remember the _________ he turned into. BTW blocked him and deleted him over 11 times total out of my life. He now has two other accounts my user profile is on...lol. He does not know I know. Hmmm wonder why he would do that? I found out he has been watching me. Shewww, good thing my status were about happiness and positivity all that time....Singing on the outside and dying on the inside may be hard...but it helps

[xxazurexx]

I like how you say:

'he knows he lost me'
'I'm completely gone'

But you were never gone were you and this guy knew it, which is why I think he took advantage and basically pissed you around.

You continued to pursue him and were the main pursuer.

You appear to have been way more invested in this, than he was.

[Gigabitch]

I agree. You were completely overcommitted.

[Abashed Becca]

I agree. You were completely overcommitted.

Your right. Thin ice but HE KNEW ME. HE STILL DOES. So although I know the fact but I have to "Stop doing the same thing over and over.....after all I get the same result." So I have to treat it like a business deal. I took a loss...take it and move on. I used to look for answers like does he love me? Will he come back? How can I get him back? After I sent that email I have closure. Odd because I feel like I can move on...for the first time I made calls to really get to know some people. Instead of worrying about what he was thinking or feeling. After 8 months of dread...I cannot tell you how amazing that is...Now I have to get up and feel this way again tomorrow. :} I hope I don't long for him tomorrow....I am amost now afraid more of the highs and lows than what happened with him. lol thanks guys for your advice and not giving me to much shit. Peace!

[Abashed Becca]

I like how you say:

'he knows he lost me'
'I'm completely gone'

But you were never gone were you and this guy knew it, which is why I think he took advantage and basically pissed you around.

You continued to pursue him and were the main pursuer.

You appear to have been way more invested in this, than he was.

Funny....he always said he respected me. That not giving him everything at every moment and the things I was doind was disrespectful. I was confused...the bottom line of this mind game I ALLOWED him to manuplate me to watch me ruffle my feathers over him. I guess I was right. He had no respect for me...would you agree? If so...I guess I feel validated :}

[xxazurexx]

Funny....he always said he respected me. That not giving him everything at every moment and the things I was doind was disrespectful. I was confused...the bottom line of this mind game I ALLOWED him to manuplate me to watch me ruffle my feathers over him. I guess I was right. He had no respect for me...would you agree? If so...I guess I feel validated :}

I think he disrespected you a lot.

In the beginning and when you first met, you laid down your requirements of him, informed what would be acceptable and unacceptable (rightly so) and that is what should happen at the beginning or relationships for then everyone knows where they stand, no confusion. The guy didn't play by the rules though and decided to be dishonest about things instead....like other women for instance.

I think where it wrong is you became too involved, more so than he appears to have and you pursued him wayyyy too much. Guy knew that all he had to do was snap his fingers and you'd go running back.

I was in something similar, minus the women however. Mine was one of those relationships filled with jealousy, mistrust and high drama at times and games. I never pursued though, I am NOT a pursuer and I'd rather lose the guy than have to pursue a guy who didn't know if he wanted me/didn't want me. He came back to me always. Mine was long distance too and I tend to think that these kind of relationships are filled with drama, because there are more insecurities in long distance shit.